From 9ac593288d9b19639489f22114c8eb3a53298183 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Hykilpikonna Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2021 20:36:12 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] [+] Add starter files --- assignments/a3/a3.tex | 118 + assignments/a3/a3_ffwi_system.py | 291 ++ assignments/a3/a3_part1.py | 92 + assignments/a3/a3_part2.py | 137 + assignments/a3/a3_part3.py | 189 + assignments/a3/a3_part4.py | 120 + assignments/a3/a3_part4_tests.py | 105 + assignments/a3/a3_sample_tests.py | 129 + assignments/a3/data/ffwi/sample_data.csv | 50 + .../a3/data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv | 2 + .../a3/data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv | 2 + .../a3/data/reviews/review_transformers.csv | 2 + assignments/a3/data/texts/adele.txt | 542 +++ assignments/a3/data/texts/alice.txt | 3584 +++++++++++++++++ assignments/a3/data/texts/beatles.txt | 340 ++ assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier.txt | 447 ++ assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier_stanzas.txt | 70 + assignments/a3/data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt | 9 + assignments/a3/data/texts/shakespeare.txt | 2602 ++++++++++++ assignments/a3/data/texts/shel.txt | 218 + assignments/a3/data/texts/zelda.txt | 2 + assignments/a3/{ => handout}/handout.html | 0 .../legally_blonde_chocolate.gif | Bin .../a3/{ => handout}/handout_files/pandoc.css | 0 .../handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js | 0 25 files changed, 9051 insertions(+) create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3.tex create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_ffwi_system.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_part1.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_part2.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_part3.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_part4.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_part4_tests.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/a3_sample_tests.py create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/ffwi/sample_data.csv create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_transformers.csv create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/adele.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/alice.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/beatles.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier_stanzas.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/shakespeare.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/shel.txt create mode 100644 assignments/a3/data/texts/zelda.txt rename assignments/a3/{ => handout}/handout.html (100%) rename assignments/a3/{ => handout}/handout_files/legally_blonde_chocolate.gif (100%) rename assignments/a3/{ => handout}/handout_files/pandoc.css (100%) rename assignments/a3/{ => handout}/handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js (100%) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3.tex b/assignments/a3/a3.tex new file mode 100644 index 0000000..74bd250 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3.tex @@ -0,0 +1,118 @@ +\documentclass[fontsize=11pt]{article} +\usepackage{amsmath} +\usepackage[utf8]{inputenc} +\usepackage[margin=0.75in]{geometry} + +\title{CSC110 Assignment 3: Loops, Mutation, and Applications} +\author{TODO: FILL IN YOUR NAME HERE} +\date{\today} + +\begin{document} +\maketitle + +\section*{Part 1: Text generation, uniformly random model} + +\begin{enumerate} + +\item[1.] +\begin{enumerate} + \item[(a)] + TODO: Complete the table below (you will need to add more rows). + + You may find this tutorial useful: https://www.overleaf.com/learn/latex/Tables. + + \begin{tabular}{|l|l|l|l|} + \hline + Iteration & \verb|word| & \verb|words| & \verb|word_frequencies|\\ + \hline + 0 & N/A & \texttt{[]} & \texttt{[]} \\ + 1 & & & \\ + \hline + \end{tabular} + + \item[(b)] + TODO: Write your answer here. + + \item[(c)] + TODO: Write your answer here. +\end{enumerate} + +\item[2.] +Complete this part in the provided \texttt{a3\_part1.py} starter file. +Do \textbf{not} include your solution in this file. + +\end{enumerate} + +\newpage + +\section*{Part 2: Text generation, One-Word Context Model} + +\begin{enumerate} + +\item[0.] +This question is not to be handed in. + +\item[1.] +One-word context model: + +\begin{verbatim} +# TODO: Write your one-word context model here as a Python value. +# Write each key-value pair on a separate line, like on the assignment handout. +{ + + + + + + +} +\end{verbatim} + +\item[2.] +Complete this part in the provided \texttt{a3\_part2.py} starter file. +Do \textbf{not} include your solution in this file. + +\end{enumerate} + +\newpage + +\section*{Part 3: Loops and Mutation Debugging Exercise} + +\begin{enumerate} +\item[1.] +TODO: Write your answer here. + +\item[2.] +TODO: Write your answer here (and remember to edit a3\_part3.py as well). + +\item[3.] +TODO: Write your answer here. +\end{enumerate} + +\section*{Part 4: Forest Fires} + +\begin{enumerate} +\item[1.] +Complete this part in the provided \texttt{a3\_part4.py} starter file. +Do \textbf{not} include your solution in this file. + +\item[2.] +Complete this part in the provided \texttt{a3\_part4\_tests.py} starter file. +Do \textbf{not} include your solution in this file. + +\item[3.] + +\begin{enumerate} +\item[a.] +TODO: Write your answer here. + +\item [b.] +TODO: Write your answer here. + +\item[c.] +TODO: Write your answer here. +\end{enumerate} + +\end{enumerate} + +\end{document} diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_ffwi_system.py b/assignments/a3/a3_ffwi_system.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8e5bf2 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_ffwi_system.py @@ -0,0 +1,291 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3: Forest Fire Weather Index System + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import math +from dataclasses import dataclass + +# Initial values that can be used for FFMC, DMC, and DC +INITIAL_FFMC = 85.0 +INITIAL_DMC = 6.0 +INITIAL_DC = 15.0 + +# Per-month lookup tables +DMC_DAY_LENGTH_EFFECTIVE = { + 1: 6.5, 2: 7.5, 3: 9.0, 4: 12.8, 5: 13.9, 6: 13.9, + 7: 12.4, 8: 10.9, 9: 9.4, 10: 8.0, 11: 7.0, 12: 6.0 +} +DC_DAY_LENGTH_FACTORS = { + 1: -1.6, 2: -1.6, 3: -1.6, 4: 0.9, 5: 3.8, 6: 5.8, + 7: 6.4, 8: 5.0, 9: 2.4, 10: 0.4, 11: -1.6, 12: -1.6 +} + + +@dataclass +class WeatherMetrics: + """A bundle of metrics that are measured by weather stations. + + Instance Attributes: + - month: The month of the year (e.g., January is 1, December is 12) + - day: the day of the month + - temperature: The noon temperature in degrees Celsius + - humidity: The noon relative humidity, in % + - wind_speed: The noon wind speed, in km/h + - precipitation: The rainfall at noon, in mm + + Representation Invariants: + - self.month in {1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12} + - self.humidity >= 0.0 + - self.wind_speed >= 0.0 + - self.precipitation >= 0.0 + """ + month: int + day: int + temperature: float + humidity: float + wind_speed: float + precipitation: float + + +@dataclass +class FfwiOutput: + """A bundle of the output metrics in the Canadian Forest Fire Weather Index System. + + Instance Attributes: + - ffmc: the Fine Fuel Moisture Code + - dmc: the Duff Moisture Code + - dc: the Drought Code + - isi: the Initial Spread Index + - bui: the Buildup Index + - fwi: the Fire Weather Index + + Representation Invariants: + - 0.0 <= self.ffmc <= 101.0 + - self.dmc >= 1.0 + - self.bui >= 0.0 + """ + ffmc: float + dmc: float + dc: float + isi: float + bui: float + fwi: float + + +def calculate_mr(precipitation: float, mo: float) -> float: + """Return the fine fuel moisture content after rain (mr) based on the effective + rainfall in precipitation and the fine fuel moisture content from the previous day. + + Preconditions: + - precipitation > 0.5 + """ + # Equation 2 + rf = precipitation - 0.5 + + if mo > 150.0: + # Equation 3b + mr = (mo + 42.5 * rf * math.exp(-100.0 / (251.0 - mo)) * (1.0 - math.exp(-6.93 / rf))) + ( + 0.0015 * (mo - 150.0) ** 2) * math.sqrt(rf) + else: + # Equation 3a + mr = mo + 42.5 * rf * math.exp(-100.0 / (251.0 - mo)) * (1.0 - math.exp(-6.93 / rf)) + + return mr + + +def calculate_m(wm: WeatherMetrics, ed: float, mo: float) -> float: + """Return the fine fuel moisture content after drying (m) based on the measurements in wm, the + EMC for drying in ed, and the fine fuel moisture content from the previous day in mo. + + Preconditions: + - mo <= 250.0 + """ + if mo == ed: + return mo + + if mo < ed: + # Equation 5 + ew = 0.618 * (wm.humidity ** .753) + (10.0 * math.exp((wm.humidity - 100.0) / 10.0)) \ + + 0.18 * (21.1 - wm.temperature) * (1.0 - 1.0 / math.exp(0.115 * wm.humidity)) + + if mo <= ew: + # Use log wetting rate + # Equation 7a + k1 = 0.424 * (1.0 - ((100.0 - wm.humidity) / 100.0) ** 1.7) + \ + (.0694 * math.sqrt(wm.wind_speed)) * (1.0 - ((100.0 - wm.humidity) / 100.0) ** 8) + kw = k1 * (0.581 * math.exp(0.0365 * wm.temperature)) # Equation 7b + return ew - (ew - mo) / 10.0 ** kw # Equation 9 + else: + return mo + + # Use log drying rate + # Equation 6a + k0 = 0.424 * (1.0 - (wm.humidity / 100.0) ** 1.7) + ( + (0.0694 * math.sqrt(wm.wind_speed)) * (1.0 - (wm.humidity / 100.0) ** 8)) + kd = k0 * (0.581 * math.exp(0.0365 * wm.temperature)) # Equation 6b + m = ed + (mo - ed) / 10.0 ** kd # Equation 8 + + return m + + +def calculate_ffmc(wm: WeatherMetrics, f0: float) -> float: + """Return the Fine Fuel Moisture Code (FFMC) based on the measurements in wm and the previous + day's FFMC in f0. + """ + # Calculate the fine fuel moisture content from the previous day + mo = (147.2 * (101.0 - f0)) / (59.5 + f0) # Equation 1 + if wm.precipitation > 0.5: + mo = calculate_mr(wm.precipitation, mo) + + if mo > 250.0: + mo = 250.0 + + # Equation 4 - Fine Fuel equilibrium moisture content (EMC) for drying + ed = 0.942 * (wm.humidity ** .679) + (11.0 * math.exp((wm.humidity - 100.0) / 10.0)) + ( + 0.18 * (21.1 - wm.temperature) * (1.0 - 1.0 / math.exp(0.1150 * wm.humidity))) + + m = calculate_m(wm, ed, mo) + + # Equation 10 + f = (59.5 * (250.0 - m)) / (147.2 + m) + + if f > 101.0: + f = 101.0 + elif f <= 0.0: + f = 0.0 + + return f + + +def calculate_dmr(precipitation: float, dm0: float) -> float: + """Calculate the Duff moisture content after rain based on the current precipitation and the + previous day's DMC in dm0. + + Preconditions: + - precipitation > 1.5 + """ + rw = 0.92 * precipitation - 1.27 # Equation 11 + wmi = 20.0 + 280.0 / math.exp(0.023 * dm0) # Equation 12 + + if dm0 <= 33.0: + b = 100.0 / (0.5 + 0.3 * dm0) # Equation 13a + else: + if dm0 <= 65.0: + b = 14.0 - 1.3 * math.log(dm0) # Equation 13b + else: + b = 6.2 * math.log(dm0) - 17.2 # Equation 13c + + return wmi + (1000 * rw) / (48.77 + b * rw) # Equation 14 + + +def calculate_dmc_k(temperature: float, humidity: float, month: int) -> float: + """Return the log drying rate in DMC based on the temperature, humidity, and month.""" + if temperature < -1.1: + # Cannot use temperatures less than -1.1 in Equation 16 + temperature = -1.1 + + # Equations 16 and 17 + return 1.894 * (temperature + 1.1) * (100.0 - humidity) * ( + DMC_DAY_LENGTH_EFFECTIVE[month] * 0.0001) + + +def calculate_dmc(wm: WeatherMetrics, dm0: float) -> float: + """Return the Duff Moisture Code (DMC) based on the measurements in wm and the previous day's + DMC in dm0. + """ + if wm.precipitation <= 1.5: + pr = dm0 + else: + dmr = calculate_dmr(wm.precipitation, dm0) + pr = 43.43 * (5.6348 - math.log(dmr - 20.0)) # Equation 15 + + # The DMC after rain cannot, theoretically, be less than 0; ensure it is at least 0 + pr = max(0.0, pr) + + rk = calculate_dmc_k(wm.temperature, wm.humidity, wm.month) + d = pr + rk + + if d <= 1.0: + d = 1.0 + return d + + +def calculate_qr(precipitation: float, dc0: float) -> float: + """Return the moisture equivalent after rain based on the current precipitation and the + previous day's DC in dc0. + + Preconditions: + - precipitation > 2.8 + """ + rd = 0.83 * precipitation - 1.27 # Equation 18 + qo = 800.0 * math.exp(-dc0 / 400.0) # Equation 19 + qr = qo + 3.937 * rd # Equation 20 + + return qr + + +def calculate_dc(wm: WeatherMetrics, dc0: float) -> float: + """Return the Drought Code (DC) based on the measurements in wm and the previous day's DC in + dc0. + """ + temperature = wm.temperature + if wm.temperature < -2.8: + temperature = -2.8 + + v = 0.36 * (temperature + 2.8) + DC_DAY_LENGTH_FACTORS[wm.month] # Equation 22 + # The potential evapotranspiration cannot, theoretically, be less than 0; ensure it's at least 0 + v = max(0.0, v) + + if wm.precipitation > 2.8: + qr = calculate_qr(wm.precipitation, dc0) + dr = 400 * math.log(800 / qr) # Equation 21 + return dr + 0.5 * v # Equation 23 + else: + return dc0 + 0.5 * v # Equation 23 + + +def calculate_isi(wm: WeatherMetrics, ffmc: float) -> float: + """Return the Initial Spread Index (ISI) based on the measurements in wm and the current ffmc. + """ + mo = 147.2 * (101.0 - ffmc) / (59.5 + ffmc) + ff = 19.115 * math.exp(mo * -0.1386) * (1.0 + (mo ** 5.31) / 49300000.0) + + return ff * math.exp(0.05039 * wm.wind_speed) + + +def calculate_bui(dmc: float, dc: float) -> float: + """Return the Buildup Index (BUI) based on the current dmc and the current dc. + """ + if dmc <= 0.4 * dc: + b = (0.8 * dc * dmc) / (dmc + 0.4 * dc) + else: + b = dmc - (1.0 - 0.8 * dc / (dmc + 0.4 * dc)) * (0.92 + (0.0114 * dmc) ** 1.7) + + if b < 0.0: + b = 0.0 + + return b + + +def calculate_fwi(isi: float, bui: float) -> float: + """Return the Fire Weather Index (FWI) based on the current isi and the current bui. + """ + if bui <= 80.0: + f_d = 0.626 * bui ** 0.809 + 2.0 # Equation 28a + else: + f_d = 1000.0 / (25. + 108.64 * math.exp(-0.023 * bui)) # Equation 28b + + bb = 0.1 * isi * f_d # Equation 29 + if bb <= 1.0: + return bb # Equation 30b + else: + return math.exp(2.72 * (0.434 * math.log(bb)) ** 0.647) # Equation 30a diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_part1.py b/assignments/a3/a3_part1.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..13488cf --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_part1.py @@ -0,0 +1,92 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3, Part 1: Text Generation, Uniformly Random Model (SOLUTIONS) + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== +Implement each of the functions in this file. As usual, do not change any function headers +or preconditions. You do NOT need to add doctests. + +You may create some additional helper functions to help break up your code into smaller parts. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import random + + +def generate_text_uniform(model: dict[str, int], n: int) -> str: + """Return a string of n randomly-generated words chosen from the given model. + + Each word in the returned string is separated by a single space. + + Preconditions: + - n >= 0 + - model != {} + """ + # Unpack model into two lists whose indexes correspond to one another + words = [] + word_frequencies = [] + for word in model: + words.append(word) + word_frequencies.append(model[word]) + + new_words = random.choices(words, weights=word_frequencies, k=n) + return str.join(' ', new_words) + + +def create_model_uniform(text: str) -> dict[str, int]: + """Return a model of the words in text. + + The model is a mapping of words to the number of times the word occurs in text. A "word" + contains no spaces. + + This function should return model that is valid input to generate_text_uniform. + + Preconditions: + - text != '' + + IMPLEMENTATION NOTE: Use the str.split method to get a list of words. + """ + + +def run_example(filename: str, num_words: int) -> str: + """Run an example to demonstrate random text generation with num_words words based on the data + in filename. + + To call this function: + - Make sure you see that the 'data' folder is in the same directory as this file + - Use an argument for filename like: 'data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt' + - Try out the other plaintext files in 'data/texts', too + """ + with open(filename) as f: + file_text = f.read() + + stripped_text = str.strip(file_text) # str.strip removes leading/trailing whitespace + model_from_file = create_model_uniform(stripped_text) + generated_words = generate_text_uniform(model_from_file, num_words) + + return generated_words + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + import python_ta + import python_ta.contracts + python_ta.contracts.DEBUG_CONTRACTS = False + python_ta.contracts.check_all_contracts() + + # When you are ready to check your work with python_ta, uncomment the following lines. + # (Delete the "#" and space before each line.) + # IMPORTANT: keep this code indented inside the "if __name__ == '__main__'" block + # python_ta.check_all(config={ + # 'allowed-io': ['run_example'], + # 'extra-imports': ['python_ta.contracts', 'random'], + # 'max-line-length': 100, + # 'disable': ['R1705', 'C0200'] + # }) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_part2.py b/assignments/a3/a3_part2.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d6186e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_part2.py @@ -0,0 +1,137 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3, Part 2: Text Generation, One-Word Context Model (SOLUTIONS) + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== +Implement each of the functions in this file. As usual, do not change any function headers +or preconditions. You do NOT need to add doctests. + +You may create some additional helper functions to help break up your code into smaller parts. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import random + + +############################################################################### +# Question 2 +############################################################################### +def update_follow_list(model: dict[str, list[str]], word: str, follow_word: str) -> None: + """Add follow_word and, when applicable, word to model. + + If word is not already present in model, add it to the model with the follow list + [follow_word]. Otherwise, add follow_word to the follow list of word. + """ + + +def create_model_owc(text: str) -> tuple[int, dict[str, list[str]]]: + """Return a tuple of the number of words in text and one-word context model of the given text, + as described in the handout. + + Your implementation MUST use the update_follow_list helper function. We recommend completing + that function first, as it's simpler and will get you thinking about how to use it here. + + Preconditions: + - text != '' + - len(str.split(text)) > 1 + """ + + +############################################################################### +# Question 3 +############################################################################### +def choose_from_keys(transitions: dict[str, list[str]]) -> str: + """Return a random key from transitions. + + Preconditions: + - transitions != {} + """ + + +def choose_from_follow_list(key: str, transitions: dict[str, list[str]]) -> str: + """Return a random word from the follow list in transitions that is associated with key. + + Also remove one occurrence of the random word from the follow list. If the follow list is then + empty, remove the key-value pair from transitions. + + Preconditions: + - transitions != {} + - key in transitions + - transitions[key] != [] + """ + + +def generate_text_owc(count: int, transitions: dict[str, list[str]]) -> str: + """Return a string containing (count - 1) randomly generated words based on the data in + transitions, which maps words to a list of words that follow it. + + A randomly generated word is selected from the keys of transitions when: + - it is the first word; or + - the last randomly generated word is not a key in transitions. + + A randomly generated word is selected from the follow list of a key in transitions when the + last randomly generated word is a key in transitions. In addition, one occurrence of the word + selected from the follow list is removed from the follow list (i.e., mutation). When there are + no words in the follow list for a key, the key-value pair is also removed from transitions + (i.e., mutation). + + Your implementation MUST use the helper functions: choose_from_keys and choose_from_follow_list. + We recommend completing these functions first, as they simpler and will get you thinking about + how to use it here. + + Preconditions: + - model is in the format described by the assignment handout + """ + # ACCUMULATOR: a list of the randomly-generated words so far + words_so_far = [] + + # We've provided this template as a starting point; you may modify it as necessary. + current_word = '' + for _ in range(count - 1): + ... + + return str.join(' ', words_so_far) + + +def run_example(filename: str) -> str: + """Run an example to demonstrate random text generation based on the data in filename. + + To call this function: + - Make sure you see that the 'data' folder is in the same directory as this file + - Use an argument for filename like: 'data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt' + - Try out the other plaintext files in 'data/texts', too + """ + with open(filename) as f: + file_text = f.read() + + stripped_text = str.strip(file_text) # str.strip removes leading/trailing whitespace + word_count, transition_model = create_model_owc(stripped_text) + generated_words = generate_text_owc(word_count, transition_model) + + return generated_words + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + import python_ta + import python_ta.contracts + python_ta.contracts.DEBUG_CONTRACTS = False + python_ta.contracts.check_all_contracts() + + # When you are ready to check your work with python_ta, uncomment the following lines. + # (Delete the "#" and space before each line.) + # IMPORTANT: keep this code indented inside the "if __name__ == '__main__'" block + # python_ta.check_all(config={ + # 'allowed-io': ['run_example'], + # 'extra-imports': ['python_ta.contracts', 'random'], + # 'max-line-length': 100, + # 'max-nested-blocks': 4, + # 'disable': ['R1705', 'C0200'] + # }) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_part3.py b/assignments/a3/a3_part3.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d964d8 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_part3.py @@ -0,0 +1,189 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2020 Assignment 3, Part 3: Loops and Mutation Debugging Exercise + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== + +This Python module contains the program and tests described in Part 3. +Run this file to see the pytest report containing at least one failing test. + +While you are making small changes to this file, we will NOT run python_ta +on this file when grading. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2020 David Liu and Mario Badr. +""" +import csv +import math + +# Constant for different punctuation marks to remove from review strings. +PUNCTUATION = '!\"#$%&()*+,-./:;<=>?@[]^_`{|}~' + +# Constant representing VADER word intensities. +# (This is a small subset of the full VADER lexicon.) +WORD_TO_INTENSITY = { + 'adventure': 1.3, + 'amusing': 1.6, + 'brilliantly': 3.0, + 'comedy': 1.5, + 'excellent': 2.7, + 'guilty': -1.8, + 'magnificent': 2.9, + 'succeeded': 1.8, + 'terrible': -2.1 +} + + +############################################################################### +# Mario's Program +############################################################################### +def report_sentiment(review: str) -> tuple[str, float]: + """Return the VADER sentiment of the review in text. + + The VADER sentiment is a tuple of the polarity, intensity of the review. + """ + # First clean the review text and split into a list of words. + word_list = clean_text(review) + + # Extract the number of times each VADER keyword appears in the review. + occurrences = count_keywords(word_list) + + # Calculate the average intensity of the keywords in the review. + average_intensity = calculate_average_intensity(occurrences) + + if average_intensity >= 0.05: + return ('positive', average_intensity) + elif average_intensity <= -0.05: + return ('negative', average_intensity) + else: + return ('neutral', average_intensity) + + +def clean_text(text: str) -> list[str]: + """Return text as a list of words that have been cleaned up. + + Cleaning up involves: + - removing punctuation + - converting all letters to lowercase (because our VADER keywords + are all written as lowercase) + """ + # Remove punctuation from text + for p in PUNCTUATION: + text = str.replace(text, p, ' ') + + # Convert text to lowercase + str.lower(text) + + # Split text into words and return + return str.split(text) + + +def count_keywords(word_list: list[str]) -> dict[str, int]: + """Return a frequency mapping of the VADER keywords in text. + """ + # ACCUMULATOR: A mapping of keyword frequencies seen so far + occurrences_so_far = {} + + for word in word_list: + if word in WORD_TO_INTENSITY: + if word not in occurrences_so_far: + occurrences_so_far[word] = 0 + occurrences_so_far[word] = occurrences_so_far[word] + 1 + + return occurrences_so_far + + +def calculate_average_intensity(occurrences: dict[str, int]) -> float: + """Return the average intensity of the given keyword occurrences. + + Preconditions: + - occurrences != {} + - all({occurrences[keyword] >= 1 for keyword in occurrences}) + """ + num_keywords = sum([occurrences[word] for word in occurrences]) + total_intensity = sum([WORD_TO_INTENSITY[word] * occurrences[word] + for word in occurrences]) + return total_intensity / num_keywords + + +############################################################################### +# Tests for report_sentiment (THERE ARE NO ERRORS IN THIS PART) +############################################################################### +def read_critic_data(filename: str) -> str: + """Return the movie review stored in the given file. + + The file is a CSV file with two rows, a header row and a row of actual + movie review data. These files are based on real movie review data from Metacritic, + though they have been altered slightly to fit this assignment. + + There ARE NO ERRORS in this function; it's used for testing purposes only. + """ + with open(filename) as file: + reader = csv.reader(file) + + # Skip header row + next(reader) + + # Read the movie review, which is the last entry in the row + row = next(reader) + review = row[len(row) - 1] + + return review + + +def test_star_wars() -> None: + """Test that the review for Star Wars gives the correct polarity and intensity. + + There is NO ERROR in this test. + """ + review = read_critic_data('data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv') + + actual = report_sentiment(review) + expected_polarity = 'positive' + expected_intensity = 2.25 + assert actual[0] == expected_polarity + assert math.isclose(actual[1], expected_intensity) + + +def test_legally_blonde() -> None: + """Test that the review for Legally Blonde gives the correct polarity and intensity. + + There is NO ERROR in this test. + """ + review = read_critic_data('data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv') + + actual = report_sentiment(review) + expected_polarity = 'positive' + expected_intensity = 0.8333333333333333 + assert actual[0] == expected_polarity + assert math.isclose(actual[1], expected_intensity) + + +def test_transformers() -> None: + """Test that the review for Transformers gives the correct polarity and intensity. + + There is NO ERROR in this test. + """ + review = read_critic_data('data/reviews/review_transformers.csv') + + actual = report_sentiment(review) + expected_polarity = 'negative' + expected_intensity = -0.9 + assert actual[0] == expected_polarity + assert math.isclose(actual[1], expected_intensity) + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + import python_ta.contracts + python_ta.contracts.DEBUG_CONTRACTS = False + python_ta.contracts.check_all_contracts() + + import pytest + pytest.main(['a3_part3.py', '-v']) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_part4.py b/assignments/a3/a3_part4.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c275429 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_part4.py @@ -0,0 +1,120 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3, Part 4: Forest Fires (SOLUTIONS) + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== +Implement each of the functions in this file. As usual, do not change any function headers +or preconditions. You do NOT need to add doctests. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import csv +import plotly.graph_objects as go + +from a3_ffwi_system import WeatherMetrics, FfwiOutput +import a3_ffwi_system as ffwi + + +def load_data(filename: str) -> tuple[list[WeatherMetrics], list[FfwiOutput]]: + """Return a tuple of two parallel lists based on the data in filename. The first list contains + WeatherMetrics. The second list contains the corresponding FfwiOutput. + + The data in filename is in a csv format with 12 columns. The first six columns correspond to + the month, day, temperature, relative humidity, wind speed, and precipitation, in that order. + The last six columns correspond to the FFMC, DMC, DC, ISI, BUI, and FWI values that would be + calculated based on the first six columns and the previous day's values. + """ + # ACCUMULATOR inputs_so_far: The WeatherMetrics parsed from filename so far + inputs_so_far = [] + # ACCUMULATOR outputs_so_far: The FfwiOutputs parsed from filename so far + outputs_so_far = [] + + with open(filename) as f: + reader = csv.reader(f, delimiter=',') + next(reader) # skip the header + + for row in reader: + assert len(row) == 12, 'Expected every row to contain 12 elements.' + # row is a list of strings + # Your task is to extract the relevant data from row and add it + # to the accumulator. + + return inputs_so_far, outputs_so_far + + +def calculate_ffwi_outputs(readings: list[WeatherMetrics]) -> dict[tuple[int, int], FfwiOutput]: + """Return a dictionary mapping (month, day) tuples to their corresponding FfwiOutput based on + the daily weather measurements found in readings. + + Use the functions in a3_ffwi_system for initial FFMC, DMC, and DC values and to calculate each + attribute needed for FfwiOutput. + + Preconditions: + - Every reading in readings has a unique (month, day) pair + """ + + +def get_xy_data(outputs: dict[tuple[int, int], FfwiOutput], attribute: str) -> \ + tuple[list[str], list[float]]: + """Return a tuple of two parallel lists. The first list contains the keys of outputs as + strings in the format 'month, day'. The second list contains the corresponding value of + the attribute of FfwiOutput. + + You can access an attribute from a data class using the getattr built-in function. For example, + >>> output = FfwiOutput(2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0, 6.0, 7.0) + >>> getattr(output, 'ffmc') + 2.0 + """ + + +def plot_ffwi_attribute(outputs: dict[tuple[int, int], FfwiOutput], attribute: str) -> None: + """Plot an attribute from FfwiOutput as a time series. + + Preconditions: + - attribute in {'ffmc', 'dmc', 'dc', 'isi', 'bui', 'fwi'} + - outputs != {} + """ + # Convert the outputs into parallel x and y lists + x_data, y_data = get_xy_data(outputs, attribute) + + # Create the figure + fig = go.Figure() + fig.add_trace(go.Scatter(x=x_data, y=y_data, name=attribute)) + + # Configure the figure + fig.update_layout(title=f'Time Series of {attribute}', + xaxis_title='(Month, Day)', + yaxis_title=f'Calculated {attribute}') + + # Show the figure in the browser + fig.show() + # Is the above not working for you? Comment it out, and uncomment the following: + # fig.write_html('my_figure.html') + # You will need to manually open the my_figure.html file created above. + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + import python_ta + import python_ta.contracts + python_ta.contracts.DEBUG_CONTRACTS = False + python_ta.contracts.check_all_contracts() + + # When you are ready to check your work with python_ta, uncomment the following lines. + # (Delete the "#" and space before each line.) + # IMPORTANT: keep this code indented inside the "if __name__ == '__main__'" block + # python_ta.check_all(config={ + # 'allowed-io': ['load_data'], + # 'extra-imports': ['python_ta.contracts', 'csv', 'plotly.graph_objects', 'a3_ffwi_system'], + # 'max-line-length': 100, + # 'max-args': 6, + # 'max-locals': 25, + # 'disable': ['R1705'], + # }) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_part4_tests.py b/assignments/a3/a3_part4_tests.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..71548f3 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_part4_tests.py @@ -0,0 +1,105 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3: Part 4 (Student Test Suite) + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== +Complete the unit tests in this file based on their docstring descriptions. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import pytest + +from a3_part4 import load_data +from a3_ffwi_system import WeatherMetrics, FfwiOutput + +import a3_ffwi_system as ffwi + + +class TestCalculateMr: + """A collection of unit tests for calculate_mr.""" + + def test_equation_3a_branch(self) -> None: + """Test the branch calculate_mr that contains Equation 3a.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + def test_equation_3b_branch(self) -> None: + """Test the branch calculate_mr that contains Equation 3b.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + +class TestCalculateM: + """A collection of unit tests for calculate_m.""" + + def test_no_mutation_mo_equals_ed(self) -> None: + """Test that calculate_m does not mutate the WeatherMetrics argument when mo == ed.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + def test_no_mutation_mo_leq_ew(self) -> None: + """Test that calculate_m does not mutate the WeatherMetrics argument when mo <= ew.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + def test_no_mutation_mo_greater_than_ew(self) -> None: + """Test that calculate_m does not mutate the WeatherMetrics argument when mo > ew.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + def test_no_mutation_mo_greater_than_ed(self) -> None: + """Test that calculate_m does not mutate the WeatherMetrics argument when mo > ed.""" + # TODO: Complete this unit test and remove this TODO + + +@pytest.fixture +def sample_data() -> tuple[list[WeatherMetrics], list[FfwiOutput]]: + """A pytest fixture containing the data in data/ffwi/sample_data.csv + + NOTE: Do not change this function. Do not call this function directly. It is a pytest fixture, + so pytest will call it automatically and pass it to test_ffmc_against_ground_truth below. + """ + return load_data('data/ffwi/sample_data.csv') + + +def test_ffmc_against_ground_truth(sample_data) -> None: + """Test the correctness of calculate_ffmc, calculate_dmc, calculate_dc, calculate_isi, + calculate_bui, and calculate_fwi based on sample_data. + + Ensure that, for every WeatherMetric element in sample_data[0] passed to each of the calculate_ + functions mentioned above, the return value, rounded to the nearest decimal, matches the + corresponding value from the FfwiOutput element in sample_data[1]. + + Hints: + - You will need to use the built-in function round. + - You may want to use pytest.approx since you are comparing float values. + """ + ffmc = ffwi.INITIAL_FFMC + dmc = ffwi.INITIAL_DMC + dc = ffwi.INITIAL_DC + + inputs, outputs = sample_data + # TODO: Complete this test and remove this TODO. + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + pytest.main(['a3_part4_tests.py']) + + # When you are ready to check your work with python_ta, uncomment the following lines. + # (Delete the "#" and space before each line.) + # IMPORTANT: keep this code indented inside the "if __name__ == '__main__'" block + # import python_ta + # import python_ta.contracts + # python_ta.contracts.DEBUG_CONTRACTS = False + # python_ta.contracts.check_all_contracts() + # python_ta.check_all(config={ + # 'allowed-io': ['load_data'], + # 'extra-imports': ['a3_ffwi_system', 'a3_part4', 'pytest'], + # 'max-line-length': 100, + # 'max-args': 6, + # 'max-locals': 25, + # 'disable': ['R1705', 'R0201', 'C0103', 'W0621', 'E9970'], + # }) diff --git a/assignments/a3/a3_sample_tests.py b/assignments/a3/a3_sample_tests.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f2a2b67 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/a3_sample_tests.py @@ -0,0 +1,129 @@ +"""CSC110 Fall 2021 Assignment 3, Example Tests + +Instructions (READ THIS FIRST!) +=============================== +This Python module contains example tests you can run for Parts 1 and 2 of this assignment. Please +note that passing all these tests does NOT mean you have a 100% correct solution. + +Some of the tests are empty, consider completing them. Also consider adding more of your own tests. + +Copyright and Usage Information +=============================== + +This file is provided solely for the personal and private use of students +taking CSC110 at the University of Toronto St. George campus. All forms of +distribution of this code, whether as given or with any changes, are +expressly prohibited. For more information on copyright for CSC110 materials, +please consult our Course Syllabus. + +This file is Copyright (c) 2021 Mario Badr and Tom Fairgrieve. +""" +import a3_part1 +import a3_part2 + + +class TestCreateModelUniform: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 1 - create_model_uniform.""" + + def test_two_words(self) -> None: + """Test that the correct model is produced when the text contains two words.""" + test_text = 'Hello, World!' + expected = {'Hello,': 1, 'World!': 1} + + assert a3_part1.create_model_uniform(test_text) == expected + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +class TestUpdateFollowList: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 2 - update_follow_list.""" + + def test_empty(self) -> None: + """Test that an empty dictionary is mutated correctly.""" + test_model = {} + a3_part2.update_follow_list(test_model, 'I', 'like') + + assert test_model == {'I': ['like']} + + def test_not_empty_key_exists(self) -> None: + """Test that a non-empty dictionary is mutated correctly when the key already exists.""" + test_model = {'I': ['like']} + a3_part2.update_follow_list(test_model, 'I', 'really') + + assert test_model == {'I': ['like', 'really']} + + def test_not_empty_key_does_not_exist(self) -> None: + """Test that a non-empty dictionary is mutated correctly when the key already exists.""" + # TODO: Consider completing this test based on its docstring + test_model = {'I': ['like']} + a3_part2.update_follow_list(test_model, 'like', 'chocolate') + + assert test_model == {'I': ['like'], 'like': ['chocolate']} + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +class TestCreateModelOwc: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 2 - create_model_owc.""" + + def test_two_words(self) -> None: + """Test that the correct model is produced when the text contains two words.""" + test_text = 'Hello, World!' + + expected_word_count = 2 + expected_model = {'Hello,': ['World!']} + + actual_word_count, actual_model = a3_part2.create_model_owc(test_text) + assert actual_word_count == expected_word_count + assert actual_model == expected_model + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +class TestChooseFromKeys: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 2 - choose_from_keys.""" + + def test_one_possibility(self) -> None: + """Test that the only possible key is returned.""" + test_transitions = {'The': ['cat']} + + assert a3_part2.choose_from_keys(test_transitions) == 'The' + + def test_two_possibilities(self) -> None: + """Test that one of two possible keys is returned.""" + test_transitions = {'The': ['cat'], 'cat': ['in']} + possibilities = {'The', 'cat'} + + assert a3_part2.choose_from_keys(test_transitions) in possibilities + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +class TestChooseFromFollowList: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 2 - choose_from_follow_list.""" + + def test_one_possibility(self) -> None: + """Test that the only possible value for a key is returned.""" + test_transitions = {'The': ['cat'], 'cat': ['in'], 'in': ['the'], 'the': ['hat.']} + + assert a3_part2.choose_from_follow_list('The', test_transitions) == 'cat' + + def test_one_possibility_mutation(self) -> None: + """Test that the dictionary is mutated correctly.""" + test_transitions = {'The': ['cat'], 'cat': ['in'], 'in': ['the'], 'the': ['hat.']} + a3_part2.choose_from_follow_list('The', test_transitions) + + assert test_transitions == {'cat': ['in'], 'in': ['the'], 'the': ['hat.']} + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +class TestGenerateTextOwc: + """Some example tests for A3 Part 2 - generate_text_owc.""" + + # TODO: Consider adding more tests + + +if __name__ == '__main__': + import pytest + pytest.main(['a3_example_tests.py']) diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/ffwi/sample_data.csv b/assignments/a3/data/ffwi/sample_data.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1291420 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/ffwi/sample_data.csv @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ +Month,Day,Temp,Humidity,Wind,Rain,FFMC,DMC,DC,ISI,BUI,FWI +4,13,17.0,42.0,25.0,0.0,87.7,8.5,19.0,10.9,8.5,10.1 +4,14,20.0,21.0,25.0,2.4,86.2,10.4,23.6,8.8,10.4,9.3 +4,15,8.5,40.0,17.0,0.0,87.0,11.8,26.1,6.5,11.7,7.6 +4,16,6.5,25.0,6.0,0.0,88.8,13.2,28.2,4.9,13.1,6.2 +4,17,13.0,34.0,24.0,0.0,89.1,15.4,31.5,12.6,15.3,14.8 +4,18,6.0,40.0,22.0,0.4,88.7,16.5,33.5,10.7,16.4,13.5 +4,19,5.5,52.0,6.0,0.0,87.4,17.2,35.4,4.0,17.1,5.9 +4,20,8.5,46.0,16.0,0.0,87.4,18.5,37.9,6.6,18.4,9.7 +4,21,9.5,54.0,20.0,0.0,86.8,19.7,40.6,7.4,19.6,11.0 +4,22,7.0,93.0,14.0,9.0,29.9,10.1,29.5,0.0,10.9,0.0 +4,23,6.5,71.0,17.0,1.0,49.4,10.7,31.6,0.4,11.6,0.2 +4,24,6.0,59.0,17.0,0.0,67.3,11.4,33.7,1.3,12.3,0.9 +4,25,13.0,52.0,4.0,0.0,77.8,13.0,37.0,1.1,13.9,0.8 +4,26,15.5,40.0,11.0,0.0,85.5,15.4,40.7,3.9,15.9,5.5 +4,27,23.0,25.0,9.0,0.0,91.5,19.8,45.8,8.4,19.8,12.2 +4,28,19.0,46.0,16.0,0.0,89.9,22.5,50.2,9.5,22.4,14.3 +4,29,18.0,41.0,20.0,0.0,90.0,25.2,54.4,11.7,25.1,17.7 +4,30,14.5,51.0,16.0,0.0,88.4,27.0,57.9,7.7,27.0,13.3 +5,1,14.5,69.0,11.0,0.0,85.7,28.3,63.0,4.0,28.2,8.0 +5,2,15.5,42.0,8.0,0.0,87.4,30.8,68.2,4.4,30.8,9.1 +5,3,21.0,37.0,8.0,0.0,89.4,34.5,74.3,5.9,34.4,12.3 +5,4,23.0,32.0,16.0,0.0,91.0,38.8,80.9,11.1,38.7,21.0 +5,5,23.0,32.0,14.0,0.0,91.2,43.1,87.4,10.3,43.0,21.1 +5,6,27.0,33.0,12.0,0.0,91.7,48.1,94.7,9.9,47.9,21.7 +5,7,28.0,17.0,27.0,0.0,95.2,54.5,102.1,34.5,54.3,52.6 +5,8,23.5,54.0,20.0,0.0,89.7,57.4,108.8,11.3,57.2,25.9 +5,9,16.0,50.0,22.0,12.2,62.2,29.9,91.8,1.4,33.0,3.0 +5,10,11.5,58.0,20.0,0.0,76.7,31.3,96.3,2.3,34.5,5.4 +5,11,16.0,54.0,16.0,0.0,83.5,33.4,101.6,3.8,36.7,8.9 +5,12,21.5,37.0,9.0,0.0,88.7,37.1,107.8,5.6,39.9,12.8 +5,13,14.0,61.0,22.0,0.2,86.7,38.7,112.8,8.1,41.6,17.3 +5,14,15.0,30.0,27.0,0.0,89.6,41.7,117.9,15.9,44.2,28.8 +5,15,20.0,23.0,11.0,0.0,92.1,45.9,123.9,10.1,47.7,21.9 +5,16,14.0,95.0,3.0,16.4,21.3,20.1,97.0,0.0,26.5,0.0 +5,17,20.0,53.0,4.0,2.8,51.0,18.3,103.0,0.2,25.3,0.2 +5,18,19.5,30.0,16.0,0.0,82.3,22.1,108.9,3.3,29.3,6.8 +5,19,25.5,51.0,20.0,6.0,75.4,16.4,106.4,2.1,23.7,3.8 +5,20,10.0,38.0,24.0,0.0,84.3,18.2,110.6,6.4,25.8,11.3 +5,21,19.0,27.0,16.0,0.0,90.3,22.1,116.4,10.0,29.9,17.2 +5,22,26.0,46.0,11.0,4.2,77.6,18.7,117.7,1.6,26.8,2.9 +5,23,30.0,38.0,22.0,0.0,90.2,23.8,125.5,13.4,32.3,22.0 +5,24,25.5,67.0,19.0,12.6,65.3,13.1,108.5,1.4,20.2,1.9 +5,25,12.0,53.0,28.0,11.8,55.4,7.7,91.6,1.2,12.8,0.8 +5,26,21.0,38.0,8.0,0.0,80.8,11.3,97.8,1.9,17.6,2.6 +5,27,13.0,70.0,20.0,3.8,61.7,8.4,97.9,1.2,13.8,0.9 +5,28,9.0,78.0,24.0,1.4,64.5,9.0,101.9,1.7,14.7,2.0 +5,29,11.0,54.0,16.0,0.0,77.6,10.5,106.3,2.0,16.8,2.8 +5,30,15.5,39.0,9.0,0.0,85.4,13.1,111.5,3.5,20.3,5.8 +5,31,18.0,36.0,5.0,0.0,88.5,16.3,117.1,4.4,24.2,7.9 diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4f40525 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_legally_blonde.csv @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +critic_name,media,movie_title,review_date,individual_meta_score,text +Kenneth Turan,Los Angeles Times,Legally Blonde,,50,"Guilty of squandering resources. Amusing as it goes about setting up its premise, in Witherspoon, the gifted veteran of ""Election"" and ""Pleasantville,"" it has an actress willing to throw herself completely into the part to excellent effect." \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da7c56b --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_star_wars.csv @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +critic_name,media,movie_title,review_date,individual_meta_score,text +,Variety,Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope,,100,"A magnificent film. George Lucas set out to make the biggest possible adventure fantasy out of his memories of serials and older action epics, and he succeeded brilliantly." diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_transformers.csv b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_transformers.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3b708f0 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/reviews/review_transformers.csv @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +critic_name,media,movie_title,review_date,individual_meta_score,text +Tasha Robinson,The A.V. Club,Transformers,,42,"Turns the franchise into a terrible, terrible '80s comedy." diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/adele.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/adele.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..51dcd14 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/adele.txt @@ -0,0 +1,542 @@ +You left with no goodbye, +Not a single word was said, +No final kiss to seal any seams, +I had no idea of the state we were in, + +I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness, +And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head, + +But don't you remember? +Don't you remember? +The reason you loved me before, +Baby, please remember me once more, + +When was the last time you thought of me? +Or have you completely erased me from your memory? +I often think about where I went wrong, +The more I do, the less I know, + +But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness, +And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head, + +But don't you remember? +Don't you remember? +The reason you loved me before, +Baby, please remember me once more, + +Gave you space so you could breathe, +I kept my distance so you would be free, +And hoped that you'd find the missing piece, +To bring you back to me, + +Why don't you remember? +Don't you remember? +The reason you loved me before, +Baby, please remember me once more, + +When will I see you again? +on. + +Daydreamer +Sitting on the sea +Soaking up the sun +He is a real lover +Of making up the past +And feeling up his girl +Like he's never felt her figure before + +A jaw dropper +Looks good when he walks +Is the subject of their talk +He would be hard to chase +But good to catch +And he could change the world +With his hands behind his back, oh + +You can find him sittin' on your doorstep +Waiting for a surprise +And he will feel like he's been there for hours +And you can tell that he'll be there for life + +Daydreamer +With eyes that make you melt +He lends his coat for shelter +Plus he's there for you +When he shouldn't be +But he stays all the same +Waits for you +Then sees you through + +There's no way I +Could describe him +What I'll say is +Just what I'm hoping for + +But I will find him sittin' on my doorstep +Waiting for a surprise +And he will feel like he's been there for hours +And I can tell that he'll be there for life +And I can tell that he'll be there for life + +I heard that you're settled down +That you found a girl and you're married now. +I heard that your dreams came true. +Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you. + +Old friend, why are you so shy? +Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. + +I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited +But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. +I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded +That for me it isn't over. + +Never mind, I'll find someone like you +I wish nothing but the best for you too +Don't forget me, I beg +I remember you said, +"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, +Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, " +Yeah + +You know how the time flies +Only yesterday was the time of our lives +We were born and raised +In a summer haze +Bound by the surprise of our glory days + +I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited +But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. +I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded +That for me it isn't over. + +Never mind, I'll find someone like you +I wish nothing but the best for you too +Don't forget me, I beg +I remember you said, +"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." +Yeah + +Nothing compares +No worries or cares +Regrets and mistakes +They are memories made. +Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? + +Never mind, I'll find someone like you +I wish nothing but the best for you +Don't forget me, I beg +I remember you said, +"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." + +Never mind, I'll find someone like you +I wish nothing but the best for you too +Don't forget me, I beg +I remember you said, +"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, +Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." +Yeah +I let it fall, my heart, +And as it fell you rose to claim it +It was dark and I was over +Until you kissed my lips and you saved me + +My hands, they're strong +But my knees were far too weak +To stand in your arms +Without falling to your feet + +But there's a side to you +That I never knew, never knew. +All the things you'd say +They were never true, never true, +And the games you play +You would always win, always win. + +[Chorus:] +But I set fire to the rain, +Watched it pour as I touched your face, +Well, it burned while I cried +'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name! + +When I lay with you +I could stay there +Close my eyes +Feel you here forever +You and me together +Nothing is better + +'Cause there's a side to you +That I never knew, never knew, +All the things you'd say, +They were never true, never true, +And the games you play +You would always win, always win. + +[Chorus:] +But I set fire to the rain, +Watched it pour as I touched your face, +Well, it burned while I cried +'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name! + +I set fire to the rain +And I threw us into the flames +Where it felt something die +'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time! + +Sometimes I wake up by the door, +That heart you caught must be waiting for you +Even now when we're already over +I can't help myself from looking for you. + +[Chorus:] +I set fire to the rain, +Watched it pour as I touched your face, +Well, it burned while I cried +'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name + +I set fire to the rain, +And I threw us into the flames +Where it felt something die +'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh, ohhhh! + +Oh noooo +Let it burn +Oh oh ohhhh +Let it burn +Oh oh ohhhh +Let it burn +Oh oh ohhhh + + +Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve? +It's been there for days on end and +It's been waiting for you to open up +Yours too baby, come on now +I'm trying to tell you just how +I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally +Say that it's always been me + +This made you feel a way you've never felt before +And I'm all you need and that you never want more +Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue +But you'd save the best for last +Like I'm the one for you + +You should know that you're just a temporary fix +This isn't a routine with you it don't mean that much to me +You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free +How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me + +Why is it every time I think I've tried my hardest +It turns out it ain't enough, you're still not mentioning love +What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly? +I'm taking these chances and getting nowhere +And though I'm trying my hardest you go back to her +And I think that I know things may never change +I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say + +I make you feel a way you've never felt before +And I'm all you need and that you never want more +Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue +But you'd save the best for last +Like I'm the one for you + +You should know that you're just a temporary fix +This isn't a routine with you it don't mean that much to me +You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free +How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me + +But, despite the truth that I know +I find it hard to let go and give up on you +Seems I love the things you do +Like the meaner you treat me more eager I am +To persist with this heartbreak, running around +And I will do until I find myself with you and + +Make you feel a way you've never felt before +And be all you need so that you'll never want more +And you'll say all of the right things without a clue +And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you + +I've made up my mind, +Don't need to think it over +If I'm wrong, I am right +Don't need to look no further, +This ain't lust +I know this is love +But, if I tell the world +I'll never say enough +'cause it was not said to you +And that's exactly what I need to do +If I end up with you + +[Chorus] +Should I give up, +Or should I just keep chasin' pavements? +Even if it leads nowhere +Or would it be a waste +Even if I knew my place +Should I leave it there +Should I give up, +Or should I just keep chasin' pavements +Even if it leads nowhere + +I build myself up +And fly around in circles +Waitin' as my heart drops +And my back begins to tingle +Finally, could this be it + +[Chorus] +Or should I give up +Or should I just keep chasin' pavements +Even if it leads nowhere +Or would it be a waste +Even if I knew my place +Should I leave it there + +Should I give up +Or should I just keep chasin' pavements +Even if it leads nowhere +Or would it be a waste +Even if I knew my place should I leave it there +Should I give up +Or should I just keep on chasin' pavements +Should I just keep on chasin' pavements +Ohh oh + +[Chorus x2] +elf today +Singing out loud your name, +You said I'm crazy, +If I am I'm crazy for you. + +Sometimes sitting in the dark +Wishing you were here +Turns me crazy, +But it's you who makes me lose my head. + +And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible +You drift into my head +And turn me into a crumbling fool. + +Tell me to run and I'll race, +If you want me to stop I'll freeze, +And if you want me gone, I'll leave, +Just hold me closer, baby, +And make me crazy for you. +Crazy for you. + +Lately with this state I'm in +I can't help myself but spin. +I wish you'd come over, +Send me spinning closer to you. + +My oh my, how my blood boils, +It's sweet taste for you, +Strips me down bare +And gets me into my favourite mood. + +I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away, +But the more I do, +The crazier I turn into. + +Pacing floors and opening doors, +Hoping you'll walk through +And save me boy, +Because I'm too crazy for you. +Crazy for you +Right under my feet there's air made of bricks +Pulls me down turns me weak for you +I find myself repeating like a broken tune +And I'm forever excusing your intentions +And I give in to my pretendings +Which forgive you each time +Without me knowing +They melt my heart to stone + +And I hear your words that I made up +You say my name like there could be an us +I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love +I'm the only one in love + +Each and every time I turn around to leave +I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed +So desperately I try to link it with my head +But instead I fall back to my knees +As you tear your way right through me +I forgive you once again +Without me knowing +You've burnt my heart to stone + +And I hear your words that I made up +You say my name like there could be an us +I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love +I'm the only one in love + +Why do you steal my hand +Whenever I'm standing my own ground +You build me up, then leave me dead + +Well I hear your words you made up +I say your name like there should be an us +I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love +I'm the only one in love + +So little to say but so much time, +Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind. +Please wear the face, the one where you smile, +Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry. + +Forgive me first love, but I'm tired. +I need to get away to feel again. +Try to understand why, +don't get so close to change my mind. +Please wipe that look out of your eyes, +it's bribing me to doubt myself; +Simply, it's tiring. + +This love has dried up and stayed behind, +And if I stay I'll be a lie +Then choke on words I'd always hide. +Excuse me first love, but we're through. +I need to taste a kiss from someone new. + +Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired. +I'm bored to say the least and I, I lack desire. +Forgive me first love, +Forgive me first love, +Forgive me first love, +Forgive me first love, +Forgive me, +Forgive me first love, +Forgive me first love + +Who wants to be right as rain +It's better when something is wrong +You get excitement in your bones +And everything you do's a game +When night comes and you're on your own +You can say "I chose to be alone" +Who wants to be right as rain +It's harder when you're on top + +'Cause when hard work don't pay off +And I'm tired there ain't no room in my bed +As far as I'm concerned +So wipe that dirty smile off +We won't be making up +I've cried my heart out +And now I've had enough of love + +Who wants to be riding high +When you'll just crumble back on down +You give up everything you are +And even then you don't get far +They make believe that everything +Is exactly what it seems +But at least when you're at your worst +You know how to feel things + +See when hard work don't pay off and I'm tired +There ain't no room in my bed +As far as I'm concerned +So wipe that dirty smile off +We won't be making up +I've cried my heart out +And now I've had enough of love + +Go ahead and still my heart +To make me cry again +'Cause it will never hurt +As much as it did then +When we were both right +And no one had blame +But now I give up +On this endless game + +'Cause who wants to be right as rain +It's better when something is wrong +I get excitement in my bones +Even thought everything's a strain +When night comes and I'm on my own +You should know I chose to be alone +Who wants to be right as rain +It's harder when you're on top + +'Cause when hard work don't pay off and I'm tired +There ain't no room in my bed +As far as I'm concerned +So wipe that dirty smile off +We won't be making up +I've cried my heart out +And now I've had enough of love + +When the rain is blowing in your face, +And the whole world is on your case, +I could offer you a warm embrace +To make you feel my love. + +When the evening shadows and the stars appear, +And there is no one there to dry your tears, +I could hold you for a million years +To make you feel my love. + +I know you haven't made your mind up yet, +But I would never do you wrong. +I've known it from the moment that we met, +No doubt in my mind where you belong. + +I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue, +I'd go crawling down the avenue. +No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do +To make you feel my love. + +The storms are raging on the rolling sea +And on the highway of regret. +Though winds of change are blowing wild and free, +You ain't seen nothing like me yet. + +I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. +Nothing that I wouldn't do. +Go to the ends of the Earth for you, +To make you feel my love +To make you feel my love + +u said I'm stubborn and I never give in +I think you're stubborn 'cept you're always softening +You say I'm selfish, I agree with you on that +I think you're giving out in way too much in fact +I say we've only known each other one year +You say I've known you longer my dear +You like to be so close, I like to be alone +I like to sit on chairs and you prefer the floor +Walking with each other, think we'll never match at all, but we do +But we do, but we do, but we do + +I thought I knew myself, somehow you know me more +I've never known this, never before +You're the first to make out whenever we are two +I don't know who I'd be if I didn't know you +You're so provocative, I'm so conservative +You're so adventurous, I'm so very cautious, combining +You think we would and we do, but we do, but we do, but we do + +Instrumental bit! + +Favouritism ain't my thing but, +In this situation I'll be glad... + +Favouritism ain't my thing but,in this situation I'll be glad to make an exception + +You said I'm stubborn and I never give in +I think you're stubborn 'cept you're always softening +You say I'm selfish, I agree with you on that +I think you're giving out in way too much in fact +I say we've only known each other one year +You say I've known you longer my dear +You like to be so close, I like to be alone +I like to sit on chairs and you prefer the floor +Walking with each other, think we'll never match at all, but we do + diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/alice.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/alice.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..567e7ed --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/alice.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3584 @@ + Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister +on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had +peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no +pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' +thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?' + + So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, +for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether +the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble +of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White +Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. + + There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice +think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to +itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought +it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have +wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); +but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- +POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to +her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never +before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to +take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the +field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop +down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. + + In another moment down went Alice after it, never once +considering how in the world she was to get out again. + + The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, +and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a +moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself +falling down a very deep well. + + Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she +had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to +wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look +down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to +see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and +noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; +here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She +took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was +labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it +was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing +somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she +fell past it. + + `Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I +shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll +all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, +even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely +true.) + + Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I +wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. +`I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let +me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, +you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her +lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good +opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to +listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes, +that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude +or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, +or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to +say.) + + Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right +THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the +people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I +think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this +time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall +have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. +Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried +to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling +through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what +an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll +never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.' + + Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon +began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I +should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember +her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were +down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but +you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. +But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get +rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of +way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do +bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either +question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt +that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she +was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very +earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a +bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of +sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. + + Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a +moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her +was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in +sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: +away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it +say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late +it's getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the +corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found +herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps +hanging from the roof. + + There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; +and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the +other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, +wondering how she was ever to get out again. + + Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of +solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, +and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the +doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or +the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of +them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low +curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little +door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key +in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted! + + Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small +passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and +looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. +How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about +among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but +she could not even get her head through the doorway; `and even if +my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of +very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish +I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only +know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things +had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few +things indeed were really impossible. + + There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she +went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on +it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like +telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which +certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck +of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME' +beautifully printed on it in large letters. + + It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little +Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I'll look +first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; +for she had read several nice little histories about children who +had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant +things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules +their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker +will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your +finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had +never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked +`poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or +later. + + However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured +to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort +of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast +turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished +it off. + + * * * * * * * + + * * * * * * + + * * * * * * * + + `What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up +like a telescope.' + + And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and +her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right +size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. +First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was +going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about +this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my +going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be +like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is +like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember +ever having seen such a thing. + + After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided +on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! +when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the +little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, +she found she could not possibly reach it: she could see it +quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb +up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; +and when she had tired herself out with trying, +the poor little thing sat down and cried. + + `Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to +herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!' +She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very +seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so +severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered +trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game +of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious +child was very fond of pretending to be two people. `But it's no +use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why, +there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable +person!' + + Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under +the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on +which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. +`Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, +I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep +under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I +don't care which happens!' + + She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which +way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to +feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to +find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally +happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the +way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, +that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the +common way. + + So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. + + * * * * * * * + + * * * * * * + + * * * * * * * + + + + + CHAPTER II + + The Pool of Tears + + + `Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much +surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good +English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that +ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her +feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so +far off). `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on +your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_ shan't +be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself +about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be +kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the +way I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of +boots every Christmas.' + + And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. +`They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll +seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the +directions will look! + + ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ. + HEARTHRUG, + NEAR THE FENDER, + (WITH ALICE'S LOVE). + +Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!' + + Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in +fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took +up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. + + Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one +side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get +through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to +cry again. + + `You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great +girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in +this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all +the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool +all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the +hall. + + After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the +distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. +It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a +pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the +other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to +himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she +be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so desperate +that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit +came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please, +sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid +gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard +as he could go. + + Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very +hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: +`Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday +things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in +the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this +morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little +different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in +the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began +thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age +as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of +them. + + `I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such +long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm +sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, +oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, +and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the +things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, +and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear! +I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the +Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. +London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, +and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been +changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' +and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, +and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and +strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:-- + + `How doth the little crocodile + Improve his shining tail, + And pour the waters of the Nile + On every golden scale! + + `How cheerfully he seems to grin, + How neatly spread his claws, + And welcome little fishes in + With gently smiling jaws!' + + `I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and +her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel +after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little +house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so +many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm +Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their +heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look +up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I +like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down +here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a +sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads +down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!' + + As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was +surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little +white kid gloves while she was talking. `How CAN I have done +that?' she thought. `I must be growing small again.' She got up +and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, +as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high, +and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the +cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it +hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether. + +`That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at +the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in +existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed +back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut +again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as +before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, +`for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare +it's too bad, that it is!' + + As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another +moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first +idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that +case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had +been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general +conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find +a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in +the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and +behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that +she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine +feet high. + + `I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, +trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I +suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer +thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.' + + Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a +little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at +first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then +she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that +it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself. + + `Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this +mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should +think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in +trying.' So she began: `O Mouse, do you know the way out of +this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!' +(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: +she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having +seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a +mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather +inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little +eyes, but it said nothing. + + `Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I +daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the +Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had +no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she +began again: `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in +her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the +water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. `Oh, I beg +your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the +poor animal's feelings. `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.' + + `Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate +voice. `Would YOU like cats if you were me?' + + `Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: `don't be +angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: +I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. +She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, +as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so +nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and +she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital +one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again, +for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt +certain it must be really offended. `We won't talk about her any +more if you'd rather not.' + + `We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end +of his tail. `As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family +always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear +the name again!' + + `I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the +subject of conversation. `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' +The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: `There is +such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! +A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly +brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and +it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I +can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you +know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! +He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a +sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the +Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and +making quite a commotion in the pool as it went. + + So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear! Do come back +again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't +like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam +slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice +thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to +the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll +understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.' + + It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded +with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a +Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious +creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the +shore. + + + + CHAPTER III + + A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale + + + They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the +bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their +fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and +uncomfortable. + + The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they +had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed +quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with +them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had +quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, +and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better'; +and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, +and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no +more to be said. + + At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among +them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL +soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large +ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes +anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad +cold if she did not get dry very soon. + + `Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready? +This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! +"William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was +soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been +of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and +Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"' + + `Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver. + + `I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very +politely: `Did you speak?' + + `Not I!' said the Lory hastily. + + `I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and +Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: +and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found +it advisable--"' + + `Found WHAT?' said the Duck. + + `Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you +know what "it" means.' + + `I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said +the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, +what did the archbishop find?' + + The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, +`"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William +and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was +moderate. But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you +getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it +spoke. + + `As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't +seem to dry me at all.' + + `In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I +move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more +energetic remedies--' + + `Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of +half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do +either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: +some of the other birds tittered audibly. + + `What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, +`was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.' + + `What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much +to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY +ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. + + `Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.' +(And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter +day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) + + First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the +exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party +were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One, +two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked, +and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know +when the race was over. However, when they had been running half +an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called +out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, +and asking, `But who has won?' + + This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of +thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon +its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, +in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At +last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have +prizes.' + + `But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices +asked. + + `Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with +one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, +calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!' + + Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand +in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt +water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. +There was exactly one a-piece all round. + + `But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse. + + `Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have +you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice. + + `Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly. + + `Hand it over here,' said the Dodo. + + Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo +solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of +this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short +speech, they all cheered. + + Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked +so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not +think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, +looking as solemn as she could. + + The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise +and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not +taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on +the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again +in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more. + + `You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, +`and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half +afraid that it would be offended again. + + `Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to +Alice, and sighing. + + `It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with +wonder at the Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And +she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so +that her idea of the tale was something like this:-- + + `Fury said to a + mouse, That he + met in the + house, + "Let us + both go to + law: I will + prosecute + YOU. --Come, + I'll take no + denial; We + must have a + trial: For + really this + morning I've + nothing + to do." + Said the + mouse to the + cur, "Such + a trial, + dear Sir, + With + no jury + or judge, + would be + wasting + our + breath." + "I'll be + judge, I'll + be jury," + Said + cunning + old Fury: + "I'll + try the + whole + cause, + and + condemn + you + to + death."' + + + `You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. +`What are you thinking of?' + + `I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to +the fifth bend, I think?' + + `I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily. + + `A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and +looking anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!' + + `I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up +and walking away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!' + + `I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily +offended, you know!' + + The Mouse only growled in reply. + + `Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after +it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but +the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little +quicker. + + `What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it +was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of +saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you +never to lose YOUR temper!' `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the +young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're enough to try the +patience of an oyster!' + + `I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, +addressing nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!' + + `And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' +said the Lory. + + Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about +her pet: `Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for +catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her +after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look +at it!' + + This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. +Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began +wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be +getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary +called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my +dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts +they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. + + `I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a +melancholy tone. `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm +sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I +wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice +began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. +In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of +footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping +that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to +finish his story. + + + + CHAPTER IV + + The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill + + + It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and +looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; +and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess! +Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me +executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have +dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was +looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she +very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were +nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her +swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and +the little door, had vanished completely. + + Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, +and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE +you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of +gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened +that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without +trying to explain the mistake it had made. + + `He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. +`How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd +better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' +As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door +of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT' +engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried +upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, +and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and +gloves. + + `How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going +messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on +messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that +would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready +for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see +that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went +on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering +people about like that!' + + By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with +a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two +or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and +a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when +her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- +glass. There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,' +but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know +SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself, +`whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this +bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for +really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!' + + It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: +before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing +against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being +broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself +`That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I +can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so +much!' + + Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and +growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in +another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried +the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the +other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, +as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one +foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more, +whatever happens. What WILL become of me?' + + Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full +effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, +and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting +out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy. + + `It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one +wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about +by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that +rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, +this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened to me! +When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing +never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There +ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when +I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a +sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more +HERE.' + + `But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I +am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- +but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!' + + `Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you +learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no +room at all for any lesson-books!' + + And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, +and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few +minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. + + `Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves +this moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the +stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and +she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she +was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no +reason to be afraid of it. + + Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; +but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed +hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it +say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.' + + `THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she +fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly +spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not +get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall, +and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was +just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something +of the sort. + + Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are +you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then +I'm here! Digging for apples, yer honour!' + + `Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here! +Come and help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.) + + `Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?' + + `Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.') + + `An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it +fills the whole window!' + + `Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.' + + `Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it +away!' + + There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear +whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer +honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at +last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in +the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more +sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there +must be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for +pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I +don't want to stay in here any longer!' + + She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at +last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a +good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: +`Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; +Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up +at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half +high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-- +Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind +that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud +crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go +down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't, +then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to +go down the chimney!' + + `Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said +Alice to herself. `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! +I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is +narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!' + + She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and +waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what +sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close +above her: then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one +sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next. + + The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes +Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the +hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold +up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? +What happened to you? Tell us all about it!' + + Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,' +thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm +better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know +is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes +like a sky-rocket!' + + `So you did, old fellow!' said the others. + + `We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and +Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set +Dinah at you!' + + There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to +herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any +sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they +began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A +barrowful will do, to begin with.' + + `A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to +doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came +rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face. +`I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out, +`You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead +silence. + + Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all +turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright +idea came into her head. `If I eat one of these cakes,' she +thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it +can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I +suppose.' + + So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find +that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small +enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and +found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. +The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by +two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. +They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she +ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a +thick wood. + + `The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she +wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again; +and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. +I think that will be the best plan.' + + It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and +simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the +smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering +about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over +her head made her look up in a great hurry. + + An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round +eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. +`Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried +hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the +time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it +would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. + + Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of +stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped +into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, +and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice +dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run +over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy +made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in +its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very +like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every +moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle +again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the +stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long +way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat +down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its +mouth, and its great eyes half shut. + + This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; +so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out +of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the +distance. + + `And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she +leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself +with one of the leaves: `I should have liked teaching it tricks +very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh +dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let +me see--how IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or +drink something or other; but the great question is, what?' + + The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round +her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see +anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under +the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, +about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under +it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her +that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it. + + She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of +the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large +caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, +quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice +of her or of anything else. + + + + CHAPTER V + + Advice from a Caterpillar + + + The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in +silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its +mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. + + `Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar. + + This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice +replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- +at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think +I must have been changed several times since then.' + + `What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. +`Explain yourself!' + + `I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because +I'm not myself, you see.' + + `I don't see,' said the Caterpillar. + + `I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very +politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and +being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.' + + `It isn't,' said the Caterpillar. + + `Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but +when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you +know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll +feel it a little queer, won't you?' + + `Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar. + + `Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; +`all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.' + + `You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. `Who are YOU?' + + Which brought them back again to the beginning of the +conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's +making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, +very gravely, `I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.' + + `Why?' said the Caterpillar. + + Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not +think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in +a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. + + `Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. `I've something +important to say!' + + This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back +again. + + `Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar. + + `Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as +she could. + + `No,' said the Caterpillar. + + Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else +to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth +hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but +at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth +again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?' + + `I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as +I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!' + + `Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar. + + `Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it +all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. + + `Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar. + + Alice folded her hands, and began:-- + + `You are old, Father William,' the young man said, + `And your hair has become very white; + And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- + Do you think, at your age, it is right?' + + `In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, + `I feared it might injure the brain; + But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, + Why, I do it again and again.' + + `You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before, + And have grown most uncommonly fat; + Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- + Pray, what is the reason of that?' + + `In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, + `I kept all my limbs very supple + By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- + Allow me to sell you a couple?' + + `You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak + For anything tougher than suet; + Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- + Pray how did you manage to do it?' + + `In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law, + And argued each case with my wife; + And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, + Has lasted the rest of my life.' + + `You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose + That your eye was as steady as ever; + Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- + What made you so awfully clever?' + + `I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' + Said his father; `don't give yourself airs! + Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? + Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!' + + + `That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar. + + `Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; `some of the +words have got altered.' + + `It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar +decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes. + + The Caterpillar was the first to speak. + + `What size do you want to be?' it asked. + + `Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; +`only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.' + + `I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar. + + Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in +her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper. + + `Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar. + + `Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you +wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched +height to be.' + + `It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar +angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three +inches high). + + `But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. +And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so +easily offended!' + + `You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it +put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. + + This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. +In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its +mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got +down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely +remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and +the other side will make you grow shorter.' + + `One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to +herself. + + `Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had +asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight. + + Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a +minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as +it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. +However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they +would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. + + `And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a +little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment +she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her +foot! + + She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but +she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking +rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. +Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was +hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and +managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit. + + + * * * * * * * + + * * * * * * + + * * * * * * * + + `Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of +delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she +found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could +see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which +seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay +far below her. + + `What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. `And where +HAVE my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I +can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, but no +result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the +distant green leaves. + + As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her +head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted +to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, +like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a +graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which +she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she +had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a +hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating +her violently with its wings. + + `Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon. + + `I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. `Let me alone!' + + `Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more +subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every +way, and nothing seems to suit them!' + + `I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said +Alice. + + `I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've +tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but +those serpents! There's no pleasing them!' + + Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no +use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished. + + `As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the +Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and +day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!' + + `I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was +beginning to see its meaning. + + `And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued +the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was +thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come +wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!' + + `But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. `I'm a--I'm +a--' + + `Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. `I can see you're +trying to invent something!' + + `I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she +remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day. + + `A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the +deepest contempt. `I've seen a good many little girls in my +time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a +serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be +telling me next that you never tasted an egg!' + + `I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very +truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as +serpents do, you know.' + + `I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why +then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.' + + This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent +for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of +adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and +what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a +serpent?' + + `It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm +not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't +want YOURS: I don't like them raw.' + + `Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it +settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the +trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled +among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and +untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the +pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very +carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and +growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had +succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. + + It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, +that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a +few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, +there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes +are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to +another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next +thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be +done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an +open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. +`Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come +upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their +wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did +not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself +down to nine inches high. + + + + CHAPTER VI + + Pig and Pepper + + + For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and +wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came +running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman +because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, +she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door +with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, +with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, +Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their +heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and +crept a little way out of the wood to listen. + + The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great +letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to +the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess. An +invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman +repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the +words a little, `From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess +to play croquet.' + + Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled +together. + + Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into +the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped +out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the +ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. + + Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. + + `There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and +that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the +door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise +inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was +a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling +and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish +or kettle had been broken to pieces. + + `Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?' + + `There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went +on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us. For +instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let +you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the time +he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. `But +perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so +VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might +answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud. + + `I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--' + + At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate +came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just +grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees +behind him. + + `--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, +exactly as if nothing had happened. + + `How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone. + + `ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. `That's the +first question, you know.' + + It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. +`It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the +creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!' + + The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for +repeating his remark, with variations. `I shall sit here,' he +said, `on and off, for days and days.' + + `But what am I to do?' said Alice. + + `Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling. + + `Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: +`he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in. + + The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of +smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a +three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was +leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to +be full of soup. + + `There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to +herself, as well as she could for sneezing. + + There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the +Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was +sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The +only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, +and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from +ear to ear. + + `Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for +she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to +speak first, `why your cat grins like that?' + + `It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why. Pig!' + + She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice +quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed +to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on +again:-- + + `I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I +didn't know that cats COULD grin.' + + `They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.' + + `I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, +feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation. + + `You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.' + + Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought +it would be as well to introduce some other subject of +conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took +the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work +throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby +--the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, +plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when +they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it +was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not. + + `Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up +and down in an agony of terror. `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS +nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very +nearly carried it off. + + `If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a +hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it +does.' + + `Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very +glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her +knowledge. `Just think of what work it would make with the day +and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn +round on its axis--' + + `Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!' + + Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant +to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and +seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `Twenty-four +hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I--' + + `Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide +figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again, +singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a +violent shake at the end of every line: + + `Speak roughly to your little boy, + And beat him when he sneezes: + He only does it to annoy, + Because he knows it teases.' + + CHORUS. + + (In which the cook and the baby joined):-- + + `Wow! wow! wow!' + + While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept +tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing +howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:-- + + `I speak severely to my boy, + I beat him when he sneezes; + For he can thoroughly enjoy + The pepper when he pleases!' + + CHORUS. + + `Wow! wow! wow!' + + `Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said +to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. `I must go and +get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of +the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, +but it just missed her. + + Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- +shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all +directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor +little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, +and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, +so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much +as she could do to hold it. + + As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, +(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep +tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its +undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. `IF I +don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure +to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it +behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little thing +grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). `Don't +grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing +yourself.' + + The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into +its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no +doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout +than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for +a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at +all. `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked +into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears. + + No, there were no tears. `If you're going to turn into a pig, +my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do +with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or +grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for +some while in silence. + + Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I +to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted +again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some +alarm. This time there could be NO mistake about it: it was +neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be +quite absurd for her to carry it further. + + So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to +see it trot away quietly into the wood. `If it had grown up,' +she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: +but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began +thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as +pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right +way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing +the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. + + The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- +natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great +many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect. + + `Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at +all know whether it would like the name: however, it only +grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought +Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I +ought to go from here?' + + `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said +the Cat. + + `I don't much care where--' said Alice. + + `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. + + `--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation. + + `Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk +long enough.' + + Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another +question. `What sort of people live about here?' + + `In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, +`lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, +`lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.' + + `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. + + `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. +I'm mad. You're mad.' + + `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. + + `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.' + + Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on +`And how do you know that you're mad?' + + `To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad. You grant +that?' + + `I suppose so,' said Alice. + + `Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's +angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm +pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.' + + `I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice. + + `Call it what you like,' said the Cat. `Do you play croquet +with the Queen to-day?' + + `I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been +invited yet.' + + `You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished. + + Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used +to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place +where it had been, it suddenly appeared again. + + `By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. `I'd +nearly forgotten to ask.' + + `It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had +come back in a natural way. + + `I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again. + + Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it +did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the +direction in which the March Hare was said to live. `I've seen +hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be +much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be +raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said +this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a +branch of a tree. + + `Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat. + + `I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep +appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.' + + `All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, +beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, +which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. + + `Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; +`but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever +saw in my life!' + + She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the +house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, +because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was +thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not +like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand +bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even +then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself +`Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd +gone to see the Hatter instead!' + + + + CHAPTER VII + + A Mad Tea-Party + + + There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, +and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a +Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two +were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking +over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; +`only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.' + + The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded +together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried +out when they saw Alice coming. `There's PLENTY of room!' said +Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one +end of the table. + + `Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. + + Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it +but tea. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked. + + `There isn't any,' said the March Hare. + + `Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice +angrily. + + `It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being +invited,' said the March Hare. + + `I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a +great many more than three.' + + `Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been +looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was +his first speech. + + `You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said +with some severity; `it's very rude.' + + The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all +he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?' + + `Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad +they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she +added aloud. + + `Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' +said the March Hare. + + `Exactly so,' said Alice. + + `Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on. + + `I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what +I say--that's the same thing, you know.' + + `Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just +as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat +what I see"!' + + `You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I +like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!' + + `You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to +be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the +same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!' + + `It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the +conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, +while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and +writing-desks, which wasn't much. + + The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of +the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his +watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking +it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. + + Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.' + + `Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter +wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March +Hare. + + `It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied. + + `Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter +grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.' + + The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then +he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he +could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It +was the BEST butter, you know.' + + Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. +`What a funny watch!' she remarked. `It tells the day of the +month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!' + + `Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell +you what year it is?' + + `Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: `but that's +because it stays the same year for such a long time together.' + + `Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter. + + Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to +have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. +`I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she +could. + + `The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured +a little hot tea upon its nose. + + The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without +opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to +remark myself.' + + `Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to +Alice again. + + `No, I give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?' + + `I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter. + + `Nor I,' said the March Hare. + + Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better +with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that +have no answers.' + + `If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you +wouldn't talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.' + + `I don't know what you mean,' said Alice. + + `Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head +contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!' + + `Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to +beat time when I learn music.' + + `Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand +beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do +almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose +it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: +you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the +clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!' + + (`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a +whisper.) + + `That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: +`but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.' + + `Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep +it to half-past one as long as you liked.' + + `Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked. + + The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied. +`We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' +(pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the +great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing + + "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! + How I wonder what you're at!" + +You know the song, perhaps?' + + `I've heard something like it,' said Alice. + + `It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:-- + + "Up above the world you fly, + Like a tea-tray in the sky. + Twinkle, twinkle--"' + +Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep +`Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that +they had to pinch it to make it stop. + + `Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, +`when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the +time! Off with his head!"' + + `How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice. + + `And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, +`he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.' + + A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so +many tea-things are put out here?' she asked. + + `Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always +tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.' + + `Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice. + + `Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.' + + `But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice +ventured to ask. + + `Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, +yawning. `I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady +tells us a story.' + + `I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at +the proposal. + + `Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up, +Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once. + + The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he +said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows +were saying.' + + `Tell us a story!' said the March Hare. + + `Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice. + + `And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep +again before it's done.' + + `Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the +Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie, +Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--' + + `What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great +interest in questions of eating and drinking. + + `They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a +minute or two. + + `They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently +remarked; `they'd have been ill.' + + `So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.' + + Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways +of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went +on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?' + + `Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very +earnestly. + + `I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so +I can't take more.' + + `You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very +easy to take MORE than nothing.' + + `Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice. + + `Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked +triumphantly. + + Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped +herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the +Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the +bottom of a well?' + + The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and +then said, `It was a treacle-well.' + + `There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but +the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse +sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the +story for yourself.' + + `No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt +again. I dare say there may be ONE.' + + `One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he +consented to go on. `And so these three little sisters--they +were learning to draw, you know--' + + `What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise. + + `Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this +time. + + `I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move +one place on.' + + He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the +March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather +unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the +only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a +good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset +the milk-jug into his plate. + + Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began +very cautiously: `But I don't understand. Where did they draw +the treacle from?' + + `You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so +I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, +stupid?' + + `But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not +choosing to notice this last remark. + + `Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.' + + This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse +go on for some time without interrupting it. + + `They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and +rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew +all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--' + + `Why with an M?' said Alice. + + `Why not?' said the March Hare. + + Alice was silent. + + The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going +off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up +again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an +M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- +you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever +see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?' + + `Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I +don't think--' + + `Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. + + This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got +up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep +instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her +going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that +they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were +trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot. + + `At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she +picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I +ever was at in all my life!' + + Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a +door leading right into it. `That's very curious!' she thought. +`But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' +And in she went. + + Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the +little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' +she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, +and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went +to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it +in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down +the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the +beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. + + + + CHAPTER VIII + + The Queen's Croquet-Ground + + + A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the +roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at +it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious +thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up +to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go +splashing paint over me like that!' + + `I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged +my elbow.' + + On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five! Always +lay the blame on others!' + + `YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only +yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!' + + `What for?' said the one who had spoken first. + + `That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven. + + `Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it +was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.' + + Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all +the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as +she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the +others looked round also, and all of them bowed low. + + `Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are +painting those roses?' + + Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a +low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to +have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; +and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads +cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore +she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been anxiously +looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!' +and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon +their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice +looked round, eager to see the Queen. + + First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped +like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and +feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were +ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the +soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were +ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand +in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next +came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice +recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous +manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without +noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the +King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this +grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. + + Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on +her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember +ever having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides, +what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people +had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?' +So she stood still where she was, and waited. + + When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped +and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?' +She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. + + `Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, +turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?' + + `My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very +politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of +cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!' + + `And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three +gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as +they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs +was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether +they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her +own children. + + `How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. +`It's no business of MINE.' + + The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her +for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head! +Off--' + + `Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the +Queen was silent. + + The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said +`Consider, my dear: she is only a child!' + + The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave +`Turn them over!' + + The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. + + `Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the +three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the +King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else. + + `Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.' +And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you +been doing here?' + + `May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, +going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--' + + `I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the +roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, +three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate +gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection. + + `You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a +large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered +about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly +marched off after the others. + + `Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen. + + `Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers +shouted in reply. + + `That's right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?' + + The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question +was evidently meant for her. + + `Yes!' shouted Alice. + + `Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the +procession, wondering very much what would happen next. + + `It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. +She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously +into her face. + + `Very,' said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?' + + `Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He +looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised +himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and +whispered `She's under sentence of execution.' + + `What for?' said Alice. + + `Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked. + + `No, I didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity. +I said "What for?"' + + `She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a +little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a +frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you! You see, she came +rather late, and the Queen said--' + + `Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, +and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up +against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or +two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a +curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and +furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live +flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to +stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches. + + The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her +flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, +comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, +but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened +out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it +WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a +puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: +and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, +it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled +itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, +there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she +wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers +were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the +ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very +difficult game indeed. + + The players all played at once without waiting for turns, +quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in +a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went +stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with +her head!' about once in a minute. + + Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as +yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might +happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of +me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great +wonder is, that there's any one left alive!' + + She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering +whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a +curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at +first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to +be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I +shall have somebody to talk to.' + + `How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was +mouth enough for it to speak with. + + Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no +use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at +least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, +and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the +game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The +Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and +no more of it appeared. + + `I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather +a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't +hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in +particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and +you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; +for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next +walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have +croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it +saw mine coming!' + + `How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice. + + `Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then +she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so +she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while +finishing the game.' + + The Queen smiled and passed on. + + `Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and +looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity. + + `It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me +to introduce it.' + + `I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: +`however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.' + + `I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked. + + `Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me +like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke. + + `A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in +some book, but I don't remember where.' + + `Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and +he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I +wish you would have this cat removed!' + + The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great +or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking +round. + + `I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and +he hurried off. + + Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game +was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, +screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three +of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and +she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in +such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or +not. So she went in search of her hedgehog. + + The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, +which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one +of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her +flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where +Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up +into a tree. + + By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, +the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: +`but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches +are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away +under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for +a little more conversation with her friend. + + When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to +find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute +going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who +were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, +and looked very uncomfortable. + + The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to +settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, +though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed +to make out exactly what they said. + + The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a +head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had +never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin +at HIS time of life. + + The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be +beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. + + The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about +it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. +(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so +grave and anxious.) + + Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the +Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.' + + `She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch +her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow. + + The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, +by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely +disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down +looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. + + + + CHAPTER IX + + The Mock Turtle's Story + + + `You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old +thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately +into Alice's, and they walked off together. + + Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and +thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had +made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. + + `When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very +hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT +ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that +makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at +having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them +sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar +and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish +people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you +know--' + + She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a +little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. +`You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you +forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that +is, but I shall remember it in a bit.' + + `Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark. + + `Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a +moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up +closer to Alice's side as she spoke. + + Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, +because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was +exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, +and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not +like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could. + + `The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of +keeping up the conversation a little. + + `'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh, +'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"' + + `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody +minding their own business!' + + `Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, +digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, +`and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the +sounds will take care of themselves."' + + `How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to +herself. + + `I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your +waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm +doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the +experiment?' + + `HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all +anxious to have the experiment tried. + + `Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both +bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock +together."' + + `Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked. + + `Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you +have of putting things!' + + `It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice. + + `Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree +to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near +here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the +less there is of yours."' + + `Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this +last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it +is.' + + `I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of +that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put +more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than +what it might appear to others that what you were or might have +been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared +to them to be otherwise."' + + `I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very +politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it +as you say it.' + + `That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess +replied, in a pleased tone. + + `Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' +said Alice. + + `Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you +a present of everything I've said as yet.' + + `A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't +give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to +say it out loud. + + `Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her +sharp little chin. + + `I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was +beginning to feel a little worried. + + `Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; +and the m--' + + But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died +away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the +arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, +and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, +frowning like a thunderstorm. + + `A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak +voice. + + `Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on +the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, +and that in about half no time! Take your choice!' + + The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. + + `Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice +was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her +back to the croquet-ground. + + The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, +and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, +they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a +moment's delay would cost them their lives. + + All the time they were playing the Queen never left off +quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his +head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were +taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave +off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour +or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the +King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of +execution. + + Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to +Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?' + + `No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.' + + `It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen. + + `I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice. + + `Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his +history,' + + As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low +voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come, +THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite +unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered. + + They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the +sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) +`Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to +see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and +see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, +leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like +the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would +be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage +Queen: so she waited. + + The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the +Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!' +said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. + + `What IS the fun?' said Alice. + + `Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they +never executes nobody, you know. Come on!' + + `Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went +slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life, +never!' + + They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the +distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, +as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart +would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she +asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the +same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got +no sorrow, you know. Come on!' + + So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with +large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. + + `This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to +know your history, she do.' + + `I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow +tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've +finished.' + + So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice +thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he +doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently. + + `Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was +a real Turtle.' + + These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only +by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and +the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very +nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your +interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be +more to come, so she sat still and said nothing. + + `When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more +calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to +school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call +him Tortoise--' + + `Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked. + + `We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock +Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!' + + `You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple +question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and +looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At +last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! +Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words: + + `Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe +it--' + + `I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice. + + `You did,' said the Mock Turtle. + + `Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak +again. The Mock Turtle went on. + + `We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school +every day--' + + `I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be +so proud as all that.' + + `With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. + + `Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.' + + `And washing?' said the Mock Turtle. + + `Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly. + + `Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock +Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the +end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."' + + `You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the +bottom of the sea.' + + `I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a +sigh. `I only took the regular course.' + + `What was that?' inquired Alice. + + `Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock +Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- +Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.' + + `I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What is it?' + + The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never +heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify is, +I suppose?' + + `Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--prettier.' + + `Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to +uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.' + + Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about +it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you +to learn?' + + `Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting +off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern, +with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old +conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us +Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.' + + `What was THAT like?' said Alice. + + `Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm +too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.' + + `Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics +master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.' + + `I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `he +taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.' + + `So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; +and both creatures hid their faces in their paws. + + `And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a +hurry to change the subject. + + `Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the +next, and so on.' + + `What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice. + + `That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon +remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.' + + This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a +little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day +must have been a holiday?' + + `Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle. + + `And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly. + + `That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a +very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.' + + + + CHAPTER X + + The Lobster Quadrille + + + The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper +across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for +a minute or two sobs choked his voice. `Same as if he had a bone +in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him +and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered +his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on +again:-- + + `You may not have lived much under the sea--' (`I haven't,' said Alice)-- +`and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--' +(Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, +and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a delightful +thing a Lobster Quadrille is!' + + `No, indeed,' said Alice. `What sort of a dance is it?' + + `Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the sea-shore--' + + `Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. `Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; +then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--' + + `THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon. + + `--you advance twice--' + + `Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon. + + `Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: `advance twice, set to +partners--' + + `--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the +Gryphon. + + `Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--' + + `The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air. + + `--as far out to sea as you can--' + + `Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon. + + `Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, +capering wildly about. + + `Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice. + + `Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the +Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, +who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat +down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice. + + `It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly. + + `Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle. + + `Very much indeed,' said Alice. + + `Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the +Gryphon. `We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall +sing?' + + `Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. `I've forgotten the words.' + + So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now +and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and +waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle +sang this, very slowly and sadly:-- + + +`"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. +"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my + tail. +See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! +They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the +dance? + +Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the +dance? +Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the +dance? + + +"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be +When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to + sea!" +But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look + askance-- +Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the + dance. + Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join + the dance. + Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join + the dance. + +`"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. +"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. +The further off from England the nearer is to France-- +Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. + + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the + dance? + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the + dance?"' + + + + `Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said +Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and I do so +like that curious song about the whiting!' + + `Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've +seen them, of course?' + + `Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she +checked herself hastily. + + `I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but +if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're +like.' + + `I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. `They have their +tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.' + + `You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: +`crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails +in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle +yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all +that,' he said to the Gryphon. + + `The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with +the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So +they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in +their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.' + + `Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting. I never knew +so much about a whiting before.' + + `I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the +Gryphon. `Do you know why it's called a whiting?' + + `I never thought about it,' said Alice. `Why?' + + `IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very +solemnly. + + Alice was thoroughly puzzled. `Does the boots and shoes!' she +repeated in a wondering tone. + + `Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. `I +mean, what makes them so shiny?' + + Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she +gave her answer. `They're done with blacking, I believe.' + + `Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep +voice, `are done with a whiting. Now you know.' + + `And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great +curiosity. + + `Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather +impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.' + + `If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were +still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep +back, please: we don't want YOU with us!"' + + `They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle +said: `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.' + + `Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise. + + `Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: `why, if a fish came +to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With +what porpoise?"' + + `Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice. + + `I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended +tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR +adventures.' + + `I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' +said Alice a little timidly: `but it's no use going back to +yesterday, because I was a different person then.' + + `Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle. + + `No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an +impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.' + + So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when +she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about +it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on +each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she +gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly +quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD, +FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming +different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said +`That's very curious.' + + `It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon. + + `It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated +thoughtfully. `I should like to hear her try and repeat +something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as +if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice. + + `Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said +the Gryphon. + + `How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat +lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.' +However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so +full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was +saying, and the words came very queer indeed:-- + + `'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, + "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." + As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose + Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.' + + [later editions continued as follows + When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, + And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark, + But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, + His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.] + + `That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' +said the Gryphon. + + `Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it +sounds uncommon nonsense.' + + Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her +hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way +again. + + `I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle. + + `She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with +the next verse.' + + `But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How COULD +he turn them out with his nose, you know?' + + `It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was +dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the +subject. + + `Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: +`it begins "I passed by his garden."' + + Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would +all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:-- + + `I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, + How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--' + + [later editions continued as follows + The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, + While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. + When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, + Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: + While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, + And concluded the banquet--] + + `What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle +interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far +the most confusing thing I ever heard!' + + `Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and +Alice was only too glad to do so. + + `Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the +Gryphon went on. `Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you +a song?' + + `Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' +Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather +offended tone, `Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her +"Turtle Soup," will you, old fellow?' + + The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes +choked with sobs, to sing this:-- + + + `Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, + Waiting in a hot tureen! + Who for such dainties would not stoop? + Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! + Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! + Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! + Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! + Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, + Beautiful, beautiful Soup! + + `Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, + Game, or any other dish? + Who would not give all else for two + Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? + Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? + Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! + Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! + Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, + Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!' + + `Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had +just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `The trial's beginning!' +was heard in the distance. + + `Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, +it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song. + + `What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon +only answered `Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more +faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the +melancholy words:-- + + `Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, + Beautiful, beautiful Soup!' + + + + CHAPTER XI + + Who Stole the Tarts? + + + The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when +they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts +of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: +the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on +each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, +with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the +other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large +dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice +quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,' +she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed +to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about +her, to pass away the time. + + Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had +read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that +she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's the +judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.' + + The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown +over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he +did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly +not becoming. + + `And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve +creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because +some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they +are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over +to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and +rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the +meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just +as well. + + The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. +`What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They +can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.' + + `They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in +reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the +trial.' + + `Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but +she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in +the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked +anxiously round, to make out who was talking. + + Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their +shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!' +on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them +didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his +neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in +before the trial's over!' thought Alice. + + One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, +Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got +behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it +away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was +Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of +it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write +with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very +little use, as it left no mark on the slate. + + `Herald, read the accusation!' said the King. + + On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and +then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:-- + + `The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, + All on a summer day: + The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, + And took them quite away!' + + `Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury. + + `Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's +a great deal to come before that!' + + `Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit +blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First +witness!' + + The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in +one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg +pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I +hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.' + + `You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did you +begin?' + + The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into +the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I +think it was,' he said. + + `Fifteenth,' said the March Hare. + + `Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse. + + `Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury +eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then +added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. + + `Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter. + + `It isn't mine,' said the Hatter. + + `Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who +instantly made a memorandum of the fact. + + `I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; +`I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.' + + Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the +Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. + + `Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or +I'll have you executed on the spot.' + + This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept +shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the +Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his +teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. + + Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which +puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was +beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she +would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she +decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for +her. + + `I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was +sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.' + + `I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.' + + `You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse. + + `Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know +you're growing too.' + + `Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: +`not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily +and crossed over to the other side of the court. + + All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the +Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to +one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the +singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter +trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off. + + `Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have +you executed, whether you're nervous or not.' + + `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a +trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week +or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and +the twinkling of the tea--' + + `The twinkling of the what?' said the King. + + `It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied. + + `Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. +`Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!' + + `I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things +twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--' + + `I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. + + `You did!' said the Hatter. + + `I deny it!' said the March Hare. + + `He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.' + + `Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, +looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the +Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. + + `After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread- +and-butter--' + + `But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked. + + `That I can't remember,' said the Hatter. + + `You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you +executed.' + + The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, +and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he +began. + + `You're a very poor speaker,' said the King. + + Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately +suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a +hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had +a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: +into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat +upon it.) + + `I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often +read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some +attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the +officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant +till now.' + + `If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' +continued the King. + + `I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as +it is.' + + `Then you may SIT down,' the King replied. + + Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. + + `Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we +shall get on better.' + + `I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious +look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers. + + `You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the +court, without even waiting to put his shoes on. + + `--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one +of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the +officer could get to the door. + + `Call the next witness!' said the King. + + The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the +pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before +she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began +sneezing all at once. + + `Give your evidence,' said the King. + + `Shan't,' said the cook. + + The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a +low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.' + + `Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy +air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till +his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What +are tarts made of?' + + `Pepper, mostly,' said the cook. + + `Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her. + + `Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that +Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch +him! Off with his whiskers!' + + For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the +Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down +again, the cook had disappeared. + + `Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. +`Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the +Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. +It quite makes my forehead ache!' + + Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, +feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, +`--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. +Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top +of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!' + + + + CHAPTER XII + + Alice's Evidence + + + `Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the +moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she +jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with +the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads +of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding +her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset +the week before. + + `Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great +dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, +for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and +she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once +and put back into the jury-box, or they would die. + + `The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave +voice, `until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-- +ALL,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as +he said do. + + Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she +had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing +was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable +to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that +it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I should think it +would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.' + + As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of +being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and +handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write +out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed +too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, +gazing up into the roof of the court. + + `What do you know about this business?' the King said to +Alice. + + `Nothing,' said Alice. + + `Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King. + + `Nothing whatever,' said Alice. + + `That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. +They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when +the White Rabbit interrupted: `UNimportant, your Majesty means, +of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and +making faces at him as he spoke. + + `UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and +went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant-- +unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word +sounded best. + + Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some +`unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to +look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she +thought to herself. + + At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily +writing in his note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out +from his book, `Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE +HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.' + + Everybody looked at Alice. + + `I'M not a mile high,' said Alice. + + `You are,' said the King. + + `Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen. + + `Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides, +that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.' + + `It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King. + + `Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice. + + The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. +`Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling +voice. + + `There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said +the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has +just been picked up.' + + `What's in it?' said the Queen. + + `I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, `but it seems +to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.' + + `It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was +written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.' + + `Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen. + + `It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact, +there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper +as he spoke, and added `It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set +of verses.' + + `Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of +the jurymen. + + `No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the +queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.) + + `He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. +(The jury all brightened up again.) + + `Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and +they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.' + + `If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the +matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd +have signed your name like an honest man.' + + There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the +first really clever thing the King had said that day. + + `That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen. + + `It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. `Why, you don't +even know what they're about!' + + `Read them,' said the King. + + The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin, +please your Majesty?' he asked. + + `Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on +till you come to the end: then stop.' + + These were the verses the White Rabbit read:-- + + `They told me you had been to her, + And mentioned me to him: + She gave me a good character, + But said I could not swim. + + He sent them word I had not gone + (We know it to be true): + If she should push the matter on, + What would become of you? + + I gave her one, they gave him two, + You gave us three or more; + They all returned from him to you, + Though they were mine before. + + If I or she should chance to be + Involved in this affair, + He trusts to you to set them free, + Exactly as we were. + + My notion was that you had been + (Before she had this fit) + An obstacle that came between + Him, and ourselves, and it. + + Don't let him know she liked them best, + For this must ever be + A secret, kept from all the rest, + Between yourself and me.' + + `That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' +said the King, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--' + + `If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had +grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit +afraid of interrupting him,) `I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't +believe there's an atom of meaning in it.' + + The jury all wrote down on their slates, `SHE doesn't believe +there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to +explain the paper. + + `If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, `that saves a +world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And +yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his +knee, and looking at them with one eye; `I seem to see some +meaning in them, after all. "--SAID I COULD NOT SWIM--" you +can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave. + + The Knave shook his head sadly. `Do I look like it?' he said. +(Which he certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.) + + `All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering +over the verses to himself: `"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's +the jury, of course-- "I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, +that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--' + + `But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said +Alice. + + `Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to +the tarts on the table. `Nothing can be clearer than THAT. +Then again--"BEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my +dear, I think?' he said to the Queen. + + `Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the +Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off +writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no +mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was +trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.) + + `Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round +the court with a smile. There was a dead silence. + + `It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and +everybody laughed, `Let the jury consider their verdict,' the +King said, for about the twentieth time that day. + + `No, no!' said the Queen. `Sentence first--verdict afterwards.' + + `Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. `The idea of having +the sentence first!' + + `Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple. + + `I won't!' said Alice. + + `Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. +Nobody moved. + + `Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full +size by this time.) `You're nothing but a pack of cards!' + + At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying +down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half +of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on +the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently +brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the +trees upon her face. + + `Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; `Why, what a long +sleep you've had!' + + `Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told +her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange +Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and +when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It WAS a +curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's +getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she +ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been. + + But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her +head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of +little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began +dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:-- + + First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the +tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes +were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her +voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back +the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes--and +still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place +around her became alive the strange creatures of her little +sister's dream. + + The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried +by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the +neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as +the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, +and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate +guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the +Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once +more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's +slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, +filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable +Mock Turtle. + + So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in +Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and +all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only +rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the +reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep- +bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd +boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and +all the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the +confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the +cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's +heavy sobs. + + Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of +hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how +she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and +loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about +her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager +with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of +Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their +simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, +remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. + + THE END diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/beatles.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/beatles.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..50ab705 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/beatles.txt @@ -0,0 +1,340 @@ +[Roll up! Roll up for the magical mystery tour! +Step right this way!] + +Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (And that's an invitation), roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (To make a reservation), roll up for the mystery tour +The magical mystery tour is waiting to take you away +Waiting to take you away + +Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (We've got everything you need), roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (Satisfaction guaranteed), roll up for the mystery tour +The magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away +Hoping to take you away + +Mystery trip + +Aaaah... the magical mystery tour +Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (And that's an invitation), roll up for the mystery tour +Roll up (To make a reservation), roll up for the mystery tour +The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away +Coming to take you away +The magical mystery tour is dying to take you away +Dying to take you away, take you today + +Day after day, alone on the hill +The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still +But nobody wants to know him +They can see that he's just a fool +As he never gives an answer +But the fool on the hill +Sees the sun going down +And the eyes in his head +See the world spinning around + +Well on the way, head in a cloud +The man of a thousand voices talking percetly loud +But nobody ever hears him +Or the sound he appears to make +And he never seems to notice +But the fool on the hill +Sees the sun going down +And the eyes in his head +See the world spinning around + +And nobody seems to like him +They can tell what he wants to do +And he never shows his feelings +But the fool on the hill +Sees the sun going down +And the eyes in his head +See the world spinning around + +He never listen to them +He knows that they're the fools +They don't like him +The fool on the hill +Sees the sun going down +And the eyes in his head +See the world spinning around + +I am he as you are he as you are me +And we are all together +See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly +I'm crying + +Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come +Corporation teeshirt, stupid bloody Tuesday +Man you been a naughty boy. You let your face grow long +I am the eggman, they are the eggmen +I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob + +Mister City Policeman sitting, pretty little policemen in a row +See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run +I'm crying, I'm crying +I'm crying, I'm crying + +Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye +Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess +Boy you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down +I am the eggman, they are the eggmen +I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob + +Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun +If the sun don't come +You get a tan from standing in the English rain +I am the eggman, they are the eggmen +I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob goo goo goo goo joob + +Expert textpert choking smokers +Don't you think the joker laughs at you? (Ha ha ha! He he he! Ha ha ha!) +See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snied +I'm crying + +Semolina pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower +Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna +Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Alan Poe +I am the eggman, they are the eggmen +I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob goo goo goo joob +Goo goo goo joob goo goo goo joob +Goo gooooooooooo jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba +Jooba jooba +Jooba jooba +Jooba jooba + +Let me take you down, cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields +Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about +Strawberry Fields forever + +Living is easy with eyes closed +Misunderstanding all you see +It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out +It doesn't matter much to me +Let me take you down, cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields +Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about +Strawberry Fields forever + +No one I think is in my tree +I mean it must be high or low +That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right +That is I think it's not too bad +Let me take you down, cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields +Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about +Strawberry Fields forever + +Always, no sometimes, think it's me +But you know I know when it's a dream +I think I know I mean a "Yes" but it's all wrong +That is I think I disagree +Let me take you down, cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields +Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about +Strawberry Fields forever +Strawberry Fields forever +Strawberry Fields forever + +You say yes, I say no +You say stop and I say go go go, oh no +You say goodbye and I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello + +I say high, you say low +You say why and I say I don't know, oh no +You say goodbye and I say hello +(Hello goodbye hello goodbye) Hello hello +(Hello goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello +(Hello goodbye hello goodbye) Hello hello +(Hello goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye +(Hello goodbye) I say hello/goodbye + +Why why why why why why do you say goodbye goodbye, oh no? + +You say goodbye and I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello + +You say yes (I say yes) I say no (But I may mean no) +You say stop (I can stay) and I say go go go (Till it's time to go), oh +Oh no +You say goodbye and I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello +Hello hello +I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello hello + +Hela heba helloa +Hela heba helloa, cha cha cha +Hela heba helloa, wooo +Hela heba helloa, hela +Hela heba helloa, cha cha cha +Hela heba helloa, wooo +Hela heba helloa, cha cah cah + +Blackbird singing in the dead of night +Take these broken wings and learn to fly +All your life +You were only waiting for this moment to arise. + +Blackbird singing in the dead of night +Take these sunken eyes and learn to see +All your life +You were only waiting for this moment to be free. + +Blackbird fly Blackbird fly +Into the light of the dark black night. + +Blackbird fly Blackbird fly +Into the light of the dark black night. + +Blackbird singing in the dead of night +Take these broken wings and learn to fly +All your life +You were only waiting for this moment to arise +You were only waiting for this moment to arise +You were only waiting for this moment to arise. + +In the town where I was born +Lived a man who sailed to sea +And he told us of his life +In the land of submarines + +So we sailed up to the sun +Till we found the sea of green +And we lived beneath the waves +In our yellow submarine + +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine + +And our friends are all on board +Many more of them live next door +And the band begins to play + +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine + +[Full speed ahead, Mr. Parker, full speed ahead! +Full speed over here, sir! +Action station! Action station! +Aye, aye, sir, fire! +Heaven! Heaven!] + +As we live a life of ease (A life of ease) +Everyone of us (Everyone of us) has all we need (Has all we need) +Sky of blue (Sky of blue) and sea of green (Sea of green) +In our yellow (In our yellow) submarine (Submarine, ha, ha) + +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine +We all live in a yellow submarine +Yellow submarine, yellow submarine + +When I find myself in times of trouble +Mother Mary comes to me +Speaking words of wisdom, let it be +And in my hour of darkness +She is standing right in front of me +Speaking words of wisdom, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Whisper words of wisdom, let it be + +And when the broken hearted people +Living in the world agree +There will be an answer, let it be +For though they may be parted +There is still a chance that they will see +There will be an answer, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Yeah there will be an answer, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Whisper words of wisdom, let it be + +Let it be, let it be +Ah let it be, yeah let it be +Whisper words of wisdom, let it be +And when the night is cloudy +There is still a light that shines on me +Shine on until tomorrow, let it be +I wake up to the sound of music, +Mother Mary comes to me +Speaking words of wisdom, let it be +Yeah let it be, let it be +Let it be, yeah let it be +Oh there will be an answer, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Let it be, yeah let it be +Oh there will be an answer, let it be +Let it be, let it be +Ah let it be, yeah let it be +Whisper words of wisdom, let it be + +Hey Jude, don't make it bad +Take a sad song and make it better +Remember to let her into your heart +Then you can start to make it better + +Hey Jude, don't be afraid +You were made to go out and get her +The minute you let her under your skin +Then you begin to make it better + +And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain +Don't carry the world upon your shoulders +For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool +By making his world a little colder +Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah + +Hey Jude, don't let me down +You have found her, now go and get her +Remember to let her into your heart +Then you can start to make it better + +So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin +You're waiting for someone to perform with +And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do +The movement you need is on your shoulder +Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah + +Hey Jude, don't make it bad +Take a sad song and make it better +Remember to let her under your skin +Then you'll begin to make it +Better better better better better better, oh + +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude +Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c193a4 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier.txt @@ -0,0 +1,447 @@ +My lover's got humour +She's the giggle at a funeral +Knows everybody's disapproval +I should've worshipped her sooner +If the heavens ever did speak +She's the last true mouthpiece +Every Sunday's getting more bleak +A fresh poison each week"We were born sick" +You heard them say it +My church offers no absolutes +She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom" +The only heaven I'll be sent to +Is when I'm alone with you +I was born sick, but I love it +Command me to be well +A-amen, amen, amen +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife +Offer me that deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife +Offer me that deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life +If I'm a pagan of the good times +My lover's the sunlight +To keep the Goddess on my side +She demands a sacrifice +Drain the whole sea +Get something shiny +Something meaty for the main course +That's a fine-looking high horse +What you got in the stable? +We've a lot of starving faithful +That looks tasty +That looks plenty +This is hungry work +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, so you can sharpen your knife +Offer me my deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, so you can sharpen your knife +Offer me my deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life +No masters or kings when the ritual begins +There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin +In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene +Only then I am human +Only then I am clean +Oh, oh, amen, amen, amen +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife +Offer me that deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life +Take me to church +I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies +I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife +Offer me that deathless death +Good God, let me give you my life + + + +Babe +There's something tragic about you +Something so magic about you +Don't you agreeBabe +There's something lonesome about you +Something so wholesome about you +Get closer to me.. +No tired sigh, no rolling eyes +No irony +No 'who cares', no vacant stare +No time for me +Honey you're familiar +Like my mirror years ago +Idealism sits in prison +Chivalry fell on his sword +Innocence died screaming +Honey, ask me, I should know +I slithered here from Eden +Just to sit outside your doorBabe +There's something wretched about this +Something so precious about this +Where to beginBabe +there's something broken about this +But I might be hoping about this +Oh what a sin +To the strand, a picnic planned for you and me +A rope in hand, for your other man +To hang from a treeHoney you're familiar +Like my mirror years ago +Idealism sits in prison +Chivalry fell on his sword +Innocence died screaming +Honey, ask me, I should know +I slithered here from Eden +Just to sit outside your door +Honey, you're familiar +Like my mirror years ago +Idealism sits in prison +Chilvary fell on his sword +Innocence died screaming +Honey, ask me, I should know +I slithered here from Eden +Just to hide outside your door + + +Boys workin on empty +Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? +I just think about my baby +I'm so full of love I could barely eat +There's nothing sweeter than my baby +I never want once from the cherry tree +Cause my baby's sweet as can be +She give me toothaches just from kissin me +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her +That's when my baby found me +I was three days on a drunken sin +I woke with her walls around me +Nothin in her room but an empty crib +And I was burnin up a fever +I didn't care much how long I lived +But I swear I thought I dreamed her +She never asked me once about the wrong I did +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her +My baby never fret none +About what my hands and my body done +If the Lord don't forgive me +I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me +When I was kissing on my baby +And she put her love down soft and sweet +In the low lamp light I was free +Heaven and hell were words to me +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her + + +When I was a child, I heard voices... +Some would sing and some would scream +You soon find you have few choices... +I learned the voices died with me +When I was a child I'd sit for hours +Staring into open flame +Something in it had a power +Could barely tear my eyes away +All you have is your fire... +And the place you need to reach +Don't you ever, tame your demon +But always keep 'em on a leash +When I was 16 my senses fooled me +Thought gasoline was on my clothes +I knew that something would always rule me... +I knew the scent was mine alone +All you have is your fire +And the place you need to reach +Don't you ever, tame your demon - +But always keep 'em on a leash +When I was a man I thought it ended +When I knew loves perfect ache +But my peace has always depended +On all the ashes in my way +All you have is your fire +And the place you need to reach +Don't you ever, tame your demons +But always keep 'em on a leash... + + +Her eyes and words are so icy +Oh but she burns like rum on the fire +Hot and fast and angry as she can be +I walk my days on a wireit looks ugly, but it's clean +Oh momma, don't fuss over me +The way she tells me l'm hers and she is mine +Open hand or close fist would be fine +The blood is red and sweet as cherry wine +Calls of guilty thrown at me +All while she stains +The sheets of some other +Thrown at me so powerfully +Just like she throws with the arm of her brother +But I want it, it's a crime +That she's not around most of the time +The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine +Open hand or closed fist would be fine +The blood is red and sweet as cherry wine +Her fight and fury is fiery +Oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing +Sweet and right and merciful +I'm all but washed in the tide of her breathing +And it's worth it, it's divine +And I have this some of the time +The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine +Open hand or closed fist would be fine +The blood is red and sweet as cherry wine + + +So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes +No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight +So deep in this swill with the most familiar of swine +For reasons wretched and divine +She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild +Laughing away through my feeble disguise +No other version of me I would rather be tonight. +And, Lord, she found me just in time +'Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done +I need to be youthfully felt 'cause, God, I never felt young +She's gonna save me, +Call me "baby" +Run her hands through my hair +She'll know me crazy +Soothe me daily +Better yet she wouldn't care +We'll steal her Lexus, +Be detectives, +Ride 'round picking up clues +We'll name our children +Jackie and Wilson +Raise 'em on rhythm and blues +Lord, it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime +Me and my Isis growing black irises in the sunshine +Every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside +Sit back and watch the world go by. +Happy to lie back watch it burn and rust +We tried the world, good God, it wasn't for us. +She's gonna save me, +Call me "baby" +Run her hands through my hair +She'll know me crazy, +Soothe me daily +Better yet she wouldn't care +We'll steal her Lexus, +Be detectives, +Ride 'round picking up clues +We'll name our children +Jackie and Wilson, +Raise 'em on rhythm and blues +Cut clean from the dream at night let my mind reset +Looking up from a cigarette, and she's already left +I start digging up the yard for what's left of me and our little vignette +For whatever poor soul is coming next +She's gonna save me, +Call me "baby" +Run her hands through my hair +She'll know me crazy, +Soothe me daily +Better yet she wouldn't care +We'll steal her Lexus, +Be detectives, +Ride 'round picking up clues +We'll name our children +Jackie and Wilson +Raise 'em on rhythm and blues + + + +I have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me +I have never known hunger like these insects that feast on me +A thousand teeth and yours among them, I know +Our hungers appeased, our heart beats becoming slow +We'll lay here for years or for hours +Thrown here or found, to freeze or to thaw +So long, we'd become the flowers +Two corpses we were, two corpses I saw +And they'd find us in a week +When the weather gets hot +After the insects have made their claim +I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you +I have never known sleep like this slumber that creeps to me +I have never known colors like this morning reveals to me +And you haven't moved an inch such that I would not know +If you sleep always like this, flesh calmly going cold +We'll lay here for years or for hours +Your hand in my hand, so still and discreet +So long, we'd become the flowers +We'd feed well the land and worry the sheep +And they'd find us in a week +When the cattle'd show fear +After the insects have made their claim +After the foxes have known our taste +I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you +And they'd find us in a week +When the weather gets hot +And they'd find us in a week +When the cattle'd show fear +And they'd find us in a week +When the buzzards get loud +After the insects have made their claim +After the foxes have known our taste +After the raven has had his say +I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you +I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you +I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you + + +Don't take this the wrong way +You knew who I was every step that I ran to you +Only blue or black days +Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose. +Would things be easier if there was a right way +Honey there is no right way. +And so I fall in love just a little ol' little bit +Every day with someone new +I fall in love just a little ol' little bit every day with someone new +There's an art to life's distractions +Somehow escapes the burning weight the art of scraping through +Some like to imagine +The dark thrills of someone else I guess any thrill will do. +Would things be easier if there was a right way +Honey there is no right way. +And so I fall in love just a little ol' little bit +Every day with someone new +I fall in love just a little ol' little bit every day with someone new +I wake at the first crink of morning +And my heart's already sinned. +How pure, how sweet a love, Aretha, that you would pray for him? +'Cause God knows I fall in love just a little ol' little bit +Every day with someone new +I fall in love just a little ol' little bit every day with someone new +I fall in love just a little ol' little bit every day. +Love with every stranger the stranger the better +I fall in love just a little ol' little bit every day with someone new + + +I had a thought, dear +However scary +About that night +The bugs and the dirt +Why were you digging? +What did you bury +Before those hands pulled me +From the earth? +I will not ask you where you came from +I will not ask and neither should you +Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips +We should just kiss like real people do +I knew that look dear +Eyes always seeking +Was there in someone +That dug long ago +So I will not ask you +Why you were creeping +In some sad way I already know +So I will not ask you where you came from +I would not ask and neither would you +Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips +We should just kiss like real people do + + +Never feel too good in crowds +With folks around when they're playing +The anthems of rape, culture loud +Crude and proud creatures baying +All I've ever done is hide +From our times when you're near me +Honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes +I feel like a person for a moment of my life +But you don't know what hell you put me through +To have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you +To feel your weight in arms I'd never use +It's the god that heroin prays to +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +To be alone with you +There are questions I can't ask +Now at last the worst is over +See the way you hold yourself +Reel against your body's borders +And I know that you hate this place +Not a trace of me would argue +Honey, we should run away, oh, someday +Our baby and her momma +And the damaged love she makes +But I don't know what else that I would do +Than try to kiss the skin that crawls from you +Than feel your weight in arms I'd never use +It's the god that heroin prays to +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +To be alone with you +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +It feels good, girl, it feels good +To be alone with you + + +Just a little rush, babe +To feel dizzy, to derail the mind of me +Just a little hush, babe +Our veins are busy but my heart's in atrophy +Any way to distract and sedate +Adding shadows to the walls of the cave +You and I nursing on a poison that never stung +Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it +Some whiff of this, death and guts +We are deaf, we are numb +Free and young and we can feel none of it +Something isn't right, babe +I keep catching little words but the meaning's thin +I'm somewhere outside my life, babe +I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in +So we're slaves to any semblance of touch +Lord we should quit but we love it too much +Sedated we're nursing on a poison that never stung +Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it +Some whiff of this, death and guts +We are deaf, we are numb +Free and young and we can feel none of it +Darlin', don't you, stand there watching, won't you +Come and save me from it +Darlin', don't you, join in, you're supposed to +Drag me away from it +Any way to distract and sedate +Adding shadows to the walls of the cave +You and I nursing on a poison that never stung +Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it +Some whiff of this, death and guts +We are deaf, we are numb +Free and young and we can feel none of it +Sedated we're nursing on a poison that never stung +Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it +Some whiff of this, death and guts +We are deaf, we are numb +Free and young and we can feel none of it diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier_stanzas.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier_stanzas.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4d492e9 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/hozier_stanzas.txt @@ -0,0 +1,70 @@ +Title: Take Me To Church + +My lover's got humour +She's the giggle at a funeral +Knows everybody's disapproval +I should've worshipped her sooner + +If the heavens ever did speak +She's the last true mouthpiece +Every Sunday's getting more bleak +A fresh poison each week + +"We were born sick" +You heard them say it + +My church offers no absolutes +She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom" +The only heaven I'll be sent to +Is when I'm alone with you + + +Title: From Eden + +Babe +There's something tragic about you +Something so magic about you +Don't you agree + +Babe +There's something lonesome about you +Something so wholesome about you +Get closer to me.. + +No tired sigh, no rolling eyes +No irony +No 'who cares', no vacant stare +No time for me + +Honey you're familiar +Like my mirror years ago +Idealism sits in prison +Chivalry fell on his sword +Innocence died screaming + + +Title: Work Song + +Boys workin on empty +Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? +I just think about my baby +I'm so full of love I could barely eat +There's nothing sweeter than my baby +I never want once from the cherry tree +Cause my baby's sweet as can be +She give me toothaches just from kissin me + +When, my, time comes around +Lay me gently in the cold dark earth +No grave can hold my body down +I'll crawl home to her + +That's when my baby found me +I was three days on a drunken sin +I woke with her walls around me +Nothin in her room but an empty crib +And I was burnin up a fever +I didn't care much how long I lived +But I swear I thought I dreamed her +She never asked me once about the wrong I did + diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..df1a250 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/sample_text_raw.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +Far far away, behind the word mountains, far from the countries Vokalia and Consonantia, there live the blind texts. +Separated they live in Bookmarksgrove right at the coast of the Semantics, a large language ocean. +A small river named Duden flows by their place and supplies it with the necessary regelialia. +It is a paradisematic country, in which roasted parts of sentences fly into your mouth. +Even the all powerful Pointing has no control about the blind texts it is an almost unorthographic life One day however a small line of blind text by the name of Lorem Ipsum decided to leave for the far World of Grammar. +The Big Oxmox advised her not to do so, because there were thousands of bad Commas, wild Question Marks and devious Semikoli, but the Little Blind Text didn't listen. She packed her seven versalia, put her initial into the belt and made herself on the way. +When she reached the first hills of the Italic Mountains, she had a last view back on the skyline of her hometown Bookmarksgrove, the headline of Alphabet Village and the subline of her own road, the Line Lane. +Pityful a rethoric question ran over her cheek, then she continued her way. On her way she met a copy. The copy warned the Little Blind Text, that where it came from it would have been rewritten a thousand times and everything that was left from its origin would be the word "and" and the Little Blind Text should turn around and return to its own, safe country. +But nothing the copy said could convince her and so it didn't take long until a few insidious Copy Writers ambushed her, made her drunk with Longe and Parole and dragged her into their agency, where they abused her for their projects again and again. And if she hasn't been rewritten, then they are still using her. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/shakespeare.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/shakespeare.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..307501b --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/shakespeare.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2602 @@ +A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM + +by William Shakespeare + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + THESEUS, Duke of Athens + EGEUS, father to Hermia + LYSANDER, in love with Hermia + DEMETRIUS, in love with Hermia + PHILOSTRATE, Master of the Revels to Theseus + QUINCE, a carpenter + SNUG, a joiner + BOTTOM, a weaver + FLUTE, a bellows-mender + SNOUT, a tinker + STARVELING, a tailor + + HIPPOLYTA, Queen of the Amazons, bethrothed to Theseus + HERMIA, daughter to Egeus, in love with Lysander + HELENA, in love with Demetrius + + OBERON, King of the Fairies + TITANIA, Queen of the Fairies + PUCK, or ROBIN GOODFELLOW + PEASEBLOSSOM, fairy + COBWEB, fairy + MOTH, fairy + MUSTARDSEED, fairy + + PROLOGUE, PYRAMUS, THISBY, WALL, MOONSHINE, LION are presented +by: + QUINCE, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, STARVELING, AND SNUG + + Other Fairies attending their King and Queen + Attendants on Theseus and Hippolyta + + + + +<> + + + +SCENE: +Athens and a wood near it + + +ACT I. SCENE I. +Athens. The palace of THESEUS + +Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, and ATTENDANTS + + THESEUS. Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour + Draws on apace; four happy days bring in + Another moon; but, O, methinks, how slow + This old moon wanes! She lingers my desires, + Like to a step-dame or a dowager, + Long withering out a young man's revenue. + HIPPOLYTA. Four days will quickly steep themselves in night; + Four nights will quickly dream away the time; + And then the moon, like to a silver bow + New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night + Of our solemnities. + THESEUS. Go, Philostrate, + Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments; + Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth; + Turn melancholy forth to funerals; + The pale companion is not for our pomp. Exit PHILOSTRATE + Hippolyta, I woo'd thee with my sword, + And won thy love doing thee injuries; + But I will wed thee in another key, + With pomp, with triumph, and with revelling. + + Enter EGEUS, and his daughter HERMIA, LYSANDER, + and DEMETRIUS + + EGEUS. Happy be Theseus, our renowned Duke! + THESEUS. Thanks, good Egeus; what's the news with thee? + EGEUS. Full of vexation come I, with complaint + Against my child, my daughter Hermia. + Stand forth, Demetrius. My noble lord, + This man hath my consent to marry her. + Stand forth, Lysander. And, my gracious Duke, + This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child. + Thou, thou, Lysander, thou hast given her rhymes, + And interchang'd love-tokens with my child; + Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung, + With feigning voice, verses of feigning love, + And stol'n the impression of her fantasy + With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gawds, conceits, + Knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeats- messengers + Of strong prevailment in unhardened youth; + With cunning hast thou filch'd my daughter's heart; + Turn'd her obedience, which is due to me, + To stubborn harshness. And, my gracious Duke, + Be it so she will not here before your Grace + Consent to marry with Demetrius, + I beg the ancient privilege of Athens: + As she is mine I may dispose of her; + Which shall be either to this gentleman + Or to her death, according to our law + Immediately provided in that case. + THESEUS. What say you, Hermia? Be advis'd, fair maid. + To you your father should be as a god; + One that compos'd your beauties; yea, and one + To whom you are but as a form in wax, + By him imprinted, and within his power + To leave the figure, or disfigure it. + Demetrius is a worthy gentleman. + HERMIA. So is Lysander. + THESEUS. In himself he is; + But, in this kind, wanting your father's voice, + The other must be held the worthier. + HERMIA. I would my father look'd but with my eyes. + THESEUS. Rather your eyes must with his judgment look. + HERMIA. I do entreat your Grace to pardon me. + I know not by what power I am made bold, + Nor how it may concern my modesty + In such a presence here to plead my thoughts; + But I beseech your Grace that I may know + The worst that may befall me in this case, + If I refuse to wed Demetrius. + THESEUS. Either to die the death, or to abjure + For ever the society of men. + Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires, + Know of your youth, examine well your blood, + Whether, if you yield not to your father's choice, + You can endure the livery of a nun, + For aye to be shady cloister mew'd, + To live a barren sister all your life, + Chanting faint hymns to the cold fruitless moon. + Thrice-blessed they that master so their blood + To undergo such maiden pilgrimage; + But earthlier happy is the rose distill'd + Than that which withering on the virgin thorn + Grows, lives, and dies, in single blessedness. + HERMIA. So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord, + Ere I will yield my virgin patent up + Unto his lordship, whose unwished yoke + My soul consents not to give sovereignty. + THESEUS. Take time to pause; and by the next new moon- + The sealing-day betwixt my love and me + For everlasting bond of fellowship- + Upon that day either prepare to die + For disobedience to your father's will, + Or else to wed Demetrius, as he would, + Or on Diana's altar to protest + For aye austerity and single life. + DEMETRIUS. Relent, sweet Hermia; and, Lysander, yield + Thy crazed title to my certain right. + LYSANDER. You have her father's love, Demetrius; + Let me have Hermia's; do you marry him. + EGEUS. Scornful Lysander, true, he hath my love; + And what is mine my love shall render him; + And she is mine; and all my right of her + I do estate unto Demetrius. + LYSANDER. I am, my lord, as well deriv'd as he, + As well possess'd; my love is more than his; + My fortunes every way as fairly rank'd, + If not with vantage, as Demetrius'; + And, which is more than all these boasts can be, + I am belov'd of beauteous Hermia. + Why should not I then prosecute my right? + Demetrius, I'll avouch it to his head, + Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena, + And won her soul; and she, sweet lady, dotes, + Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry, + Upon this spotted and inconstant man. + THESEUS. I must confess that I have heard so much, + And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof; + But, being over-full of self-affairs, + My mind did lose it. But, Demetrius, come; + And come, Egeus; you shall go with me; + I have some private schooling for you both. + For you, fair Hermia, look you arm yourself + To fit your fancies to your father's will, + Or else the law of Athens yields you up- + Which by no means we may extenuate- + To death, or to a vow of single life. + Come, my Hippolyta; what cheer, my love? + Demetrius, and Egeus, go along; + I must employ you in some business + Against our nuptial, and confer with you + Of something nearly that concerns yourselves. + EGEUS. With duty and desire we follow you. + Exeunt all but LYSANDER and HERMIA + LYSANDER. How now, my love! Why is your cheek so pale? + How chance the roses there do fade so fast? + HERMIA. Belike for want of rain, which I could well + Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes. + LYSANDER. Ay me! for aught that I could ever read, + Could ever hear by tale or history, + The course of true love never did run smooth; + But either it was different in blood- + HERMIA. O cross! too high to be enthrall'd to low. + LYSANDER. Or else misgraffed in respect of years- + HERMIA. O spite! too old to be engag'd to young. + LYSANDER. Or else it stood upon the choice of friends- + HERMIA. O hell! to choose love by another's eyes. + LYSANDER. Or, if there were a sympathy in choice, + War, death, or sickness, did lay siege to it, + Making it momentary as a sound, + Swift as a shadow, short as any dream, + Brief as the lightning in the collied night + That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth, + And ere a man hath power to say 'Behold!' + The jaws of darkness do devour it up; + So quick bright things come to confusion. + HERMIA. If then true lovers have ever cross'd, + It stands as an edict in destiny. + Then let us teach our trial patience, + Because it is a customary cross, + As due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs, + Wishes and tears, poor Fancy's followers. + LYSANDER. A good persuasion; therefore, hear me, Hermia. + I have a widow aunt, a dowager + Of great revenue, and she hath no child- + From Athens is her house remote seven leagues- + And she respects me as her only son. + There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee; + And to that place the sharp Athenian law + Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then, + Steal forth thy father's house to-morrow night; + And in the wood, a league without the town, + Where I did meet thee once with Helena + To do observance to a morn of May, + There will I stay for thee. + HERMIA. My good Lysander! + I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow, + By his best arrow, with the golden head, + By the simplicity of Venus' doves, + By that which knitteth souls and prospers loves, + And by that fire which burn'd the Carthage Queen, + When the false Troyan under sail was seen, + By all the vows that ever men have broke, + In number more than ever women spoke, + In that same place thou hast appointed me, + To-morrow truly will I meet with thee. + LYSANDER. Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Helena. + + Enter HELENA + + HERMIA. God speed fair Helena! Whither away? + HELENA. Call you me fair? That fair again unsay. + Demetrius loves your fair. O happy fair! + Your eyes are lode-stars and your tongue's sweet air + More tuneable than lark to shepherd's ear, + When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear. + Sickness is catching; O, were favour so, + Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go! + My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye, + My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody. + Were the world mine, Demetrius being bated, + The rest I'd give to be to you translated. + O, teach me how you look, and with what art + You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart! + HERMIA. I frown upon him, yet he loves me still. + HELENA. O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill! + HERMIA. I give him curses, yet he gives me love. + HELENA. O that my prayers could such affection move! + HERMIA. The more I hate, the more he follows me. + HELENA. The more I love, the more he hateth me. + HERMIA. His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine. + HELENA. None, but your beauty; would that fault were mine! + HERMIA. Take comfort: he no more shall see my face; + Lysander and myself will fly this place. + Before the time I did Lysander see, + Seem'd Athens as a paradise to me. + O, then, what graces in my love do dwell, + That he hath turn'd a heaven unto a hell! + LYSANDER. Helen, to you our minds we will unfold: + To-morrow night, when Phoebe doth behold + Her silver visage in the wat'ry glass, + Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass, + A time that lovers' flights doth still conceal, + Through Athens' gates have we devis'd to steal. + HERMIA. And in the wood where often you and I + Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie, + Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet, + There my Lysander and myself shall meet; + And thence from Athens turn away our eyes, + To seek new friends and stranger companies. + Farewell, sweet playfellow; pray thou for us, + And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius! + Keep word, Lysander; we must starve our sight + From lovers' food till morrow deep midnight. + LYSANDER. I will, my Hermia. [Exit HERMIA] Helena, adieu; + As you on him, Demetrius dote on you. Exit + HELENA. How happy some o'er other some can be! + Through Athens I am thought as fair as she. + But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so; + He will not know what all but he do know. + And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes, + So I, admiring of his qualities. + Things base and vile, holding no quantity, + Love can transpose to form and dignity. + Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; + And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. + Nor hath Love's mind of any judgment taste; + Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste; + And therefore is Love said to be a child, + Because in choice he is so oft beguil'd. + As waggish boys in game themselves forswear, + So the boy Love is perjur'd everywhere; + For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyne, + He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine; + And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt, + So he dissolv'd, and show'rs of oaths did melt. + I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight; + Then to the wood will he to-morrow night + Pursue her; and for this intelligence + If I have thanks, it is a dear expense. + But herein mean I to enrich my pain, + To have his sight thither and back again. Exit + + + + +SCENE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S house + +Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING + + QUINCE. Is all our company here? + BOTTOM. You were best to call them generally, man by man, +according + to the scrip. + QUINCE. Here is the scroll of every man's name which is thought + fit, through all Athens, to play in our interlude before the +Duke + and the Duchess on his wedding-day at night. + BOTTOM. First, good Peter Quince, say what the play treats on; +then + read the names of the actors; and so grow to a point. + QUINCE. Marry, our play is 'The most Lamentable Comedy and most + Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisby.' + BOTTOM. A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. +Now, + good Peter Quince, call forth your actors by the scroll. +Masters, + spread yourselves. + QUINCE. Answer, as I call you. Nick Bottom, the weaver. + BOTTOM. Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed. + QUINCE. You, Nick Bottom, are set down for Pyramus. + BOTTOM. What is Pyramus? A lover, or a tyrant? + QUINCE. A lover, that kills himself most gallant for love. + BOTTOM. That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. +If I + do it, let the audience look to their eyes; I will move +storms; I + will condole in some measure. To the rest- yet my chief +humour is + for a tyrant. I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to tear a +cat + in, to make all split. + + 'The raging rocks + And shivering shocks + Shall break the locks + Of prison gates; + + And Phibbus' car + Shall shine from far, + And make and mar + The foolish Fates.' + + This was lofty. Now name the rest of the players. This is + Ercles' vein, a tyrant's vein: a lover is more condoling. + QUINCE. Francis Flute, the bellows-mender. + FLUTE. Here, Peter Quince. + QUINCE. Flute, you must take Thisby on you. + FLUTE. What is Thisby? A wand'ring knight? + QUINCE. It is the lady that Pyramus must love. + FLUTE. Nay, faith, let not me play a woman; I have a beard +coming. + QUINCE. That's all one; you shall play it in a mask, and you +may + speak as small as you will. + BOTTOM. An I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too. + I'll speak in a monstrous little voice: 'Thisne, Thisne!' + [Then speaking small] 'Ah Pyramus, my lover dear! Thy + Thisby dear, and lady dear!' + QUINCE. No, no, you must play Pyramus; and, Flute, you Thisby. + BOTTOM. Well, proceed. + QUINCE. Robin Starveling, the tailor. + STARVELING. Here, Peter Quince. + QUINCE. Robin Starveling, you must play Thisby's mother. + Tom Snout, the tinker. + SNOUT. Here, Peter Quince. + QUINCE. You, Pyramus' father; myself, Thisby's father; Snug, +the + joiner, you, the lion's part. And, I hope, here is a play +fitted. + SNUG. Have you the lion's part written? Pray you, if it be, +give it + me, for I am slow of study. + QUINCE. You may do it extempore, for it is nothing but roaring. + BOTTOM. Let me play the lion too. I will roar that I will do +any + man's heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the + Duke say 'Let him roar again, let him roar again.' + QUINCE. An you should do it too terribly, you would fright the + Duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were + enough to hang us all. + ALL. That would hang us, every mother's son. + BOTTOM. I grant you, friends, if you should fright the ladies +out + of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang +us; + but I will aggravate my voice so, that I will roar you as +gently + as any sucking dove; I will roar you an 'twere any +nightingale. + QUINCE. You can play no part but Pyramus; for Pyramus is a + sweet-fac'd man; a proper man, as one shall see in a summer's + day; a most lovely gentleman-like man; therefore you must +needs + play Pyramus. + BOTTOM. Well, I will undertake it. What beard were I best to +play + it in? + QUINCE. Why, what you will. + BOTTOM. I will discharge it in either your straw-colour beard, +your + orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain beard, or your + French-crown-colour beard, your perfect yellow. + QUINCE. Some of your French crowns have no hair at all, and +then + you will play bare-fac'd. But, masters, here are your parts; +and + I am to entreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them +by + to-morrow night; and meet me in the palace wood, a mile +without + the town, by moonlight; there will we rehearse; for if we +meet in + the city, we shall be dogg'd with company, and our devices +known. + In the meantime I will draw a bill of properties, such as our + play wants. I pray you, fail me not. + BOTTOM. We will meet; and there we may rehearse most obscenely +and + courageously. Take pains; be perfect; adieu. + QUINCE. At the Duke's oak we meet. + BOTTOM. Enough; hold, or cut bow-strings. Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT II. SCENE I. +A wood near Athens + +Enter a FAIRY at One door, and PUCK at another + + PUCK. How now, spirit! whither wander you? + FAIRY. Over hill, over dale, + Thorough bush, thorough brier, + Over park, over pale, + Thorough flood, thorough fire, + I do wander every where, + Swifter than the moon's sphere; + And I serve the Fairy Queen, + To dew her orbs upon the green. + The cowslips tall her pensioners be; + In their gold coats spots you see; + Those be rubies, fairy favours, + In those freckles live their savours. + + I must go seek some dewdrops here, + And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear. + Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone. + Our Queen and all her elves come here anon. + PUCK. The King doth keep his revels here to-night; + Take heed the Queen come not within his sight; + For Oberon is passing fell and wrath, + Because that she as her attendant hath + A lovely boy, stolen from an Indian king. + She never had so sweet a changeling; + And jealous Oberon would have the child + Knight of his train, to trace the forests wild; + But she perforce withholds the loved boy, + Crowns him with flowers, and makes him all her joy. + And now they never meet in grove or green, + By fountain clear, or spangled starlight sheen, + But they do square, that all their elves for fear + Creep into acorn cups and hide them there. + FAIRY. Either I mistake your shape and making quite, + Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite + Call'd Robin Goodfellow. Are not you he + That frights the maidens of the villagery, + Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern, + And bootless make the breathless housewife churn, + And sometime make the drink to bear no barm, + Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm? + Those that Hobgoblin call you, and sweet Puck, + You do their work, and they shall have good luck. + Are not you he? + PUCK. Thou speakest aright: + I am that merry wanderer of the night. + I jest to Oberon, and make him smile + When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, + Neighing in likeness of a filly foal; + And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl + In very likeness of a roasted crab, + And, when she drinks, against her lips I bob, + And on her withered dewlap pour the ale. + The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale, + Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me; + Then slip I from her bum, down topples she, + And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough; + And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh, + And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and swear + A merrier hour was never wasted there. + But room, fairy, here comes Oberon. + FAIRY. And here my mistress. Would that he were gone! + + Enter OBERON at one door, with his TRAIN, and TITANIA, + at another, with hers + + OBERON. Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania. + TITANIA. What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence; + I have forsworn his bed and company. + OBERON. Tarry, rash wanton; am not I thy lord? + TITANIA. Then I must be thy lady; but I know + When thou hast stolen away from fairy land, + And in the shape of Corin sat all day, + Playing on pipes of corn, and versing love + To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here, + Come from the farthest steep of India, + But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon, + Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love, + To Theseus must be wedded, and you come + To give their bed joy and prosperity? + OBERON. How canst thou thus, for shame, Titania, + Glance at my credit with Hippolyta, + Knowing I know thy love to Theseus? + Didst not thou lead him through the glimmering night + From Perigouna, whom he ravished? + And make him with fair Aegles break his faith, + With Ariadne and Antiopa? + TITANIA. These are the forgeries of jealousy; + And never, since the middle summer's spring, + Met we on hill, in dale, forest, or mead, + By paved fountain, or by rushy brook, + Or in the beached margent of the sea, + To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind, + But with thy brawls thou hast disturb'd our sport. + Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain, + As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea + Contagious fogs; which, falling in the land, + Hath every pelting river made so proud + That they have overborne their continents. + The ox hath therefore stretch'd his yoke in vain, + The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn + Hath rotted ere his youth attain'd a beard; + The fold stands empty in the drowned field, + And crows are fatted with the murrion flock; + The nine men's morris is fill'd up with mud, + And the quaint mazes in the wanton green, + For lack of tread, are undistinguishable. + The human mortals want their winter here; + No night is now with hymn or carol blest; + Therefore the moon, the governess of floods, + Pale in her anger, washes all the air, + That rheumatic diseases do abound. + And thorough this distemperature we see + The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts + Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose; + And on old Hiems' thin and icy crown + An odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds + Is, as in mockery, set. The spring, the summer, + The childing autumn, angry winter, change + Their wonted liveries; and the mazed world, + By their increase, now knows not which is which. + And this same progeny of evils comes + From our debate, from our dissension; + We are their parents and original. + OBERON. Do you amend it, then; it lies in you. + Why should Titania cross her Oberon? + I do but beg a little changeling boy + To be my henchman. + TITANIA. Set your heart at rest; + The fairy land buys not the child of me. + His mother was a vot'ress of my order; + And, in the spiced Indian air, by night, + Full often hath she gossip'd by my side; + And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands, + Marking th' embarked traders on the flood; + When we have laugh'd to see the sails conceive, + And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind; + Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait + Following- her womb then rich with my young squire- + Would imitate, and sail upon the land, + To fetch me trifles, and return again, + As from a voyage, rich with merchandise. + But she, being mortal, of that boy did die; + And for her sake do I rear up her boy; + And for her sake I will not part with him. + OBERON. How long within this wood intend you stay? + TITANIA. Perchance till after Theseus' wedding-day. + If you will patiently dance in our round, + And see our moonlight revels, go with us; + If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts. + OBERON. Give me that boy and I will go with thee. + TITANIA. Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away. + We shall chide downright if I longer stay. + Exit TITANIA with her train + OBERON. Well, go thy way; thou shalt not from this grove + Till I torment thee for this injury. + My gentle Puck, come hither. Thou rememb'rest + Since once I sat upon a promontory, + And heard a mermaid on a dolphin's back + Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath + That the rude sea grew civil at her song, + And certain stars shot madly from their spheres + To hear the sea-maid's music. + PUCK. I remember. + OBERON. That very time I saw, but thou couldst not, + Flying between the cold moon and the earth + Cupid, all arm'd; a certain aim he took + At a fair vestal, throned by the west, + And loos'd his love-shaft smartly from his bow, + As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts; + But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft + Quench'd in the chaste beams of the wat'ry moon; + And the imperial vot'ress passed on, + In maiden meditation, fancy-free. + Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell. + It fell upon a little western flower, + Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound, + And maidens call it Love-in-idleness. + Fetch me that flow'r, the herb I showed thee once. + The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid + Will make or man or woman madly dote + Upon the next live creature that it sees. + Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again + Ere the leviathan can swim a league. + PUCK. I'll put a girdle round about the earth + In forty minutes. Exit PUCK + OBERON. Having once this juice, + I'll watch Titania when she is asleep, + And drop the liquor of it in her eyes; + The next thing then she waking looks upon, + Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull, + On meddling monkey, or on busy ape, + She shall pursue it with the soul of love. + And ere I take this charm from off her sight, + As I can take it with another herb, + I'll make her render up her page to me. + But who comes here? I am invisible; + And I will overhear their conference. + + Enter DEMETRIUS, HELENA following him + + DEMETRIUS. I love thee not, therefore pursue me not. + Where is Lysander and fair Hermia? + The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me. + Thou told'st me they were stol'n unto this wood, + And here am I, and wood within this wood, + Because I cannot meet my Hermia. + Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more. + HELENA. You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant; + But yet you draw not iron, for my heart + Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw, + And I shall have no power to follow you. + DEMETRIUS. Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair? + Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth + Tell you I do not nor I cannot love you? + HELENA. And even for that do I love you the more. + I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius, + The more you beat me, I will fawn on you. + Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me, + Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave, + Unworthy as I am, to follow you. + What worser place can I beg in your love, + And yet a place of high respect with me, + Than to be used as you use your dog? + DEMETRIUS. Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit; + For I am sick when I do look on thee. + HELENA. And I am sick when I look not on you. + DEMETRIUS. You do impeach your modesty too much + To leave the city and commit yourself + Into the hands of one that loves you not; + To trust the opportunity of night, + And the ill counsel of a desert place, + With the rich worth of your virginity. + HELENA. Your virtue is my privilege for that: + It is not night when I do see your face, + Therefore I think I am not in the night; + Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company, + For you, in my respect, are all the world. + Then how can it be said I am alone + When all the world is here to look on me? + DEMETRIUS. I'll run from thee and hide me in the brakes, + And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts. + HELENA. The wildest hath not such a heart as you. + Run when you will; the story shall be chang'd: + Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase; + The dove pursues the griffin; the mild hind + Makes speed to catch the tiger- bootless speed, + When cowardice pursues and valour flies. + DEMETRIUS. I will not stay thy questions; let me go; + Or, if thou follow me, do not believe + But I shall do thee mischief in the wood. + HELENA. Ay, in the temple, in the town, the field, + You do me mischief. Fie, Demetrius! + Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex. + We cannot fight for love as men may do; + We should be woo'd, and were not made to woo. + Exit DEMETRIUS + I'll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell, + To die upon the hand I love so well. Exit HELENA + OBERON. Fare thee well, nymph; ere he do leave this grove, + Thou shalt fly him, and he shall seek thy love. + + Re-enter PUCK + + Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer. + PUCK. Ay, there it is. + OBERON. I pray thee give it me. + I know a bank where the wild thyme blows, + Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows, + Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine, + With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine; + There sleeps Titania sometime of the night, + Lull'd in these flowers with dances and delight; + And there the snake throws her enamell'd skin, + Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in; + And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes, + And make her full of hateful fantasies. + Take thou some of it, and seek through this grove: + A sweet Athenian lady is in love + With a disdainful youth; anoint his eyes; + But do it when the next thing he espies + May be the lady. Thou shalt know the man + By the Athenian garments he hath on. + Effect it with some care, that he may prove + More fond on her than she upon her love. + And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow. + PUCK. Fear not, my lord; your servant shall do so. Exeunt + + + + +SCENE II. +Another part of the wood + +Enter TITANIA, with her train + + TITANIA. Come now, a roundel and a fairy song; + Then, for the third part of a minute, hence: + Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds; + Some war with rere-mice for their leathern wings, + To make my small elves coats; and some keep back + The clamorous owl that nightly hoots and wonders + At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep; + Then to your offices, and let me rest. + + The FAIRIES Sing + + FIRST FAIRY. You spotted snakes with double tongue, + Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen; + Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong, + Come not near our fairy Queen. + CHORUS. Philomel with melody + Sing in our sweet lullaby. + Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla, lulla, lullaby. + Never harm + Nor spell nor charm + Come our lovely lady nigh. + So good night, with lullaby. + SECOND FAIRY. Weaving spiders, come not here; + Hence, you long-legg'd spinners, hence. + Beetles black, approach not near; + Worm nor snail do no offence. + CHORUS. Philomel with melody, etc. [TITANIA Sleeps] + FIRST FAIRY. Hence away; now all is well. + One aloof stand sentinel. Exeunt FAIRIES + + Enter OBERON and squeezes the flower on TITANIA'S eyelids + + OBERON. What thou seest when thou dost wake, + Do it for thy true-love take; + Love and languish for his sake. + Be it ounce, or cat, or bear, + Pard, or boar with bristled hair, + In thy eye that shall appear + When thou wak'st, it is thy dear. + Wake when some vile thing is near. Exit + + Enter LYSANDER and HERMIA + + LYSANDER. Fair love, you faint with wand'ring in the wood; + And, to speak troth, I have forgot our way; + We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good, + And tarry for the comfort of the day. + HERMIA. Be it so, Lysander: find you out a bed, + For I upon this bank will rest my head. + LYSANDER. One turf shall serve as pillow for us both; + One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth. + HERMIA. Nay, good Lysander; for my sake, my dear, + Lie further off yet; do not lie so near. + LYSANDER. O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence! + Love takes the meaning in love's conference. + I mean that my heart unto yours is knit, + So that but one heart we can make of it; + Two bosoms interchained with an oath, + So then two bosoms and a single troth. + Then by your side no bed-room me deny, + For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie. + HERMIA. Lysander riddles very prettily. + Now much beshrew my manners and my pride, + If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied! + But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy + Lie further off, in human modesty; + Such separation as may well be said + Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid, + So far be distant; and good night, sweet friend. + Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end! + LYSANDER. Amen, amen, to that fair prayer say I; + And then end life when I end loyalty! + Here is my bed; sleep give thee all his rest! + HERMIA. With half that wish the wisher's eyes be press'd! + [They sleep] + + Enter PUCK + + PUCK. Through the forest have I gone, + But Athenian found I none + On whose eyes I might approve + This flower's force in stirring love. + Night and silence- Who is here? + Weeds of Athens he doth wear: + This is he, my master said, + Despised the Athenian maid; + And here the maiden, sleeping sound, + On the dank and dirty ground. + Pretty soul! she durst not lie + Near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy. + Churl, upon thy eyes I throw + All the power this charm doth owe: + When thou wak'st let love forbid + Sleep his seat on thy eyelid. + So awake when I am gone; + For I must now to Oberon. Exit + + Enter DEMETRIUS and HELENA, running + + HELENA. Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius. + DEMETRIUS. I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus. + HELENA. O, wilt thou darkling leave me? Do not so. + DEMETRIUS. Stay on thy peril; I alone will go. Exit + HELENA. O, I am out of breath in this fond chase! + The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace. + Happy is Hermia, wheresoe'er she lies, + For she hath blessed and attractive eyes. + How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears; + If so, my eyes are oft'ner wash'd than hers. + No, no, I am as ugly as a bear, + For beasts that meet me run away for fear; + Therefore no marvel though Demetrius + Do, as a monster, fly my presence thus. + What wicked and dissembling glass of mine + Made me compare with Hermia's sphery eyne? + But who is here? Lysander! on the ground! + Dead, or asleep? I see no blood, no wound. + Lysander, if you live, good sir, awake. + LYSANDER. [Waking] And run through fire I will for thy sweet +sake. + Transparent Helena! Nature shows art, + That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart. + Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word + Is that vile name to perish on my sword! + HELENA. Do not say so, Lysander; say not so. + What though he love your Hermia? Lord, what though? + Yet Hermia still loves you; then be content. + LYSANDER. Content with Hermia! No: I do repent + The tedious minutes I with her have spent. + Not Hermia but Helena I love: + Who will not change a raven for a dove? + The will of man is by his reason sway'd, + And reason says you are the worthier maid. + Things growing are not ripe until their season; + So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason; + And touching now the point of human skill, + Reason becomes the marshal to my will, + And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook + Love's stories, written in Love's richest book. + HELENA. Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born? + When at your hands did I deserve this scorn? + Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man, + That I did never, no, nor never can, + Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye, + But you must flout my insufficiency? + Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do, + In such disdainful manner me to woo. + But fare you well; perforce I must confess + I thought you lord of more true gentleness. + O, that a lady of one man refus'd + Should of another therefore be abus'd! Exit + LYSANDER. She sees not Hermia. Hermia, sleep thou there; + And never mayst thou come Lysander near! + For, as a surfeit of the sweetest things + The deepest loathing to the stomach brings, + Or as the heresies that men do leave + Are hated most of those they did deceive, + So thou, my surfeit and my heresy, + Of all be hated, but the most of me! + And, all my powers, address your love and might + To honour Helen, and to be her knight! Exit + HERMIA. [Starting] Help me, Lysander, help me; do thy best + To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast. + Ay me, for pity! What a dream was here! + Lysander, look how I do quake with fear. + Methought a serpent eat my heart away, + And you sat smiling at his cruel prey. + Lysander! What, remov'd? Lysander! lord! + What, out of hearing gone? No sound, no word? + Alack, where are you? Speak, an if you hear; + Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear. + No? Then I well perceive you are not nigh. + Either death or you I'll find immediately. Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT III. SCENE I. +The wood. TITANIA lying asleep + +Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING + + BOTTOM. Are we all met? + QUINCE. Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place for +our + rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn + brake our tiring-house; and we will do it in action, as we +will + do it before the Duke. + BOTTOM. Peter Quince! + QUINCE. What sayest thou, bully Bottom? + BOTTOM. There are things in this comedy of Pyramus and Thisby +that + will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill + himself; which the ladies cannot abide. How answer you that? + SNOUT. By'r lakin, a parlous fear. + STARVELING. I believe we must leave the killing out, when all +is + done. + BOTTOM. Not a whit; I have a device to make all well. Write me +a + prologue; and let the prologue seem to say we will do no harm + with our swords, and that Pyramus is not kill'd indeed; and +for + the more better assurance, tell them that I Pyramus am not + Pyramus but Bottom the weaver. This will put them out of +fear. + QUINCE. Well, we will have such a prologue; and it shall be +written + in eight and six. + BOTTOM. No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and +eight. + SNOUT. Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion? + STARVELING. I fear it, I promise you. + BOTTOM. Masters, you ought to consider with yourself to bring +in- + God shield us!- a lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing; +for + there is not a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living; +and + we ought to look to't. + SNOUT. Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion. + BOTTOM. Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must be +seen + through the lion's neck; and he himself must speak through, + saying thus, or to the same defect: 'Ladies,' or 'Fair +ladies, I + would wish you' or 'I would request you' or 'I would entreat +you + not to fear, not to tremble. My life for yours! If you think +I + come hither as a lion, it were pity of my life. No, I am no +such + thing; I am a man as other men are.' And there, indeed, let +him + name his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner. + QUINCE. Well, it shall be so. But there is two hard things- +that + is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber; for, you know, +Pyramus + and Thisby meet by moonlight. + SNOUT. Doth the moon shine that night we play our play? + BOTTOM. A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanack; find out + moonshine, find out moonshine. + QUINCE. Yes, it doth shine that night. + BOTTOM. Why, then may you leave a casement of the great chamber + window, where we play, open; and the moon may shine in at the + casement. + QUINCE. Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns and +a + lantern, and say he comes to disfigure or to present the +person + of Moonshine. Then there is another thing: we must have a +wall in + the great chamber; for Pyramus and Thisby, says the story, +did + talk through the chink of a wall. + SNOUT. You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom? + BOTTOM. Some man or other must present Wall; and let him have +some + plaster, or some loam, or some rough-cast about him, to +signify + wall; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that +cranny + shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper. + QUINCE. If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down, every + mother's son, and rehearse your parts. Pyramus, you begin; +when + you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so +every + one according to his cue. + + Enter PUCK behind + + PUCK. What hempen homespuns have we swagg'ring here, + So near the cradle of the Fairy Queen? + What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor; + An actor too perhaps, if I see cause. + QUINCE. Speak, Pyramus. Thisby, stand forth. + BOTTOM. Thisby, the flowers of odious savours sweet- + QUINCE. 'Odious'- odorous! + BOTTOM. -odours savours sweet; + So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear. + But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile, + And by and by I will to thee appear. Exit + PUCK. A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here! Exit + FLUTE. Must I speak now? + QUINCE. Ay, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes +but to + see a noise that he heard, and is to come again. + FLUTE. Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue, + Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier, + Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew, + As true as truest horse, that would never tire, + I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb. + QUINCE. 'Ninus' tomb,' man! Why, you must not speak that yet; +that + you answer to Pyramus. You speak all your part at once, cues, +and + all. Pyramus enter: your cue is past; it is 'never tire.' + FLUTE. O- As true as truest horse, that y et would never tire. + + Re-enter PUCK, and BOTTOM with an ass's head + + BOTTOM. If I were fair, Thisby, I were only thine. + QUINCE. O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted. Pray, masters! +fly, + masters! Help! + Exeunt all but BOTTOM and PUCK + PUCK. I'll follow you; I'll lead you about a round, + Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier; + Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound, + A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire; + And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn, + Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn. +Exit + BOTTOM. Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make +me + afeard. + + Re-enter SNOUT + + SNOUT. O Bottom, thou art chang'd! What do I see on thee? + BOTTOM. What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do +you? + Exit SNOUT + + Re-enter QUINCE + + QUINCE. Bless thee, Bottom, bless thee! Thou art translated. + Exit + BOTTOM. I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me; to + fright me, if they could. But I will not stir from this +place, do + what they can; I will walk up and down here, and will sing, +that + they shall hear I am not afraid. [Sings] + + The ousel cock, so black of hue, + With orange-tawny bill, + The throstle with his note so true, + The wren with little quill. + + TITANIA. What angel wakes me from my flow'ry bed? + BOTTOM. [Sings] + The finch, the sparrow, and the lark, + The plain-song cuckoo grey, + Whose note full many a man doth mark, + And dares not answer nay- + for, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish a bird? + Who would give a bird the he, though he cry 'cuckoo' never +so? + TITANIA. I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again. + Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note; + So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape; + And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me, + On the first view, to say, to swear, I love thee. + BOTTOM. Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for +that. + And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little +company + together now-a-days. The more the pity that some honest + neighbours will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon + occasion. + TITANIA. Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful. + BOTTOM. Not so, neither; but if I had wit enough to get out of +this + wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn. + TITANIA. Out of this wood do not desire to go; + Thou shalt remain here whether thou wilt or no. + I am a spirit of no common rate; + The summer still doth tend upon my state; + And I do love thee; therefore, go with me. + I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee; + And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep, + And sing, while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep; + And I will purge thy mortal grossness so + That thou shalt like an airy spirit go. + Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed! + + Enter PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTARDSEED + + PEASEBLOSSOM. Ready. + COBWEB. And I. + MOTH. And I. + MUSTARDSEED. And I. + ALL. Where shall we go? + TITANIA. Be kind and courteous to this gentleman; + Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes; + Feed him with apricocks and dewberries, + With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries; + The honey bags steal from the humble-bees, + And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs, + And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes, + To have my love to bed and to arise; + And pluck the wings from painted butterflies, + To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes. + Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies. + PEASEBLOSSOM. Hail, mortal! + COBWEB. Hail! + MOTH. Hail! + MUSTARDSEED. Hail! + BOTTOM. I cry your worships mercy, heartily; I beseech your + worship's name. + COBWEB. Cobweb. + BOTTOM. I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master + Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. Your + name, honest gentleman? + PEASEBLOSSOM. Peaseblossom. + BOTTOM. I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother, +and + to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peaseblossom, I +shall + desire you of more acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech +you, + sir? + MUSTARDSEED. Mustardseed. + BOTTOM. Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well. +That + same cowardly giant-like ox-beef hath devour'd many a +gentleman + of your house. I promise you your kindred hath made my eyes +water + ere now. I desire you of more acquaintance, good Master + Mustardseed. + TITANIA. Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower. + The moon, methinks, looks with a wat'ry eye; + And when she weeps, weeps every little flower; + Lamenting some enforced chastity. + Tie up my love's tongue, bring him silently. Exeunt + + + + +SCENE II. +Another part of the wood + +Enter OBERON + + OBERON. I wonder if Titania be awak'd; + Then, what it was that next came in her eye, + Which she must dote on in extremity. + + Enter PUCK + + Here comes my messenger. How now, mad spirit! + What night-rule now about this haunted grove? + PUCK. My mistress with a monster is in love. + Near to her close and consecrated bower, + While she was in her dull and sleeping hour, + A crew of patches, rude mechanicals, + That work for bread upon Athenian stalls, + Were met together to rehearse a play + Intended for great Theseus' nuptial day. + The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort, + Who Pyramus presented, in their sport + Forsook his scene and ent'red in a brake; + When I did him at this advantage take, + An ass's nole I fixed on his head. + Anon his Thisby must be answered, + And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy, + As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye, + Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort, + Rising and cawing at the gun's report, + Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky, + So at his sight away his fellows fly; + And at our stamp here, o'er and o'er one falls; + He murder cries, and help from Athens calls. + Their sense thus weak, lost with their fears thus strong, + Made senseless things begin to do them wrong, + For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch; + Some sleeves, some hats, from yielders all things catch. + I led them on in this distracted fear, + And left sweet Pyramus translated there; + When in that moment, so it came to pass, + Titania wak'd, and straightway lov'd an ass. + OBERON. This falls out better than I could devise. + But hast thou yet latch'd the Athenian's eyes + With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do? + PUCK. I took him sleeping- that is finish'd too- + And the Athenian woman by his side; + That, when he wak'd, of force she must be ey'd. + + Enter DEMETRIUS and HERMIA + + OBERON. Stand close; this is the same Athenian. + PUCK. This is the woman, but not this the man. + DEMETRIUS. O, why rebuke you him that loves you so? + Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe. + HERMIA. Now I but chide, but I should use thee worse, + For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse. + If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep, + Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep, + And kill me too. + The sun was not so true unto the day + As he to me. Would he have stolen away + From sleeping Hermia? I'll believe as soon + This whole earth may be bor'd, and that the moon + May through the centre creep and so displease + Her brother's noontide with th' Antipodes. + It cannot be but thou hast murd'red him; + So should a murderer look- so dead, so grim. + DEMETRIUS. So should the murdered look; and so should I, + Pierc'd through the heart with your stern cruelty; + Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear, + As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere. + HERMIA. What's this to my Lysander? Where is he? + Ah, good Demetrius, wilt thou give him me? + DEMETRIUS. I had rather give his carcass to my hounds. + HERMIA. Out, dog! out, cur! Thou driv'st me past the bounds + Of maiden's patience. Hast thou slain him, then? + Henceforth be never numb'red among men! + O, once tell true; tell true, even for my sake! + Durst thou have look'd upon him being awake, + And hast thou kill'd him sleeping? O brave touch! + Could not a worm, an adder, do so much? + An adder did it; for with doubler tongue + Than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung. + DEMETRIUS. You spend your passion on a mispris'd mood: + I am not guilty of Lysander's blood; + Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell. + HERMIA. I pray thee, tell me then that he is well. + DEMETRIUS. An if I could, what should I get therefore? + HERMIA. A privilege never to see me more. + And from thy hated presence part I so; + See me no more whether he be dead or no. Exit + DEMETRIUS. There is no following her in this fierce vein; + Here, therefore, for a while I will remain. + So sorrow's heaviness doth heavier grow + For debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe; + Which now in some slight measure it will pay, + If for his tender here I make some stay. [Lies down] + OBERON. What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite, + And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight. + Of thy misprision must perforce ensue + Some true love turn'd, and not a false turn'd true. + PUCK. Then fate o'er-rules, that, one man holding troth, + A million fail, confounding oath on oath. + OBERON. About the wood go swifter than the wind, + And Helena of Athens look thou find; + All fancy-sick she is and pale of cheer, + With sighs of love that costs the fresh blood dear. + By some illusion see thou bring her here; + I'll charm his eyes against she do appear. + PUCK. I go, I go; look how I go, + Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's bow. Exit + OBERON. Flower of this purple dye, + Hit with Cupid's archery, + Sink in apple of his eye. + When his love he doth espy, + Let her shine as gloriously + As the Venus of the sky. + When thou wak'st, if she be by, + Beg of her for remedy. + + Re-enter PUCK + + PUCK. Captain of our fairy band, + Helena is here at hand, + And the youth mistook by me + Pleading for a lover's fee; + Shall we their fond pageant see? + Lord, what fools these mortals be! + OBERON. Stand aside. The noise they make + Will cause Demetrius to awake. + PUCK. Then will two at once woo one. + That must needs be sport alone; + And those things do best please me + That befall prepost'rously. + + Enter LYSANDER and HELENA + + LYSANDER. Why should you think that I should woo in scorn? + Scorn and derision never come in tears. + Look when I vow, I weep; and vows so born, + In their nativity all truth appears. + How can these things in me seem scorn to you, + Bearing the badge of faith, to prove them true? + HELENA. You do advance your cunning more and more. + When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray! + These vows are Hermia's. Will you give her o'er? + Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh: + Your vows to her and me, put in two scales, + Will even weigh; and both as light as tales. + LYSANDER. I hod no judgment when to her I swore. + HELENA. Nor none, in my mind, now you give her o'er. + LYSANDER. Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you. + DEMETRIUS. [Awaking] O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine! + To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne? + Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show + Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow! + That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow, + Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow + When thou hold'st up thy hand. O, let me kiss + This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss! + HELENA. O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent + To set against me for your merriment. + If you were civil and knew courtesy, + You would not do me thus much injury. + Can you not hate me, as I know you do, + But you must join in souls to mock me too? + If you were men, as men you are in show, + You would not use a gentle lady so: + To vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts, + When I am sure you hate me with your hearts. + You both are rivals, and love Hermia; + And now both rivals, to mock Helena. + A trim exploit, a manly enterprise, + To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes + With your derision! None of noble sort + Would so offend a virgin, and extort + A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport. + LYSANDER. You are unkind, Demetrius; be not so; + For you love Hermia. This you know I know; + And here, with all good will, with all my heart, + In Hermia's love I yield you up my part; + And yours of Helena to me bequeath, + Whom I do love and will do till my death. + HELENA. Never did mockers waste more idle breath. + DEMETRIUS. Lysander, keep thy Hermia; I will none. + If e'er I lov'd her, all that love is gone. + My heart to her but as guest-wise sojourn'd, + And now to Helen is it home return'd, + There to remain. + LYSANDER. Helen, it is not so. + DEMETRIUS. Disparage not the faith thou dost not know, + Lest, to thy peril, thou aby it dear. + Look where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear. + + Enter HERMIA + + HERMIA. Dark night, that from the eye his function takes, + The ear more quick of apprehension makes; + Wherein it doth impair the seeing sense, + It pays the hearing double recompense. + Thou art not by mine eye, Lysander, found; + Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound. + But why unkindly didst thou leave me so? + LYSANDER. Why should he stay whom love doth press to go? + HERMIA. What love could press Lysander from my side? + LYSANDER. Lysander's love, that would not let him bide- + Fair Helena, who more engilds the night + Than all yon fiery oes and eyes of light. + Why seek'st thou me? Could not this make thee know + The hate I bare thee made me leave thee so? + HERMIA. You speak not as you think; it cannot be. + HELENA. Lo, she is one of this confederacy! + Now I perceive they have conjoin'd all three + To fashion this false sport in spite of me. + Injurious Hermia! most ungrateful maid! + Have you conspir'd, have you with these contriv'd, + To bait me with this foul derision? + Is all the counsel that we two have shar'd, + The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent, + When we have chid the hasty-footed time + For parting us- O, is all forgot? + All school-days' friendship, childhood innocence? + We, Hermia, like two artificial gods, + Have with our needles created both one flower, + Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion, + Both warbling of one song, both in one key; + As if our hands, our sides, voices, and minds, + Had been incorporate. So we grew together, + Like to a double cherry, seeming parted, + But yet an union in partition, + Two lovely berries moulded on one stern; + So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart; + Two of the first, like coats in heraldry, + Due but to one, and crowned with one crest. + And will you rent our ancient love asunder, + To join with men in scorning your poor friend? + It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly; + Our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it, + Though I alone do feel the injury. + HERMIA. I am amazed at your passionate words; + I scorn you not; it seems that you scorn me. + HELENA. Have you not set Lysander, as in scorn, + To follow me and praise my eyes and face? + And made your other love, Demetrius, + Who even but now did spurn me with his foot, + To call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare, + Precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this + To her he hates? And wherefore doth Lysander + Deny your love, so rich within his soul, + And tender me, forsooth, affection, + But by your setting on, by your consent? + What though I be not so in grace as you, + So hung upon with love, so fortunate, + But miserable most, to love unlov'd? + This you should pity rather than despise. + HERMIA. I understand not what you mean by this. + HELENA. Ay, do- persever, counterfeit sad looks, + Make mouths upon me when I turn my back, + Wink each at other; hold the sweet jest up; + This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled. + If you have any pity, grace, or manners, + You would not make me such an argument. + But fare ye well; 'tis partly my own fault, + Which death, or absence, soon shall remedy. + LYSANDER. Stay, gentle Helena; hear my excuse; + My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena! + HELENA. O excellent! + HERMIA. Sweet, do not scorn her so. + DEMETRIUS. If she cannot entreat, I can compel. + LYSANDER. Thou canst compel no more than she entreat; + Thy threats have no more strength than her weak prayers + Helen, I love thee, by my life I do; + I swear by that which I will lose for thee + To prove him false that says I love thee not. + DEMETRIUS. I say I love thee more than he can do. + LYSANDER. If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too. + DEMETRIUS. Quick, come. + HERMIA. Lysander, whereto tends all this? + LYSANDER. Away, you Ethiope! + DEMETRIUS. No, no, he will + Seem to break loose- take on as you would follow, + But yet come not. You are a tame man; go! + LYSANDER. Hang off, thou cat, thou burr; vile thing, let loose, + Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent. + HERMIA. Why are you grown so rude? What change is this, + Sweet love? + LYSANDER. Thy love! Out, tawny Tartar, out! + Out, loathed med'cine! O hated potion, hence! + HERMIA. Do you not jest? + HELENA. Yes, sooth; and so do you. + LYSANDER. Demetrius, I will keep my word with thee. + DEMETRIUS. I would I had your bond; for I perceive + A weak bond holds you; I'll not trust your word. + LYSANDER. What, should I hurt her, strike her, kill her dead? + Although I hate her, I'll not harm her so. + HERMIA. What! Can you do me greater harm than hate? + Hate me! wherefore? O me! what news, my love? + Am not I Hermia? Are not you Lysander? + I am as fair now as I was erewhile. + Since night you lov'd me; yet since night you left me. + Why then, you left me- O, the gods forbid!- + In earnest, shall I say? + LYSANDER. Ay, by my life! + And never did desire to see thee more. + Therefore be out of hope, of question, of doubt; + Be certain, nothing truer; 'tis no jest + That I do hate thee and love Helena. + HERMIA. O me! you juggler! you cankerblossom! + You thief of love! What! Have you come by night, + And stol'n my love's heart from him? + HELENA. Fine, i' faith! + Have you no modesty, no maiden shame, + No touch of bashfulness? What! Will you tear + Impatient answers from my gentle tongue? + Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet you! + HERMIA. 'Puppet!' why so? Ay, that way goes the game. + Now I perceive that she hath made compare + Between our statures; she hath urg'd her height; + And with her personage, her tall personage, + Her height, forsooth, she hath prevail'd with him. + And are you grown so high in his esteem + Because I am so dwarfish and so low? + How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak. + How low am I? I am not yet so low + But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes. + HELENA. I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen, + Let her not hurt me. I was never curst; + I have no gift at all in shrewishness; + I am a right maid for my cowardice; + Let her not strike me. You perhaps may think, + Because she is something lower than myself, + That I can match her. + HERMIA. 'Lower' hark, again. + HELENA. Good Hermia, do not be so bitter with me. + I evermore did love you, Hermia, + Did ever keep your counsels, never wrong'd you; + Save that, in love unto Demetrius, + I told him of your stealth unto this wood. + He followed you; for love I followed him; + But he hath chid me hence, and threat'ned me + To strike me, spurn me, nay, to kill me too; + And now, so you will let me quiet go, + To Athens will I bear my folly back, + And follow you no further. Let me go. + You see how simple and how fond I am. + HERMIA. Why, get you gone! Who is't that hinders you? + HELENA. A foolish heart that I leave here behind. + HERMIA. What! with Lysander? + HELENA. With Demetrius. + LYSANDER. Be not afraid; she shall not harm thee, Helena. + DEMETRIUS. No, sir, she shall not, though you take her part. + HELENA. O, when she is angry, she is keen and shrewd; + She was a vixen when she went to school; + And, though she be but little, she is fierce. + HERMIA. 'Little' again! Nothing but 'low' and 'little'! + Why will you suffer her to flout me thus? + Let me come to her. + LYSANDER. Get you gone, you dwarf; + You minimus, of hind'ring knot-grass made; + You bead, you acorn. + DEMETRIUS. You are too officious + In her behalf that scorns your services. + Let her alone; speak not of Helena; + Take not her part; for if thou dost intend + Never so little show of love to her, + Thou shalt aby it. + LYSANDER. Now she holds me not. + Now follow, if thou dar'st, to try whose right, + Of thine or mine, is most in Helena. + DEMETRIUS. Follow! Nay, I'll go with thee, cheek by jowl. + Exeunt LYSANDER and DEMETRIUS + HERMIA. You, mistress, all this coil is long of you. + Nay, go not back. + HELENA. I will not trust you, I; + Nor longer stay in your curst company. + Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray; + My legs are longer though, to run away. Exit + HERMIA. I am amaz'd, and know not what to say. Exit + OBERON. This is thy negligence. Still thou mistak'st, + Or else committ'st thy knaveries wilfully. + PUCK. Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook. + Did not you tell me I should know the man + By the Athenian garments he had on? + And so far blameless proves my enterprise + That I have 'nointed an Athenian's eyes; + And so far am I glad it so did sort, + As this their jangling I esteem a sport. + OBERON. Thou seest these lovers seek a place to fight. + Hie therefore, Robin, overcast the night; + The starry welkin cover thou anon + With drooping fog as black as Acheron, + And lead these testy rivals so astray + As one come not within another's way. + Like to Lysander sometime frame thy tongue, + Then stir Demetrius up with bitter wrong; + And sometime rail thou like Demetrius; + And from each other look thou lead them thus, + Till o'er their brows death-counterfeiting sleep + With leaden legs and batty wings doth creep. + Then crush this herb into Lysander's eye; + Whose liquor hath this virtuous property, + To take from thence all error with his might + And make his eyeballs roll with wonted sight. + When they next wake, all this derision + Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision; + And back to Athens shall the lovers wend + With league whose date till death shall never end. + Whiles I in this affair do thee employ, + I'll to my queen, and beg her Indian boy; + And then I will her charmed eye release + From monster's view, and all things shall be peace. + PUCK. My fairy lord, this must be done with haste, + For night's swift dragons cut the clouds full fast; + And yonder shines Aurora's harbinger, + At whose approach ghosts, wand'ring here and there, + Troop home to churchyards. Damned spirits all + That in cross-ways and floods have burial, + Already to their wormy beds are gone, + For fear lest day should look their shames upon; + They wilfully themselves exil'd from light, + And must for aye consort with black-brow'd night. + OBERON. But we are spirits of another sort: + I with the Morning's love have oft made sport; + And, like a forester, the groves may tread + Even till the eastern gate, all fiery red, + Opening on Neptune with fair blessed beams, + Turns into yellow gold his salt green streams. + But, notwithstanding, haste, make no delay; + We may effect this business yet ere day. Exit OBERON + PUCK. Up and down, up and down, + I will lead them up and down. + I am fear'd in field and town. + Goblin, lead them up and down. + Here comes one. + + Enter LYSANDER + + LYSANDER. Where art thou, proud Demetrius? Speak thou now. + PUCK. Here, villain, drawn and ready. Where art thou? + LYSANDER. I will be with thee straight. + PUCK. Follow me, then, + To plainer ground. Exit LYSANDER as following the voice + + Enter DEMETRIUS + + DEMETRIUS. Lysander, speak again. + Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled? + Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head? + PUCK. Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars, + Telling the bushes that thou look'st for wars, + And wilt not come? Come, recreant, come, thou child; + I'll whip thee with a rod. He is defil'd + That draws a sword on thee. + DEMETRIUS. Yea, art thou there? + PUCK. Follow my voice; we'll try no manhood here. Exeunt + + Re-enter LYSANDER + + LYSANDER. He goes before me, and still dares me on; + When I come where he calls, then he is gone. + The villain is much lighter heel'd than I. + I followed fast, but faster he did fly, + That fallen am I in dark uneven way, + And here will rest me. [Lies down] Come, thou gentle day. + For if but once thou show me thy grey light, + I'll find Demetrius, and revenge this spite. [Sleeps] + + Re-enter PUCK and DEMETRIUS + + PUCK. Ho, ho, ho! Coward, why com'st thou not? + DEMETRIUS. Abide me, if thou dar'st; for well I wot + Thou run'st before me, shifting every place, + And dar'st not stand, nor look me in the face. + Where art thou now? + PUCK. Come hither; I am here. + DEMETRIUS. Nay, then, thou mock'st me. Thou shalt buy this +dear, + If ever I thy face by daylight see; + Now, go thy way. Faintness constraineth me + To measure out my length on this cold bed. + By day's approach look to be visited. + [Lies down and sleeps] + + Enter HELENA + + HELENA. O weary night, O long and tedious night, + Abate thy hours! Shine comforts from the east, + That I may back to Athens by daylight, + From these that my poor company detest. + And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow's eye, + Steal me awhile from mine own company. [Sleeps] + PUCK. Yet but three? Come one more; + Two of both kinds makes up four. + Here she comes, curst and sad. + Cupid is a knavish lad, + Thus to make poor females mad. + + Enter HERMIA + + HERMIA. Never so weary, never so in woe, + Bedabbled with the dew, and torn with briers, + I can no further crawl, no further go; + My legs can keep no pace with my desires. + Here will I rest me till the break of day. + Heavens shield Lysander, if they mean a fray! + [Lies down and sleeps] + PUCK. On the ground + Sleep sound; + I'll apply + To your eye, + Gentle lover, remedy. + [Squeezing the juice on LYSANDER'S eyes] + When thou wak'st, + Thou tak'st + True delight + In the sight + Of thy former lady's eye; + And the country proverb known, + That every man should take his own, + In your waking shall be shown: + Jack shall have Jill; + Nought shall go ill; + The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well. + Exit + + + + +<> + + + +ACT IV. SCENE I. +The wood. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HELENA, and HERMIA, lying asleep + +Enter TITANIA and Bottom; PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, +MUSTARDSEED, +and other FAIRIES attending; + OBERON behind, unseen + + TITANIA. Come, sit thee down upon this flow'ry bed, + While I thy amiable cheeks do coy, + And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head, + And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy. + BOTTOM. Where's Peaseblossom? + PEASEBLOSSOM. Ready. + BOTTOM. Scratch my head, Peaseblossom. + Where's Mounsieur Cobweb? + COBWEB. Ready. + BOTTOM. Mounsieur Cobweb; good mounsieur, get you your weapons +in + your hand and kill me a red-hipp'd humble-bee on the top of a + thistle; and, good mounsieur, bring me the honey-bag. Do not +fret + yourself too much in the action, mounsieur; and, good +mounsieur, + have a care the honey-bag break not; I would be loath to have +you + overflown with a honey-bag, signior. Where's Mounsieur + Mustardseed? + MUSTARDSEED. Ready. + BOTTOM. Give me your neaf, Mounsieur Mustardseed. Pray you, +leave + your curtsy, good mounsieur. + MUSTARDSEED. What's your will? + BOTTOM. Nothing, good mounsieur, but to help Cavalery Cobweb to + scratch. I must to the barber's, mounsieur; for methinks I am + marvellous hairy about the face; and I am such a tender ass, +if + my hair do but tickle me I must scratch. + TITANIA. What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love? + BOTTOM. I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let's have the +tongs + and the bones. + TITANIA. Or say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat. + BOTTOM. Truly, a peck of provender; I could munch your good dry + oats. Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay. Good + hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow. + TITANIA. I have a venturous fairy that shall seek + The squirrel's hoard, and fetch thee new nuts. + BOTTOM. I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas. But, +I + pray you, let none of your people stir me; I have an +exposition + of sleep come upon me. + TITANIA. Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms. + Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away. Exeunt FAIRIES + So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle + Gently entwist; the female ivy so + Enrings the barky fingers of the elm. + O, how I love thee! how I dote on thee! [They sleep] + + Enter PUCK + + OBERON. [Advancing] Welcome, good Robin. Seest thou this sweet + sight? + Her dotage now I do begin to pity; + For, meeting her of late behind the wood, + Seeking sweet favours for this hateful fool, + I did upbraid her and fall out with her. + For she his hairy temples then had rounded + With coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers; + And that same dew which sometime on the buds + Was wont to swell like round and orient pearls + Stood now within the pretty flowerets' eyes, + Like tears that did their own disgrace bewail. + When I had at my pleasure taunted her, + And she in mild terms begg'd my patience, + I then did ask of her her changeling child; + Which straight she gave me, and her fairy sent + To bear him to my bower in fairy land. + And now I have the boy, I will undo + This hateful imperfection of her eyes. + And, gentle Puck, take this transformed scalp + From off the head of this Athenian swain, + That he awaking when the other do + May all to Athens back again repair, + And think no more of this night's accidents + But as the fierce vexation of a dream. + But first I will release the Fairy Queen. + [Touching her eyes] + Be as thou wast wont to be; + See as thou was wont to see. + Dian's bud o'er Cupid's flower + Hath such force and blessed power. + Now, my Titania; wake you, my sweet queen. + TITANIA. My Oberon! What visions have I seen! + Methought I was enamour'd of an ass. + OBERON. There lies your love. + TITANIA. How came these things to pass? + O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now! + OBERON. Silence awhile. Robin, take off this head. + Titania, music call; and strike more dead + Than common sleep of all these five the sense. + TITANIA. Music, ho, music, such as charmeth sleep! + PUCK. Now when thou wak'st with thine own fool's eyes peep. + OBERON. Sound, music. Come, my Queen, take hands with me, + [Music] + And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be. + Now thou and I are new in amity, + And will to-morrow midnight solemnly + Dance in Duke Theseus' house triumphantly, + And bless it to all fair prosperity. + There shall the pairs of faithful lovers be + Wedded, with Theseus, an in jollity. + PUCK. Fairy King, attend and mark; + I do hear the morning lark. + OBERON. Then, my Queen, in silence sad, + Trip we after night's shade. + We the globe can compass soon, + Swifter than the wand'ring moon. + TITANIA. Come, my lord; and in our flight, + Tell me how it came this night + That I sleeping here was found + With these mortals on the ground. Exeunt + + To the winding of horns, enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, + EGEUS, and train + + THESEUS. Go, one of you, find out the forester; + For now our observation is perform'd, + And since we have the vaward of the day, + My love shall hear the music of my hounds. + Uncouple in the western valley; let them go. + Dispatch, I say, and find the forester. Exit an ATTENDANT + We will, fair Queen, up to the mountain's top, + And mark the musical confusion + Of hounds and echo in conjunction. + HIPPOLYTA. I was with Hercules and Cadmus once + When in a wood of Crete they bay'd the bear + With hounds of Sparta; never did I hear + Such gallant chiding, for, besides the groves, + The skies, the fountains, every region near + Seem'd all one mutual cry. I never heard + So musical a discord, such sweet thunder. + THESEUS. My hounds are bred out of the Spartan kind, + So flew'd, so sanded; and their heads are hung + With ears that sweep away the morning dew; + Crook-knee'd and dew-lapp'd like Thessalian bulls; + Slow in pursuit, but match'd in mouth like bells, + Each under each. A cry more tuneable + Was never holla'd to, nor cheer'd with horn, + In Crete, in Sparta, nor in Thessaly. + Judge when you hear. But, soft, what nymphs are these? + EGEUS. My lord, this is my daughter here asleep, + And this Lysander, this Demetrius is, + This Helena, old Nedar's Helena. + I wonder of their being here together. + THESEUS. No doubt they rose up early to observe + The rite of May; and, hearing our intent, + Came here in grace of our solemnity. + But speak, Egeus; is not this the day + That Hermia should give answer of her choice? + EGEUS. It is, my lord. + THESEUS. Go, bid the huntsmen wake them with their horns. + [Horns and shout within. The sleepers + awake and kneel to THESEUS] + Good-morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past; + Begin these wood-birds but to couple now? + LYSANDER. Pardon, my lord. + THESEUS. I pray you all, stand up. + I know you two are rival enemies; + How comes this gentle concord in the world + That hatred is so far from jealousy + To sleep by hate, and fear no enmity? + LYSANDER. My lord, I shall reply amazedly, + Half sleep, half waking; but as yet, I swear, + I cannot truly say how I came here, + But, as I think- for truly would I speak, + And now I do bethink me, so it is- + I came with Hermia hither. Our intent + Was to be gone from Athens, where we might, + Without the peril of the Athenian law- + EGEUS. Enough, enough, my Lord; you have enough; + I beg the law, the law upon his head. + They would have stol'n away, they would, Demetrius, + Thereby to have defeated you and me: + You of your wife, and me of my consent, + Of my consent that she should be your wife. + DEMETRIUS. My lord, fair Helen told me of their stealth, + Of this their purpose hither to this wood; + And I in fury hither followed them, + Fair Helena in fancy following me. + But, my good lord, I wot not by what power- + But by some power it is- my love to Hermia, + Melted as the snow, seems to me now + As the remembrance of an idle gaud + Which in my childhood I did dote upon; + And all the faith, the virtue of my heart, + The object and the pleasure of mine eye, + Is only Helena. To her, my lord, + Was I betroth'd ere I saw Hermia. + But, like a sickness, did I loathe this food; + But, as in health, come to my natural taste, + Now I do wish it, love it, long for it, + And will for evermore be true to it. + THESEUS. Fair lovers, you are fortunately met; + Of this discourse we more will hear anon. + Egeus, I will overbear your will; + For in the temple, by and by, with us + These couples shall eternally be knit. + And, for the morning now is something worn, + Our purpos'd hunting shall be set aside. + Away with us to Athens, three and three; + We'll hold a feast in great solemnity. + Come, Hippolyta. + Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, and train + DEMETRIUS. These things seem small and undistinguishable, + Like far-off mountains turned into clouds. + HERMIA. Methinks I see these things with parted eye, + When every thing seems double. + HELENA. So methinks; + And I have found Demetrius like a jewel, + Mine own, and not mine own. + DEMETRIUS. Are you sure + That we are awake? It seems to me + That yet we sleep, we dream. Do not you think + The Duke was here, and bid us follow him? + HERMIA. Yea, and my father. + HELENA. And Hippolyta. + LYSANDER. And he did bid us follow to the temple. + DEMETRIUS. Why, then, we are awake; let's follow him; + And by the way let us recount our dreams. Exeunt + BOTTOM. [Awaking] When my cue comes, call me, and I will +answer. My + next is 'Most fair Pyramus.' Heigh-ho! Peter Quince! Flute, +the + bellows-mender! Snout, the tinker! Starveling! God's my life, + stol'n hence, and left me asleep! I have had a most rare +vision. + I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it +was. + Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. +Methought + I was- there is no man can tell what. Methought I was, and + methought I had, but man is but a patch'd fool, if he will +offer + to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, +the + ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, +his + tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream +was. I + will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of this dream. It +shall + be call'd 'Bottom's Dream,' because it hath no bottom; and I +will + sing it in the latter end of a play, before the Duke. + Peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall sing it +at + her death. Exit + + + + +SCENE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S house + +Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING + + QUINCE. Have you sent to Bottom's house? Is he come home yet? + STARVELING. He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is +transported. + FLUTE. If he come not, then the play is marr'd; it goes not + forward, doth it? + QUINCE. It is not possible. You have not a man in all Athens +able + to discharge Pyramus but he. + FLUTE. No; he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man in + Athens. + QUINCE. Yea, and the best person too; and he is a very paramour +for + a sweet voice. + FLUTE. You must say 'paragon.' A paramour is- God bless us!- A + thing of naught. + + Enter SNUG + + SNUG. Masters, the Duke is coming from the temple; and there is +two + or three lords and ladies more married. If our sport had gone + + forward, we had all been made men. + FLUTE. O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a day + during his life; he could not have scaped sixpence a day. An +the + Duke had not given him sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, +I'll + be hanged. He would have deserved it: sixpence a day in +Pyramus, + or nothing. + + Enter BOTTOM + + BOTTOM. Where are these lads? Where are these hearts? + QUINCE. Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour! + BOTTOM. Masters, I am to discourse wonders; but ask me not +what; + for if I tell you, I am not true Athenian. I will tell you + everything, right as it fell out. + QUINCE. Let us hear, sweet Bottom. + BOTTOM. Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that the + Duke hath dined. Get your apparel together; good strings to +your + beards, new ribbons to your pumps; meet presently at the +palace; + every man look o'er his part; for the short and the long is, +our + play is preferr'd. In any case, let Thisby have clean linen; +and + let not him that plays the lion pare his nails, for they +shall + hang out for the lion's claws. And, most dear actors, eat no + onions nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath; and I do +not + doubt but to hear them say it is a sweet comedy. No more +words. + Away, go, away! Exeunt + + + + +<> + + + +ACT V. SCENE I. +Athens. The palace of THESEUS + +Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, LORDS, and ATTENDANTS + + HIPPOLYTA. 'Tis strange, my Theseus, that these lovers speak +of. + THESEUS. More strange than true. I never may believe + These antique fables, nor these fairy toys. + Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, + Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend + More than cool reason ever comprehends. + The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, + Are of imagination all compact. + One sees more devils than vast hell can hold; + That is the madman. The lover, all as frantic, + Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt. + The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, + Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven; + And as imagination bodies forth + The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen + Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing + A local habitation and a name. + Such tricks hath strong imagination + That, if it would but apprehend some joy, + It comprehends some bringer of that joy; + Or in the night, imagining some fear, + How easy is a bush suppos'd a bear? + HIPPOLYTA. But all the story of the night told over, + And all their minds transfigur'd so together, + More witnesseth than fancy's images, + And grows to something of great constancy, + But howsoever strange and admirable. + + Enter LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HERMIA, and HELENA + + THESEUS. Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth. + Joy, gentle friends, joy and fresh days of love + Accompany your hearts! + LYSANDER. More than to us + Wait in your royal walks, your board, your bed! + THESEUS. Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have, + To wear away this long age of three hours + Between our after-supper and bed-time? + Where is our usual manager of mirth? + What revels are in hand? Is there no play + To ease the anguish of a torturing hour? + Call Philostrate. + PHILOSTRATE. Here, mighty Theseus. + THESEUS. Say, what abridgment have you for this evening? + What masque? what music? How shall we beguile + The lazy time, if not with some delight? + PHILOSTRATE. There is a brief how many sports are ripe; + Make choice of which your Highness will see first. + [Giving a paper] + THESEUS. 'The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung + By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.' + We'll none of that: that have I told my love, + In glory of my kinsman Hercules. + 'The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals, + Tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.' + That is an old device, and it was play'd + When I from Thebes came last a conqueror. + 'The thrice three Muses mourning for the death + Of Learning, late deceas'd in beggary.' + That is some satire, keen and critical, + Not sorting with a nuptial ceremony. + 'A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus + And his love Thisby; very tragical mirth.' + Merry and tragical! tedious and brief! + That is hot ice and wondrous strange snow. + How shall we find the concord of this discord? + PHILOSTRATE. A play there is, my lord, some ten words long, + Which is as brief as I have known a play; + But by ten words, my lord, it is too long, + Which makes it tedious; for in all the play + There is not one word apt, one player fitted. + And tragical, my noble lord, it is; + For Pyramus therein doth kill himself. + Which when I saw rehears'd, I must confess, + Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears + The passion of loud laughter never shed. + THESEUS. What are they that do play it? + PHILOSTRATE. Hard-handed men that work in Athens here, + Which never labour'd in their minds till now; + And now have toil'd their unbreathed memories + With this same play against your nuptial. + THESEUS. And we will hear it. + PHILOSTRATE. No, my noble lord, + It is not for you. I have heard it over, + And it is nothing, nothing in the world; + Unless you can find sport in their intents, + Extremely stretch'd and conn'd with cruel pain, + To do you service. + THESEUS. I will hear that play; + For never anything can be amiss + When simpleness and duty tender it. + Go, bring them in; and take your places, ladies. + Exit PHILOSTRATE + HIPPOLYTA. I love not to see wretchedness o'er-charged, + And duty in his service perishing. + THESEUS. Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing. + HIPPOLYTA. He says they can do nothing in this kind. + THESEUS. The kinder we, to give them thanks for nothing. + Our sport shall be to take what they mistake; + And what poor duty cannot do, noble respect + Takes it in might, not merit. + Where I have come, great clerks have purposed + To greet me with premeditated welcomes; + Where I have seen them shiver and look pale, + Make periods in the midst of sentences, + Throttle their practis'd accent in their fears, + And, in conclusion, dumbly have broke off, + Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet, + Out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome; + And in the modesty of fearful duty + I read as much as from the rattling tongue + Of saucy and audacious eloquence. + Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity + In least speak most to my capacity. + + Re-enter PHILOSTRATE + + PHILOSTRATE. SO please your Grace, the Prologue is address'd. + THESEUS. Let him approach. [Flourish of trumpets] + + Enter QUINCE as the PROLOGUE + + PROLOGUE. If we offend, it is with our good will. + That you should think, we come not to offend, + But with good will. To show our simple skill, + That is the true beginning of our end. + Consider then, we come but in despite. + We do not come, as minding to content you, + Our true intent is. All for your delight + We are not here. That you should here repent you, + The actors are at band; and, by their show, + You shall know all, that you are like to know, + THESEUS. This fellow doth not stand upon points. + LYSANDER. He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt; he knows +not + the stop. A good moral, my lord: it is not enough to speak, +but + to speak true. + HIPPOLYTA. Indeed he hath play'd on this prologue like a child +on a + recorder- a sound, but not in government. + THESEUS. His speech was like a tangled chain; nothing im +paired, + but all disordered. Who is next? + + Enter, with a trumpet before them, as in dumb show, + PYRAMUS and THISBY, WALL, MOONSHINE, and LION + + PROLOGUE. Gentles, perchance you wonder at this show; + But wonder on, till truth make all things plain. + This man is Pyramus, if you would know; + This beauteous lady Thisby is certain. + This man, with lime and rough-cast, doth present + Wall, that vile Wall which did these lovers sunder; + And through Walls chink, poor souls, they are content + To whisper. At the which let no man wonder. + This man, with lanthorn, dog, and bush of thorn, + Presenteth Moonshine; for, if you will know, + By moonshine did these lovers think no scorn + To meet at Ninus' tomb, there, there to woo. + This grisly beast, which Lion hight by name, + The trusty Thisby, coming first by night, + Did scare away, or rather did affright; + And as she fled, her mantle she did fall; + Which Lion vile with bloody mouth did stain. + Anon comes Pyramus, sweet youth and tall, + And finds his trusty Thisby's mantle slain; + Whereat with blade, with bloody blameful blade, + He bravely broach'd his boiling bloody breast; + And Thisby, tarrying in mulberry shade, + His dagger drew, and died. For all the rest, + Let Lion, Moonshine, Wall, and lovers twain, + At large discourse while here they do remain. + Exeunt PROLOGUE, PYRAMUS, THISBY, + LION, and MOONSHINE + THESEUS. I wonder if the lion be to speak. + DEMETRIUS. No wonder, my lord: one lion may, when many asses +do. + WALL. In this same interlude it doth befall + That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; + And such a wall as I would have you think + That had in it a crannied hole or chink, + Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, + Did whisper often very secretly. + This loam, this rough-cast, and this stone, doth show + That I am that same wall; the truth is so; + And this the cranny is, right and sinister, + Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper. + THESEUS. Would you desire lime and hair to speak better? + DEMETRIUS. It is the wittiest partition that ever I heard + discourse, my lord. + + Enter PYRAMUS + + THESEUS. Pyramus draws near the wall; silence. + PYRAMUS. O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black! + O night, which ever art when day is not! + O night, O night, alack, alack, alack, + I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot! + And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall, + That stand'st between her father's ground and mine; + Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall, + Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne. + [WALL holds up his fingers] + Thanks, courteous wall. Jove shield thee well for this! + But what see what see I? No Thisby do I see. + O wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss, + Curs'd he thy stones for thus deceiving me! + THESEUS. The wall, methinks, being sensible, should curse +again. + PYRAMUS. No, in truth, sir, he should not. Deceiving me is +Thisby's + cue. She is to enter now, and I am to spy her through the +wall. + You shall see it will fall pat as I told you; yonder she +comes. + + Enter THISBY + + THISBY. O wall, full often hast thou beard my moans, + For parting my fair Pyramus and me! + My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy stones, + Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee. + PYRAMUS. I see a voice; now will I to the chink, + To spy an I can hear my Thisby's face. + Thisby! + THISBY. My love! thou art my love, I think. + PYRAMUS. Think what thou wilt, I am thy lover's grace; + And like Limander am I trusty still. + THISBY. And I like Helen, till the Fates me kill. + PYRAMUS. Not Shafalus to Procrus was so true. + THISBY. As Shafalus to Procrus, I to you. + PYRAMUS. O, kiss me through the hole of this vile wall. + THISBY. I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all. + PYRAMUS. Wilt thou at Ninny's tomb meet me straightway? + THISBY. Tide life, tide death, I come without delay. + Exeunt PYRAMUS and THISBY + WALL. Thus have I, Wall, my part discharged so; + And, being done, thus Wall away doth go. Exit WALL + THESEUS. Now is the moon used between the two neighbours. + DEMETRIUS. No remedy, my lord, when walls are so wilful to hear + without warning. + HIPPOLYTA. This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard. + THESEUS. The best in this kind are but shadows; and the worst +are + no worse, if imagination amend them. + HIPPOLYTA. It must be your imagination then, and not theirs. + THESEUS. If we imagine no worse of them than they of +themselves, + they may pass for excellent men. Here come two noble beasts +in, a + man and a lion. + + Enter LION and MOONSHINE + + LION. You, ladies, you, whose gentle hearts do fear + The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor, + May now, perchance, both quake and tremble here, + When lion rough in wildest rage doth roar. + Then know that I as Snug the joiner am + A lion fell, nor else no lion's dam; + For, if I should as lion come in strife + Into this place, 'twere pity on my life. + THESEUS. A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience. + DEMETRIUS. The very best at a beast, my lord, that e'er I saw. + LYSANDER. This lion is a very fox for his valour. + THESEUS. True; and a goose for his discretion. + DEMETRIUS. Not so, my lord; for his valour cannot carry his + discretion, and the fox carries the goose. + THESEUS. His discretion, I am sure, cannot carry his valour; +for + the goose carries not the fox. It is well. Leave it to his + discretion, and let us listen to the Moon. + MOONSHINE. This lanthorn doth the horned moon present- + DEMETRIUS. He should have worn the horns on his head. + THESEUS. He is no crescent, and his horns are invisible within +the + circumference. + MOONSHINE. This lanthorn doth the horned moon present; + Myself the Man i' th' Moon do seem to be. + THESEUS. This is the greatest error of all the rest; the man +should + be put into the lantern. How is it else the man i' th' moon? + DEMETRIUS. He dares not come there for the candle; for, you +see, it + is already in snuff. + HIPPOLYTA. I am aweary of this moon. Would he would change! + THESEUS. It appears, by his small light of discretion, that he +is + in the wane; but yet, in courtesy, in all reason, we must +stay + the time. + LYSANDER. Proceed, Moon. + MOON. All that I have to say is to tell you that the lanthorn +is + the moon; I, the Man i' th' Moon; this thorn-bush, my +thorn-bush; + and this dog, my dog. + DEMETRIUS. Why, all these should be in the lantern; for all +these + are in the moon. But silence; here comes Thisby. + + Re-enter THISBY + + THISBY. This is old Ninny's tomb. Where is my love? + LION. [Roaring] O- [THISBY runs off] + DEMETRIUS. Well roar'd, Lion. + THESEUS. Well run, Thisby. + HIPPOLYTA. Well shone, Moon. Truly, the moon shines with a good + grace. [The LION tears THISBY'S Mantle, and exit] + THESEUS. Well mous'd, Lion. + + Re-enter PYRAMUS + + DEMETRIUS. And then came Pyramus. + LYSANDER. And so the lion vanish'd. + PYRAMUS. Sweet Moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams; + I thank thee, Moon, for shining now so bright; + For, by thy gracious golden, glittering gleams, + I trust to take of truest Thisby sight. + But stay, O spite! + But mark, poor knight, + What dreadful dole is here! + Eyes, do you see? + How can it he? + O dainty duck! O dear! + Thy mantle good, + What! stain'd with blood? + Approach, ye Furies fell. + O Fates! come, come; + Cut thread and thrum; + Quail, crush, conclude, and quell. + THESEUS. This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would go + near to make a man look sad. + HIPPOLYTA. Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man. + PYRAMUS. O wherefore, Nature, didst thou lions frame? + Since lion vile hath here deflower'd my dear; + Which is- no, no- which was the fairest dame + That liv'd, that lov'd, that lik'd, that look'd with cheer. + Come, tears, confound; + Out, sword, and wound + The pap of Pyramus; + Ay, that left pap, + Where heart doth hop. [Stabs himself] + Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. + Now am I dead, + Now am I fled; + My soul is in the sky. + Tongue, lose thy light; + Moon, take thy flight. [Exit MOONSHINE] + Now die, die, die, die, die. [Dies] + DEMETRIUS. No die, but an ace, for him; for he is but one. + LYSANDER. Less than an ace, man; for he is dead; he is nothing. + THESEUS. With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover and +yet + prove an ass. + HIPPOLYTA. How chance Moonshine is gone before Thisby comes +back + and finds her lover? + + Re-enter THISBY + + THESEUS. She will find him by starlight. Here she comes; and +her + passion ends the play. + HIPPOLYTA. Methinks she should not use a long one for such a + Pyramus; I hope she will be brief. + DEMETRIUS. A mote will turn the balance, which Pyramus, which + Thisby, is the better- he for a man, God warrant us: She for +a + woman, God bless us! + LYSANDER. She hath spied him already with those sweet eyes. + DEMETRIUS. And thus she moans, videlicet:- + THISBY. Asleep, my love? + What, dead, my dove? + O Pyramus, arise, + Speak, speak. Quite dumb? + Dead, dead? A tomb + Must cover thy sweet eyes. + These lily lips, + This cherry nose, + These yellow cowslip cheeks, + Are gone, are gone; + Lovers, make moan; + His eyes were green as leeks. + O Sisters Three, + Come, come to me, + With hands as pale as milk; + Lay them in gore, + Since you have shore + With shears his thread of silk. + Tongue, not a word. + Come, trusty sword; + Come, blade, my breast imbrue. [Stabs herself] + And farewell, friends; + Thus Thisby ends; + Adieu, adieu, adieu. [Dies] + THESEUS. Moonshine and Lion are left to bury the dead. + DEMETRIUS. Ay, and Wall too. + BOTTOM. [Starting up] No, I assure you; the wall is down that + parted their fathers. Will it please you to see the Epilogue, +or + to hear a Bergomask dance between two of our company? + THESEUS. No epilogue, I pray you; for your play needs no +excuse. + Never excuse; for when the players are all dead there need +none + to be blamed. Marry, if he that writ it had played Pyramus, +and + hang'd himself in Thisby's garter, it would have been a fine + tragedy. And so it is, truly; and very notably discharg'd. +But + come, your Bergomask; let your epilogue alone. [A dance] + The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve. + Lovers, to bed; 'tis almost fairy time. + I fear we shall out-sleep the coming morn, + As much as we this night have overwatch'd. + This palpable-gross play hath well beguil'd + The heavy gait of night. Sweet friends, to bed. + A fortnight hold we this solemnity, + In nightly revels and new jollity. Exeunt + + Enter PUCK with a broom + + PUCK. Now the hungry lion roars, + And the wolf behowls the moon; + Whilst the heavy ploughman snores, + All with weary task fordone. + Now the wasted brands do glow, + Whilst the screech-owl, screeching loud, + Puts the wretch that lies in woe + In remembrance of a shroud. + Now it is the time of night + That the graves, all gaping wide, + Every one lets forth his sprite, + In the church-way paths to glide. + And we fairies, that do run + By the triple Hecate's team + From the presence of the sun, + Following darkness like a dream, + Now are frolic. Not a mouse + Shall disturb this hallowed house. + I am sent with broom before, + To sweep the dust behind the door. + + Enter OBERON and TITANIA, with all their train + + OBERON. Through the house give glimmering light, + By the dead and drowsy fire; + Every elf and fairy sprite + Hop as light as bird from brier; + And this ditty, after me, + Sing and dance it trippingly. + TITANIA. First, rehearse your song by rote, + To each word a warbling note; + Hand in hand, with fairy grace, + Will we sing, and bless this place. + + [OBERON leading, the FAIRIES sing and dance] + + OBERON. Now, until the break of day, + Through this house each fairy stray. + To the best bride-bed will we, + Which by us shall blessed be; + And the issue there create + Ever shall be fortunate. + So shall all the couples three + Ever true in loving be; + And the blots of Nature's hand + Shall not in their issue stand; + Never mole, hare-lip, nor scar, + Nor mark prodigious, such as are + Despised in nativity, + Shall upon their children be. + With this field-dew consecrate, + Every fairy take his gait, + And each several chamber bless, + Through this palace, with sweet peace; + And the owner of it blest + Ever shall in safety rest. + Trip away; make no stay; + Meet me all by break of day. Exeunt all but PUCK + PUCK. If we shadows have offended, + Think but this, and all is mended, + That you have but slumb'red here + While these visions did appear. + And this weak and idle theme, + No more yielding but a dream, + Gentles, do not reprehend. + If you pardon, we will mend. + And, as I am an honest Puck, + If we have unearned luck + Now to scape the serpent's tongue, + We will make amends ere long; + Else the Puck a liar call. + So, good night unto you all. + Give me your hands, if we be friends, + And Robin shall restore amends. Exit + +THE END diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/shel.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/shel.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..198d59f --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/shel.txt @@ -0,0 +1,218 @@ +Its Dark in Here + +I am writing these poems +From inside a lion, +And it's rather dark in here. + +So please excuse the handwriting +Which may not be too clear. + +But this afternoon by the lion's cage +I'm afraid I got too near. + +And I'm writing these lines +From inside a lion, +And it's rather dark in here. + + +Boa Constrictor + + Oh, I'm being eaten +By a boa constrictor, +A boa constrictor, +A boa constrictor, +I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor, +And I don't like it--one bit. + +Well, what do you know? +It's nibblin' my toe. + +Oh, gee, +It's up to my knee. + +Oh my, +It's up to my thigh. + +Oh, fiddle, +It's up to my middle. + +Oh, heck, +It's up to my neck. + +Oh, dread, +It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . + . + . + + +Where the Sidewalk Ends + +There is a place where the sidewalk ends +And before the street begins, +And there the grass grows soft and white, +And there the sun burns crimson bright, +And there the moon-bird rests from his flight +To cool in the peppermint wind. + +Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black +And the dark street winds and bends. +Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow +We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, +And watch where the chalk-white arrows go +To the place where the sidewalk ends. + +Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, +And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, +For the children, they mark, and the children, they know + + +One Inch Tall + +If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school. + +The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool. + +A crumb of cake would be a feast +And last you seven days at least, +A flea would be a frightening beast +If you were one inch tall. + + +If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door, +And it would take about a month to get down to the store. + +A bit of fluff would be your bed, +You'd swing upon a spider's thread, +And wear a thimble on your head +If you were one inch tall. + + +You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum. + +You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb. + +You'd run from people's feet in fright, +To move a pen would take all night, +(This poem took fourteen years to write-- +'Cause I'm just one inch tall). + + +Rain + +I opened my eyes +And looked up at the rain, +And it dripped in my head +And flowed into my brain, +And all that I hear as I lie in my bed +Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head. + + +I step very softly, +I walk very slow, +I can't do a handstand-- +I might overflow, +So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said-- +I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head. + + + +Whatif + + +Last night, while I lay thinking here, +some Whatifs crawled inside my ear +and pranced and partied all night long +and sang their same old Whatif song: +Whatif I'm dumb in school? +Whatif they've closed the swimming pool? +Whatif I get beat up? +Whatif there's poison in my cup? +Whatif I start to cry? +Whatif I get sick and die? +Whatif I flunk that test? +Whatif green hair grows on my chest? +Whatif nobody likes me? +Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me? +Whatif I don't grow talle? +Whatif my head starts getting smaller? +Whatif the fish won't bite? +Whatif the wind tears up my kite? +Whatif they start a war? +Whatif my parents get divorced? +Whatif the bus is late? +Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight? +Whatif I tear my pants? +Whatif I never learn to dance? +Everything seems well, and then +the nighttime Whatifs strike again! + + +I cannot go to school today! + +I cannot go to school today! +by Shel Silverstein +"I cannot go to school today" +Said little Peggy Ann McKay. +"I have the measles and the mumps, +A gash, a rash and purple bumps. + +My mouth is wet, my throat is dry. +I'm going blind in my right eye. +My tonsils are as big as rocks, +I've counted sixteen chicken pox. + +And there's one more - that's seventeen, +And don't you think my face looks green? +My leg is cut, my eyes are blue, +It might be the instamatic flu. + +I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, +I'm sure that my left leg is broke. +My hip hurts when I move my chin, +My belly button's caving in. + +My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, +My 'pendix pains each time it rains. +My toes are cold, my toes are numb, +I have a sliver in my thumb. + +My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, +I hardly whisper when I speak. +My tongue is filling up my mouth, +I think my hair is falling out. + +My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, +My temperature is one-o-eight. +My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, +There is a hole inside my ear. + +I have a hangnail, and my heart is ... +What? What's that? What's that you say? +You say today is .............. Saturday? +G'bye, I'm going out to play!" + + +Messy Room + +Whosever room this is should be ashamed! +His underwear is hanging on the lamp. + +His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair, +And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp. + +His workbook is wedged in the window, +His sweater's been thrown on the floor. + +His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV, +And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door. + +His books are all jammed in the closet, +His vest has been left in the hall. + +A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed, +And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall. + +Whosever room this is should be ashamed! +Donald or Robert or Willie or-- +Huh? You say it's mine? Oh, dear, +I knew it looked familiar! diff --git a/assignments/a3/data/texts/zelda.txt b/assignments/a3/data/texts/zelda.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dee9774 --- /dev/null +++ b/assignments/a3/data/texts/zelda.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Did you get the sword from the old man on top of the waterfall? +It's too dangerous to go alone from the old waterfall. diff --git a/assignments/a3/handout.html b/assignments/a3/handout/handout.html similarity index 100% rename from assignments/a3/handout.html rename to assignments/a3/handout/handout.html diff --git a/assignments/a3/handout_files/legally_blonde_chocolate.gif b/assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/legally_blonde_chocolate.gif similarity index 100% rename from assignments/a3/handout_files/legally_blonde_chocolate.gif rename to assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/legally_blonde_chocolate.gif diff --git a/assignments/a3/handout_files/pandoc.css b/assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/pandoc.css similarity index 100% rename from assignments/a3/handout_files/pandoc.css rename to assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/pandoc.css diff --git a/assignments/a3/handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js b/assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js similarity index 100% rename from assignments/a3/handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js rename to assignments/a3/handout/handout_files/tex-mml-chtml.js